UPDATE:
Depending on how things go, I'll have this big ass entry I promised up sometime within the next... 27 hours. So someone has that long to do the right fucking thing and drop me a private note. Then you can wash your hands clean.
Take a friend who never saw an episode of "The Shield" before and show them the last episode. Then watch them RUN to the nearest store to buy every single DVD available.
"WHO YOU GOT, VIC?? WHO YOU GOT???"
"Under arrest? FOR WHAT??"
"How about for the last three years."
"You can bill me."
"Okay, the first payment is due now. Dutch!!"
This wasn't a series, it was a fucking novel... a seven volume epic novel.
MUCH more next post.
******
I've never seen a single episode with more rewindable scenes then what I just watched.
Just a couple of notes:
-Deja Vu?
-Strange week here.
-While the love letters to Scotsman are appreciated, probably but not necessarily by him (he always struck me as having a good head about these things), he has his own blog AND his own message board AND is on MSN Live Messenger AND is on AIM AND has a MySpace account AND a Facebook account AND probably has a WWE Universe account too. Plenty of places where you can go fellate him. Not here.
-Methinks Scooter had Blogspot go and erase his book, since I just woke up one morning and ZAMMO, it was erased. I'd scream "hacking" but nothing else was touched. It's okay, I never intended to keep it there forever.
-Just when I'm good and bored with Ghosthunters (too many weeks now they seem awfully too-excited by a fast shadow caught WAAAAAY in the background, and don't all the "EMF" recordings sound like the same chick with a scarf over her mouth to muffle the voice?) It has gone and gotten major press and spawned a couple of rip-off shows. More on that later.
-The Shield. I will talk about this show in length after the finale.
-Flea. Can't call now. THis will change soon.
-Sigh... you can thank my overall laziness for not pushing this further. Here we go. No, I'm not married nor was I ever. Chantelle DOES exist sort of... but that ain't her name. It's complicated. I'm telling you this only because... well, you're reading this, ain't you?
-Patricia... remember her? Was in on it. She can come back now. If she wants to.
-I'm putting the comments on Moderation Only for a while for a few reasons. Two, really. 1 is those little faggots I slapped around last blog are trying to slip comments in here and, one evening, bombed my comments with nonsense. They will be controlled. Yes, you will be. 2: If someone would like to leave me a note that no one else needs to see... if someone wants to say goodbye, say thank you, say "I'm sorry", say ANYTHING... SOMETHING before going away to a place where I won't follow... they can. If they want to blow me away with an actual explanation... to show a cvourtesy and respect I KNOW they have even when they don't think they do... they can, knowing only I will see it. I encourage this. I am neither mad nor hurt.
-You'll be back. Stop fooling yourself. You can't handle what you just set yourself up for. All those idiots. Jesus.
-I should apologize myself to all those people who can't talk to you directly anymore. I destroyed an entire mini-community!! Hank would be proud.
-More later. The tone will be dictated by the reaction here. I know... I fucking KNOW you're still reading this, so if you want to make a conscious effort to hurt me and piss me off, you'll stay quiet.
-Oh, and you can say whatever you want. Say the meanest, coldest, cruellest things if you'd like, just say SOMETHING. Revenge was/is/and never will be an option for me. Believe me or not, its the truth.
-Umm... I actually have a good sized post written already. I just figure I might as well save it for when I can add comments and other stuff. Make it a giant 2000 word + whopper.
-So just because I'm pre-approving the comments does NOT mean you can't say pretty much anything you want to. I think I've shown how loose I can be here. Comment away, kids. Say whatever you want - good or bad. Often times, your comments are more entertaining then anything I say.
-And of COURSE... anonymous posting is still allowed.
-The full, complete blog will be up sometime between now and.... let's say Wednesday.
-Was it something I said? Either too annoying or too close to home. Please inform me.
-Phrase of the month is "plausible deniability". You know what I mean. So do I... AND I have no problem with it. Do you realize how lucky you are to have me?? I mean... fuck, I'm AWESOME.
