About the comments section.
I'm leaving it open to anyone to comment, and stay anonymous if they want. Lots of people would prefer to stay in hiding and have some fun. It's also fun for me to try to figure out who is who.
HOWEVER... this is NOT a column. This is NOT anything I'm looking to build an audience on. And this is NOT a fucking forum for assholes who don't like me to try to burn me with some flame notes. I'll delete your ass off if you bring the hate.
I don't want my ass kissed either, this isn't a forum for any of you to tell me how great I am, or was. You can say anything you want and have fun, but if you try to bitch at me for years of horrible columns and how much I suck, your comments will never last longer than a few hours.
So no hate and no excess love. Other than that, say whatever you want. And ask me anything too.
Of course, I can say anything about anyone anytime I want. My world here, my rules. Open season on anything else.
Okay, so what's a good topic to dwell on? Well, since my private life is fairly boring and I actually work a lot of hours, I don't have much to talk about...
Oh man, there was this crazy old bat who just HELD up the line at the bank with her nonsense... I HATE PEOPLE!!!!
See, how lame.
So I guess, as the title of this entry suggests, I'll venture very carefully into Scooter blog territory and talk about what TV shows I like to watch. Because... God Damn... I don't have Playstation of XBox or Wii or anything like that (because I know me, if I had video games here I would NEVER get any writing done... and my place would be a pig sty... and I'd probably get no sleep and call out sick alot. It's... it's just nothing I need in my life because it would become like heroin to me.
And these booty calls I sometimes brag about are really not a regular feature. They run more like every few weeks or so.
And all of my guy friends are married... and anyone who is single and of a certain age knows what that means.
ANYWAY... Television. We all watch it (except for assholes who can die with a large Hispanic cock rammed down their throat). We all enjoy it. It's the ultimate baby sitter, the ultimate third date activity, and, when its good, the ultimate inspirer.
So anywhoo... this is how my TV viewing usually breaks down:
Sunday:
- Sunday Night Football in America: I like this more then I usually like the game. It's about time someone created a evening football overview to go over the day's games and what's coming up later. Bob Costas has been around forever and is an absolute pro. Cris Collinsworth is probably the most natural crossover from player to host there ever was (Terry Bradshaw is too hokey and Howie Long doesn't even try to hide the fact that he's a humorless douchebag.) Tiki Barber is articulate, prepared, and likeable, and Jerome Bettis... umm... well he sucks.
I liked last year better than this year only because they tweaked things up where it didn't need to be tweaked. For one, they mostly seperate the ex-players from the lifelong announcers, but I'm truly thinking its because Costas and Collinsworth just don't get along... or even like each other (watch their body language sometimes), and Keith Olbermann is too concerned with selling his jokes to add anything substantial.
But still, you get the scores and the analysis and there are enough quality hosts to overcome the "What am I doing here anyway" Bettus and the "Oh come on, I'm FUNNY" Olbermann.
-60 Minutes: Only when they have a profile of something I care about, which is usually NEVER, but still... it's a good show to watch only because you know half-wits like Stone Phillips and Wolf Blitzer are watching and thinking, "Why can't I be that good??" It ain't a real story until 60 Minutes covers it
-The Simpsons- Yeah, it's not like it used to be. The movie pretty much showed us exactly how the show has been faltering over the last few years, but its the fucking Simpsons. And I think they'll be done after next season, which would be their twentieth year.
I'll say this again... IT'S THE FUCKING SIMPSONS.
HOWEVER, this isn't required viewing, often times I'll blow off the show. Why? DVD!! But that's a whole different area which I'll get into later.
-King of the Hill: Every time I see this show on my TV I think the same thing: "This show is still around??" then I change channels.
-Family Guy: No. Fuck them. The guys at South Park completely eviscerated this show and NAILED what's wrong with it. They were better off as an underground cult show. They truly are the Ring of Honor of TV shows... overrated.
FOR CHRISSAKES, PEOPLE... THEY PUT GLASSES AND HAIR ON HOMER SIMPSON AND THAT'S IT!! THEY DIDN'T EVEN CHANGE HIS WARDROBE
-HBO shows: Yeah, they've seen better days, days of Oz and Sex in the City, and the Sopranos. And lately they've been letting David Milch keep making bullshit shows that no one understands...
