How cool is this blog?
Someone put a Kafka short story in the comments section. THAT'S how cool it is.
Who would drop this on me? Who would make such an effort? I thou... oh no, I'd better not finish this sentence. Moving on...
So then, all in all, I always thought Halloween was a pretty lame-o piece of business.
Great time to get lots of anonymous sex, however. The whole costume thing. Disguise + intoxication = do me on the bathroom sink and make it quick!
It's almost like the 70's again. Or so I've heard. By the time I had any ability to stick Captain Happy into something female, we were well into the 80's and everyone was worrying about that homo disease that started in San Fran and was cruising it's way across the country. I had to get all my action in the 90's.
Man, from 88-97 I was a fucking bandito too.
Then... I got tired I guess, or old, or lazy. Things leveled off. These days, I don't go looking, but if opportunties present themselves, etc... etc...
No Halloween parties this year for me.
Oh, but when Halloween was cool for a kid like me. Pretty much every kid I knew, and tons of kids I didn't know... let's face it, every boy in the whole country, dressed up as Rambo.
And really, all you needed was a tank top, some grease on your face, a fake gun, and that fucking bandanna tied sideways around your head so the two tails dangled over your ear.
Or Randy Savage. Lots of boys back then like the Macho Man. Hogan... not so much.
So, this being Halloween, let's discuss the supernatural.
Ghost Hunters is a show on Sci-Fi which is so successful that the channel devotes an entire evening to it. Every Wednesday you get 5 shows, with one of them being brand new.
The premise is simple: You have a haunting, strange things are happening, doors are opening, footsteps are creaking the floors above you, voices giggle in the other room, you feel like you're being watched, and sometimes you see apparitions walk around. Whether you're a home owner or you're running a historical tourist attraction, or you work at a Hotel. You give Ghost Hunters a call and they come. All the way from Rhode Island, they'll go ANYWHERE.
How they get out of their day jobs all the time to do this is beyond me. See, this is all VOLUNTEER work. Free labor. I assume Sci-Fi pays them a nifty sum, but it can't be much. Almost basic cable can't afford much.
What these guys do is spend all night at this hauted place, with all the lights out, with tape recorders and digital video cameras and other fancy stuff and try to record some ghostly stuff.
However, what they REALLY try to do is debunk the stuff people tell them about. If people are seeing spooky lights dance across the room, they check the windows and see what happens when a car passes by at night. Their big debunk is whenever someone is whining about being watched and feeling paranoid, they go looking around for electrical outlets and fuse boxes. If the wiring is fucked up, it can send electro-magnetic waves which causes paranoid and a general freakout. It can also make your dick about 2 inches long forever... which, if you have that, you're better off being a ghost.
Anywhoo, the show is AWESOME... and don't give me any bullshit about how it's all an act... all smoke and mirrors. What's the point? To turn a profit? Well, okay... sure... but to attempt to create an elaborate facade in a world where most of the audience are thinking they are bullshitting them anyway. Just seems grounds for major legal hassles.
Besides... ghosts are real.
Back in those "AIDS = sew the vags shut" 80's, I had problems getting up for school. Probably because I always fell to sleep late... probably because I took naps during the day after school... why? Ask my old prick father.
So one morning my alarm was blaring and I was slamming the snooze button and not having any intention of getting out of bed when all of tyhe sudden, my Mother started shaking me awake. Strong shove too. The woman had been fed up with me being so late for school all the time. Not that she was up making me a nice breakfast, or anything... heaven fucking forbid...
So she shook me awake, but I didn't get up. A few minutes later, she shook me AGAIN!! This time, she was JERKING ME... it was like seizure time or something. Finally, I shouted, "ALRIGHT MA!! I'M UP!!"
"Good for you," she said... across the hall, in her room.
I was up in a flash. "Ma?"
"What?"
"Didn't you just come in here and shake me awake?"
"No."
"Well then who did?"
"No one."
Oh.
Yes, someone did. It took me a day or two to process this, and to latch onto one little detail that I had missed as I was being shook... but as I sit here today, some 21 years later, I can tell you in all honesty...
... that I didn't feel any hands on me that morning.
I never had an experience like this again... and I'm not an epileptic. I was violently shook awake one morning... TWICE.
So yeah, there are ghosts. ANd the Ghost Hunters sometimes catches glimpses of them... shadows far away walk by, voices speak into the microphones. Every so often someone is shoved. My favorite episode was when they were in Ireland checking out a castle... or something and apparently these Ireland ghosts, called Wraiths, are nasty little arses...
Well, one of the Ghost Hunters had an Irish Demonologist with him, and he was pointing his camera down a dark hall while standing in an open doorway. He was shooting a shadow. And the shadow was getting larger.
"Dude," said Brian, the Ghost hunter, "The shadow is coming closer!"
"It's getting bigger, Brian," said the Irish Demonologist. "It's getting ready to attack. Better shut the door."
"It's coming! Whoa, this is awesome."
"It's getting ready to do something. Shut the door, Brian. NOW!"
Brian shut the door. "These things aren't something to toy with," said the Demonologist.
Yeah well, after the investigation, when they pour over the tapes... turns out that scary demon shadow was just Brian the Ghosthunter and the TV camera-light.
I had a good laugh at that one.
But what I really like about Ghost Hunters is that they are showing us ghosts... beings of energy with memories of when they were flesh.
Souls.
And if souls are legit... and if some of them don't "cross over"... then others do.
Ghost Hunters... you can call it cheesy, and dopey, and silly, and gay... but every Wednesday night they come on TV and show us that we just don't go dark after death. We aren't just our bodies. We have more and it goes somewhere after we perish.
I'm sure they know it, and I'm also sure they have no intention of EVER bringing it up (it's a messy topic at best), but these Ghost Hunters are not only showing us that ghosts exist, but they are also telling us that some spirits are INhuman... Demons.
In fact, they often refer to how messing with the Occult can sometimes bring forth evil demon spirits... stay away from those Ouji boards too, they'll say.
And that's why I love this show... you get ghosts, you get demons... and if you have demons you have to have a place where demons come from. That would be hell.
And if you have hell...
I love this show. They aren't chasing ghosts. They are looking for God.
And they've come damn close.
In two days I come back with nothing but answering comments.