-You'll be back. We both know it. "Brian" is just too.... much. :)
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The Return of Captain Asparagus
I was wrong and I'm a liar. I misjudged things.
Of course I'm talking about Survivorman vs Man vs Wild and how Bear Grylls clearly politically talked the cable net into dumping les Stroud's show. Turns out, Les Stroud just can't do too many weeks where he barely eats and is subjected to the elements and needs a lot of time in between seasons. No battle there.
Oh well. I like both shows anyway.
****
Doug Williams is one fat motherwanker. Someone ought to tell that tosser to lay off the Yorkshire pudding.
And he's sort'a fugly.
*****
It's been way too long since I spoke with you directly, so this is for you.
1) November 5, 2008 12:05 PM... Anonymous Fuck the red stripe, I liked the blue with yellow redesign better anyway. said... Not just a work, a really, really bad one. Come on Hyatte, no one wants to hear this shit. Just be funny. Or entertaining. Maybe even both. This shit is neither. No one would care about it even if it was real, which it is obviously not. Is this really how you want to be remembered? Come on man. Bring back the funny. Please.
Hopefully this will blanket ALL of you whiney little babies crying about what you think this blog is here for.
This is NOT a column, this is NOT the Midnight News or the Mop-Up or And Another Thing. This isn't anything designed to entertain you. It's my shit, my blog, my nonsense that can be anything I want whenever I want whenever I fucking FEEL LIKE IT.
You want funny, sit your fucking fat ass in your collapsing. ratty-ass chair and wait for me to feel like writing something funny. It'll take as long as I want it to take.
Legacy? Do I really want to be remembered this way? What way? I can't believe, after all these years, some of you dopes actually think I'm caring about a legacy as an INTERNET WRESTLING WRITER. It got me NOTHING. It got me a couple of friends and some some swag and that's it. What fucking legacy? Fuck you and your legacy. I'm already foprgotten. Scooter Keith is a joke. CRZ is some fat boob who knew when to get out a little bit earlier then me. Scaia still does his thing and he's playing to less people then I am in this blog. Fuck him. Fuck all of them. Fuck me. And fuck you.
And that big Wrestling rebirth as a cultural phenom that was supposed to happen that John Cena was supposed to be the poster boty for? Oh, it happened... only it went to UFC. The new generation is wearing UFC t-shirts and talking about how Kimbo got punked. They are going for the REAL shit. There is no audience to play for anymore.
I don't even really watch WWE much anymore. I saw that three hour RAW long enough to see a bunch of freaks dancing in the ring while Michael Cole was bellowing that fake laughter of his and went right back to Boston Legal
Legacy. Blow me. My legacy is that I had my fun and then I stopped. And when this stops being fun I'll blow it up and be done with it. Until that day comes, shut the fuck up about what you expect from me.
And while I'm on the fucking subject...
2) October 28, 2008 9:31 AM... larry czonka said... NO BUYS to the bitching and complaining. Actually I do not care about the people that bitch and complain about me because it is your right. But if you actually think that your bitching will get me to quit or convince Ashish to fire me then you're a fool. I celebrate the attempted hatred that happens in the comments, hell I have a thread in the staff forum where I celebrate it. Some of you make my day and don't even realize it.
And then there was this...
3) November 5, 2008 4:09 PM... cHaNTelle said... chris, its not u its me i is not reddy 4 a man like u goin 2 c larry csonka who can make me feel like a real woman sorry about parot all the best luv... chantelle
.... hmmm....
Since this isn't Csonka, I will assume its some asshole trying his damndest to... what? Motivate me to convince someone to give me a column about wrestling and then use said column to rag on Larry Csonka based on some douchebag's lame, lame, LAME attempt to goad me? To piss me off? In your wildest fantasies do you REALLY think referencing some lame internet writer here would inspire me? Why do I care about some fraud who writes about wrestling anymore?
From here on out, any comment I get that I feel involves some retard trying to get me in a "feud" with someone will automatically get deleted. There isn't a single thing any of you can say that will make me start another stupid interweb war that got old 4 years ago. Go find another sucker to manipulate, you Machiavellian Genius, you. You Mastermind, you.