In fact, let me explain this David Milch asshole:
He got his TV writing career started when he wrote an episode of Hill Street Blues, which led to a steady gig for 5 years. Which is fine because he wasn't the top gun, he was a writer who's work was tweaked and polished by the real showrunners.
Then he created NYPD Blue with Stephen Bochco, and it was a huge success... and then David Caruso made the biggest fuck up in entertainment history and left the show to become a movie star (Caruso was so destroyed by this career misfire that he forgot how to act... which is why no one is praising his stellar work on CSI Miami). Blue hired Jimmy Smits to take Caruso's place, focused the series on the long, winding redemption of "Andy Sipowitz" and had a nice, long run
The problem is that somewhere during Jimmy Smits' run on the show, Bochco got bored and left to make other shows and Milch began writing... and he had the show all to himself... and he wrote every episode...
And not a single show in this period made a drop of sense. The sentences Milch wrote were literally GIBBERISH. It's why Smits left the show... it was too hard for the actors to sell this nonsense.
The plots were fine, the plots were standard TV fare, but the words Milch scripted to advanced the plot were headache inducing.
ABC saw this and told Milch to hire someone who knew how to COMMUNICATE WITH THE AUDIENCE... by that time Smits was long gone and they hired Rick Shroeder for some reason. The show hung on a while longer, with models now playing tough NYPD cops and Dennis Franz wadnering around thinking, "Jesus Christ thank God they are paying me a fortune for this shit", but Milch was out and people could understand what the actors were saying.
So Milch parlayed his NYPD Blue into a deal with HBO and his first show was Deadwood, which was a realistic western and Milch got to go right back to his gibberish writing style... and it WORKED because no one knows how they talked back 150 years ago... plus he had his characters saying, "Cocksucker" every other word. But Deadwood wasn't getting the ratings HBO wanted to justify such a costly set, so it's always on the fence whether it'll return or not.
Believe me, if Deadwood delivered the numbers, HBO wouldn't hesitate to run it as long as Milch wanted.
And why isn't it getting the ratings? BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK MILCH IS TRYING TO SAY!! GIBBERISH!!!
So THEN, Milch made John from Cincinnati, which is a whacked story about a surfer family and a visitor who might be God, or Jesus, and the series had potential, and legs, and it was highly original, and it's just the sort of series HBO SHOULD be putting out, because it could've been groundbreaking.
But that asshole Milch, who has no idea how to write in a way that's accessible to the audience, wrote every word of the show.
CANCELLED... because of GIBBERISH.
Basically, David Milch is like Vince Russo. He has no idea that he is his own worst enemy.
I love Entourage and I love Curb Your Enthusiam.
Umm... oh, and I really dug Ice Road Truckers. It was a reality show about a bunch of truckers, mostly from Canada, who used a six week window where certain lakes up in the Northwest territories were frozen enough so they could haul unholy weighted cargo 250-300 miles across these lakes to diamond mines. The trucks kept breaking down on some, others got lost in blizzards, you were always wondering when a truck would fall in the lakes, and they all had these intense Canadian accents.
But I also liked Sundays because one of the Science/Discovery channels always ran SurvivorMan and/or Man vs Wild which is the same exact show only with two different guys living for a week in some miserable, uninhabitable place. I prefer Les Shroud myself... because the British dude was caught living it up in the hotels when the cameras came off. The only thing that pisses me off about these shows is that the host is always talking about the killer animals that are after him, but we never see them.
For instance, Les Stroud did a week in the Amazon rain forest, and at the end we see him, with the camera on his face, fleeing his camp because he went to take a piss and came back to see a Jaquar looking at him. Well, then Stroud is walking/running through the woods and he's all like, "Ohhh shit, the jaquar's after me" and then he finds a native hut and gets inside and as the credits roll he says, "You can hear the damn cat pacing just on the other side of this wall!!" Well, SHOOT THE FUCKING CAMERA AND LET US SEE IT, TOUGH GUY!!!
This guy is always showing us snake holes but they are ALL abandoned. No, we get to see rats and ants.
It's like dating a girl, listening to her stories, telling her how awesome she is, then watching her marry someone else and you never got into those pants... WHAT A GIP!!
Anyway, that's what I like on Sundays.
Now that I have something to write about, I can space this out over the next few blogs. So we'll quit here. I'll be back in a few.