Now, with that being said...
4) November 4, 2008 1:50 PM... Anonymous said...RBL does not have an account at NPP. He visits now and then, but never registered. End of mystery.
No one knows what this means except for me and the one or two NPP imbeciles who read this, so let me explain...
NPP is "No Pants Provided", which is a message board. This message board used to be called "Insert label", which used to be called... whatever board the Scotsman used to have. Scotsman got tired of it and got rid of it, which then someone named "Vin" grabbed everyone and brought them to "Insert Label", then he got tired of the constant posters saying nothing and got rid of it. Scotsman decided to give these people a new home and opened "No Pants Provided". And he's probably pretty fucking sick of it too by now.
NPP's ONLY claim to fame was when it was "Insert Label" and had a thread that featured my job, where I lived, and my practically non-existent driving record, and had guys threatening to come to my home and job with a camera. Of course, I threatened violence and they got real scared real fast and nothing came of it.
Of course, they will have their own version of this story, and will try to tell it here. I will delete it as soon as it pops up because I don't give a fuck about them and could care less about featuring their side of the story.
They hate to admit it, but their closest brush with anything close to popularity was that thread starring me... so of course, geniuses that they are, they lost the thread.
Now, a couple of them read this... and make silly fucking comments like that one for no fucking reason other than they sit in front of their computer 20 hours a fucking day and post 200 times a day and have absolutely nothing else to do. One of them is named "Taff" and he's a wanker from... umm... Britain? New Zealand? Who cares. Hi Taff, go fuck yourself, faggot. I don't come to you, you come to me like a lonely little bitch. Cheers.
I used to post at Insert Label. Then stopped. Got tired of it. Scotsman invited me to post again, but I have no need to. There's no one there I care about talking to.
NPP is filled with people who post NOTHING several times a day and have ZERO to say. But my marriage woke them up a bit and a thread went off track and became about me...
And how much I suck, naturally.
So anyway, let me just make a few notes to you numbfucks:
-Mikey, HAD you actually posted a picture of me I WOULD have left the Internet. You didn't. I didn't. I don't give a fuck what Gloomchen or anyopne else thinks, that isn't me. Only two people have a picture of me... and neither of them would show it off. You're pathetic. And a liar.
-Edsin: I don't think I'm THAT cool, but I am definitely cooler than you, and everyone else who posts there over and over and over and over again. Yeah, I am way cooler than YOU... and that's cool enough for me.
-Buckdiddy. I didn't freak out over anything, bitch. You're the one who popped out of nowhere and started sobbing, "I HATE YOU HYATTE, URE RUINING MY INNERWEB EXPERIENCE!! GO AWAY!" I put you on ignore and was done with it. Fucking swish. You try waay too hard to be an oddball there.
-One chin, to those who wonder... I'm not a fat ass like most of you losers.
-For a board that used to post Figure Four Weekly issues weekly as they came in, you have a lot of fucking balls to call me out for what I have hidden here.
-Just remember ladies, you come to me. I left your dumb board and only drop in every so often when I'm dead bored. You come here. And just like with these assholes trying to get me to go off on Larry Csonka, I'll bomb out any comment from here on out. It's done, over. Bye.
You all see why I laugh at the "legacy" and how I want to be "remmebered"? Look at who remembers me!! Jesus.
5) November 13, 2008 5:26 AM... Anonymous said... Here's to Chris Hyatte - we miss him now but will have forgotten all about him in a couple months.
If you people haven't forgotten about me after all this time, and some of you still bring up shit I wrote 4 years ago... you ain't ever gonna forget about me.
Believe me, a lot of people's lives would be a lot less complicated if they DID learn how to forget about me.
I own your asses.
Trish's too. :)
6) November 12, 2008 7:57 AM... Anonymous said... Yup Hyatte the Cabbage was in a car accident...he hit a train...it was carrying carrots, horseradish, and salad dressing.... Yup Hyatte is now cole slaw... and gay
The other day I got $300 worth of computer upgrades for just $100 because the owner of the shop was a Bear Lover and kept sexually harrassing me "My husband and I have an open marriage. I like big guys!" Until I had to show him pictures of all the girls on my computer. He apologized and promised me the discount.
I ain't gay, but I'll let a dude blow me if it mean extra gigabytes and a memory card.
Turns out I could have a pretty good career as a poster boy for the bear community. Go me.
7) November 12, 2008 11:32 AM... Gary Michael Capetta said... I'm just wondering when Hyatte started allowing Rick Scaia to post under his name. -Rhubarb
Does he spend his columns talking to his various women now? What a fucking LOSER!!!
Didn't I eulogize him? Can't he stay dead? Christ.
By the way, I take back all the shit I said up top. You can ask me to try to be funny again. I'm calmer now. But I will erase anything I don't want to see. You can't goad me.
YOU'RE DEALING WITH A GENIUS, PEOPLE!!!! A GENIUS TURNIP!!
8) November 11, 2008 12:14 PM... Larry cs-honker said... Hyatte's been IN A CAR CRASH!?! AND HE'S IN A COMA?!?!1 AND GAY!!11!?!!!
HEY!! I SAID NO MORE!!
No, but I did dream that someone rear ended me with a broccolli spear... so some of you have clairvoyance. Kudos.
I'm going to put forth a new plan for this blog that you might like. Watch for it soon... like in a day or two. No lie, gonna make an effort here for you.
In the meantime, enjoy this
Yup
Of course I'm talking about Survivorman vs Man vs Wild and how Bear Grylls clearly politically talked the cable net into dumping les Stroud's show. Turns out, Les Stroud just can't do too many weeks where he barely eats and is subjected to the elements and needs a lot of time in between seasons. No battle there.
Oh well. I like both shows anyway.
****
Doug Williams is one fat motherwanker. Someone ought to tell that tosser to lay off the Yorkshire pudding.
And he's sort'a fugly.
*****
It's been way too long since I spoke with you directly, so this is for you.
1) November 5, 2008 12:05 PM... Anonymous Fuck the red stripe, I liked the blue with yellow redesign better anyway. said... Not just a work, a really, really bad one. Come on Hyatte, no one wants to hear this shit. Just be funny. Or entertaining. Maybe even both. This shit is neither. No one would care about it even if it was real, which it is obviously not. Is this really how you want to be remembered? Come on man. Bring back the funny. Please.
Hopefully this will blanket ALL of you whiney little babies crying about what you think this blog is here for.
This is NOT a column, this is NOT the Midnight News or the Mop-Up or And Another Thing. This isn't anything designed to entertain you. It's my shit, my blog, my nonsense that can be anything I want whenever I want whenever I fucking FEEL LIKE IT.
You want funny, sit your fucking fat ass in your collapsing. ratty-ass chair and wait for me to feel like writing something funny. It'll take as long as I want it to take.
Legacy? Do I really want to be remembered this way? What way? I can't believe, after all these years, some of you dopes actually think I'm caring about a legacy as an INTERNET WRESTLING WRITER. It got me NOTHING. It got me a couple of friends and some some swag and that's it. What fucking legacy? Fuck you and your legacy. I'm already foprgotten. Scooter Keith is a joke. CRZ is some fat boob who knew when to get out a little bit earlier then me. Scaia still does his thing and he's playing to less people then I am in this blog. Fuck him. Fuck all of them. Fuck me. And fuck you.
And that big Wrestling rebirth as a cultural phenom that was supposed to happen that John Cena was supposed to be the poster boty for? Oh, it happened... only it went to UFC. The new generation is wearing UFC t-shirts and talking about how Kimbo got punked. They are going for the REAL shit. There is no audience to play for anymore.
I don't even really watch WWE much anymore. I saw that three hour RAW long enough to see a bunch of freaks dancing in the ring while Michael Cole was bellowing that fake laughter of his and went right back to Boston Legal
Legacy. Blow me. My legacy is that I had my fun and then I stopped. And when this stops being fun I'll blow it up and be done with it. Until that day comes, shut the fuck up about what you expect from me.
And while I'm on the fucking subject...
2) October 28, 2008 9:31 AM... larry czonka said... NO BUYS to the bitching and complaining. Actually I do not care about the people that bitch and complain about me because it is your right. But if you actually think that your bitching will get me to quit or convince Ashish to fire me then you're a fool. I celebrate the attempted hatred that happens in the comments, hell I have a thread in the staff forum where I celebrate it. Some of you make my day and don't even realize it.
And then there was this...
3) November 5, 2008 4:09 PM... cHaNTelle said... chris, its not u its me i is not reddy 4 a man like u goin 2 c larry csonka who can make me feel like a real woman sorry about parot all the best luv... chantelle
.... hmmm....
Since this isn't Csonka, I will assume its some asshole trying his damndest to... what? Motivate me to convince someone to give me a column about wrestling and then use said column to rag on Larry Csonka based on some douchebag's lame, lame, LAME attempt to goad me? To piss me off? In your wildest fantasies do you REALLY think referencing some lame internet writer here would inspire me? Why do I care about some fraud who writes about wrestling anymore?
From here on out, any comment I get that I feel involves some retard trying to get me in a "feud" with someone will automatically get deleted. There isn't a single thing any of you can say that will make me start another stupid interweb war that got old 4 years ago. Go find another sucker to manipulate, you Machiavellian Genius, you. You Mastermind, you.
Now, with that being said...
4) November 4, 2008 1:50 PM... Anonymous said...RBL does not have an account at NPP. He visits now and then, but never registered. End of mystery.
No one knows what this means except for me and the one or two NPP imbeciles who read this, so let me explain...
NPP is "No Pants Provided", which is a message board. This message board used to be called "Insert label", which used to be called... whatever board the Scotsman used to have. Scotsman got tired of it and got rid of it, which then someone named "Vin" grabbed everyone and brought them to "Insert Label", then he got tired of the constant posters saying nothing and got rid of it. Scotsman decided to give these people a new home and opened "No Pants Provided". And he's probably pretty fucking sick of it too by now.
NPP's ONLY claim to fame was when it was "Insert Label" and had a thread that featured my job, where I lived, and my practically non-existent driving record, and had guys threatening to come to my home and job with a camera. Of course, I threatened violence and they got real scared real fast and nothing came of it.
Of course, they will have their own version of this story, and will try to tell it here. I will delete it as soon as it pops up because I don't give a fuck about them and could care less about featuring their side of the story.
They hate to admit it, but their closest brush with anything close to popularity was that thread starring me... so of course, geniuses that they are, they lost the thread.
Now, a couple of them read this... and make silly fucking comments like that one for no fucking reason other than they sit in front of their computer 20 hours a fucking day and post 200 times a day and have absolutely nothing else to do. One of them is named "Taff" and he's a wanker from... umm... Britain? New Zealand? Who cares. Hi Taff, go fuck yourself, faggot. I don't come to you, you come to me like a lonely little bitch. Cheers.
I used to post at Insert Label. Then stopped. Got tired of it. Scotsman invited me to post again, but I have no need to. There's no one there I care about talking to.
NPP is filled with people who post NOTHING several times a day and have ZERO to say. But my marriage woke them up a bit and a thread went off track and became about me...
And how much I suck, naturally.
So anyway, let me just make a few notes to you numbfucks:
-Mikey, HAD you actually posted a picture of me I WOULD have left the Internet. You didn't. I didn't. I don't give a fuck what Gloomchen or anyopne else thinks, that isn't me. Only two people have a picture of me... and neither of them would show it off. You're pathetic. And a liar.
-Edsin: I don't think I'm THAT cool, but I am definitely cooler than you, and everyone else who posts there over and over and over and over again. Yeah, I am way cooler than YOU... and that's cool enough for me.
-Buckdiddy. I didn't freak out over anything, bitch. You're the one who popped out of nowhere and started sobbing, "I HATE YOU HYATTE, URE RUINING MY INNERWEB EXPERIENCE!! GO AWAY!" I put you on ignore and was done with it. Fucking swish. You try waay too hard to be an oddball there.
-One chin, to those who wonder... I'm not a fat ass like most of you losers.
-For a board that used to post Figure Four Weekly issues weekly as they came in, you have a lot of fucking balls to call me out for what I have hidden here.
-Just remember ladies, you come to me. I left your dumb board and only drop in every so often when I'm dead bored. You come here. And just like with these assholes trying to get me to go off on Larry Csonka, I'll bomb out any comment from here on out. It's done, over. Bye.
You all see why I laugh at the "legacy" and how I want to be "remmebered"? Look at who remembers me!! Jesus.
5) November 13, 2008 5:26 AM... Anonymous said... Here's to Chris Hyatte - we miss him now but will have forgotten all about him in a couple months.
If you people haven't forgotten about me after all this time, and some of you still bring up shit I wrote 4 years ago... you ain't ever gonna forget about me.
Believe me, a lot of people's lives would be a lot less complicated if they DID learn how to forget about me.
I own your asses.
Trish's too. :)
6) November 12, 2008 7:57 AM... Anonymous said... Yup Hyatte the Cabbage was in a car accident...he hit a train...it was carrying carrots, horseradish, and salad dressing.... Yup Hyatte is now cole slaw... and gay
The other day I got $300 worth of computer upgrades for just $100 because the owner of the shop was a Bear Lover and kept sexually harrassing me "My husband and I have an open marriage. I like big guys!" Until I had to show him pictures of all the girls on my computer. He apologized and promised me the discount.
I ain't gay, but I'll let a dude blow me if it mean extra gigabytes and a memory card.
Turns out I could have a pretty good career as a poster boy for the bear community. Go me.
7) November 12, 2008 11:32 AM... Gary Michael Capetta said... I'm just wondering when Hyatte started allowing Rick Scaia to post under his name. -Rhubarb
Does he spend his columns talking to his various women now? What a fucking LOSER!!!
Didn't I eulogize him? Can't he stay dead? Christ.
By the way, I take back all the shit I said up top. You can ask me to try to be funny again. I'm calmer now. But I will erase anything I don't want to see. You can't goad me.
YOU'RE DEALING WITH A GENIUS, PEOPLE!!!! A GENIUS TURNIP!!
8) November 11, 2008 12:14 PM... Larry cs-honker said... Hyatte's been IN A CAR CRASH!?! AND HE'S IN A COMA?!?!1 AND GAY!!11!?!!!
HEY!! I SAID NO MORE!!
No, but I did dream that someone rear ended me with a broccolli spear... so some of you have clairvoyance. Kudos.
I'm going to put forth a new plan for this blog that you might like. Watch for it soon... like in a day or two. No lie, gonna make an effort here for you.
In the meantime, enjoy this
Yup
Monday, November 3, 2008
Lots on my plate
Look, I'm sorry. I've got a lot of plates in the air right now. Look at them spin. Look at them, children.
Suddenly, I have a LOT more responsibilities these days and I'M NOT LIKING THEM ONE BIT!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!
!
Anyway... hi. How are you?
I sold my bird, cage and all. He's gone. I had the place professionally cleaned. The smell is gone.
The new furniture is in and looks good.
I blocked her screen name and she can't email me anymore.
NOW CAN YOU PLEASE PICK UP THE PHONE, BABY???? I can't take anymore time out of work to come get you. I'm sorry, please come home.
Suddenly, I have a LOT more responsibilities these days and I'M NOT LIKING THEM ONE BIT!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!
!
Anyway... hi. How are you?
I sold my bird, cage and all. He's gone. I had the place professionally cleaned. The smell is gone.
The new furniture is in and looks good.
I blocked her screen name and she can't email me anymore.
NOW CAN YOU PLEASE PICK UP THE PHONE, BABY???? I can't take anymore time out of work to come get you. I'm sorry, please come home.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)