About the comments section.
I'm leaving it open to anyone to comment, and stay anonymous if they want. Lots of people would prefer to stay in hiding and have some fun. It's also fun for me to try to figure out who is who.
HOWEVER... this is NOT a column. This is NOT anything I'm looking to build an audience on. And this is NOT a fucking forum for assholes who don't like me to try to burn me with some flame notes. I'll delete your ass off if you bring the hate.
I don't want my ass kissed either, this isn't a forum for any of you to tell me how great I am, or was. You can say anything you want and have fun, but if you try to bitch at me for years of horrible columns and how much I suck, your comments will never last longer than a few hours.
So no hate and no excess love. Other than that, say whatever you want. And ask me anything too.
Of course, I can say anything about anyone anytime I want. My world here, my rules. Open season on anything else.
Okay, so what's a good topic to dwell on? Well, since my private life is fairly boring and I actually work a lot of hours, I don't have much to talk about...
Oh man, there was this crazy old bat who just HELD up the line at the bank with her nonsense... I HATE PEOPLE!!!!
See, how lame.
So I guess, as the title of this entry suggests, I'll venture very carefully into Scooter blog territory and talk about what TV shows I like to watch. Because... God Damn... I don't have Playstation of XBox or Wii or anything like that (because I know me, if I had video games here I would NEVER get any writing done... and my place would be a pig sty... and I'd probably get no sleep and call out sick alot. It's... it's just nothing I need in my life because it would become like heroin to me.
And these booty calls I sometimes brag about are really not a regular feature. They run more like every few weeks or so.
And all of my guy friends are married... and anyone who is single and of a certain age knows what that means.
ANYWAY... Television. We all watch it (except for assholes who can die with a large Hispanic cock rammed down their throat). We all enjoy it. It's the ultimate baby sitter, the ultimate third date activity, and, when its good, the ultimate inspirer.
So anywhoo... this is how my TV viewing usually breaks down:
Sunday:
- Sunday Night Football in America: I like this more then I usually like the game. It's about time someone created a evening football overview to go over the day's games and what's coming up later. Bob Costas has been around forever and is an absolute pro. Cris Collinsworth is probably the most natural crossover from player to host there ever was (Terry Bradshaw is too hokey and Howie Long doesn't even try to hide the fact that he's a humorless douchebag.) Tiki Barber is articulate, prepared, and likeable, and Jerome Bettis... umm... well he sucks.
I liked last year better than this year only because they tweaked things up where it didn't need to be tweaked. For one, they mostly seperate the ex-players from the lifelong announcers, but I'm truly thinking its because Costas and Collinsworth just don't get along... or even like each other (watch their body language sometimes), and Keith Olbermann is too concerned with selling his jokes to add anything substantial.
But still, you get the scores and the analysis and there are enough quality hosts to overcome the "What am I doing here anyway" Bettus and the "Oh come on, I'm FUNNY" Olbermann.
-60 Minutes: Only when they have a profile of something I care about, which is usually NEVER, but still... it's a good show to watch only because you know half-wits like Stone Phillips and Wolf Blitzer are watching and thinking, "Why can't I be that good??" It ain't a real story until 60 Minutes covers it
-The Simpsons- Yeah, it's not like it used to be. The movie pretty much showed us exactly how the show has been faltering over the last few years, but its the fucking Simpsons. And I think they'll be done after next season, which would be their twentieth year.
I'll say this again... IT'S THE FUCKING SIMPSONS.
HOWEVER, this isn't required viewing, often times I'll blow off the show. Why? DVD!! But that's a whole different area which I'll get into later.
-King of the Hill: Every time I see this show on my TV I think the same thing: "This show is still around??" then I change channels.
-Family Guy: No. Fuck them. The guys at South Park completely eviscerated this show and NAILED what's wrong with it. They were better off as an underground cult show. They truly are the Ring of Honor of TV shows... overrated.
FOR CHRISSAKES, PEOPLE... THEY PUT GLASSES AND HAIR ON HOMER SIMPSON AND THAT'S IT!! THEY DIDN'T EVEN CHANGE HIS WARDROBE
-HBO shows: Yeah, they've seen better days, days of Oz and Sex in the City, and the Sopranos. And lately they've been letting David Milch keep making bullshit shows that no one understands...
In fact, let me explain this David Milch asshole:
He got his TV writing career started when he wrote an episode of Hill Street Blues, which led to a steady gig for 5 years. Which is fine because he wasn't the top gun, he was a writer who's work was tweaked and polished by the real showrunners.
Then he created NYPD Blue with Stephen Bochco, and it was a huge success... and then David Caruso made the biggest fuck up in entertainment history and left the show to become a movie star (Caruso was so destroyed by this career misfire that he forgot how to act... which is why no one is praising his stellar work on CSI Miami). Blue hired Jimmy Smits to take Caruso's place, focused the series on the long, winding redemption of "Andy Sipowitz" and had a nice, long run
The problem is that somewhere during Jimmy Smits' run on the show, Bochco got bored and left to make other shows and Milch began writing... and he had the show all to himself... and he wrote every episode...
And not a single show in this period made a drop of sense. The sentences Milch wrote were literally GIBBERISH. It's why Smits left the show... it was too hard for the actors to sell this nonsense.
The plots were fine, the plots were standard TV fare, but the words Milch scripted to advanced the plot were headache inducing.
ABC saw this and told Milch to hire someone who knew how to COMMUNICATE WITH THE AUDIENCE... by that time Smits was long gone and they hired Rick Shroeder for some reason. The show hung on a while longer, with models now playing tough NYPD cops and Dennis Franz wadnering around thinking, "Jesus Christ thank God they are paying me a fortune for this shit", but Milch was out and people could understand what the actors were saying.
So Milch parlayed his NYPD Blue into a deal with HBO and his first show was Deadwood, which was a realistic western and Milch got to go right back to his gibberish writing style... and it WORKED because no one knows how they talked back 150 years ago... plus he had his characters saying, "Cocksucker" every other word. But Deadwood wasn't getting the ratings HBO wanted to justify such a costly set, so it's always on the fence whether it'll return or not.
Believe me, if Deadwood delivered the numbers, HBO wouldn't hesitate to run it as long as Milch wanted.
And why isn't it getting the ratings? BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK MILCH IS TRYING TO SAY!! GIBBERISH!!!
So THEN, Milch made John from Cincinnati, which is a whacked story about a surfer family and a visitor who might be God, or Jesus, and the series had potential, and legs, and it was highly original, and it's just the sort of series HBO SHOULD be putting out, because it could've been groundbreaking.
But that asshole Milch, who has no idea how to write in a way that's accessible to the audience, wrote every word of the show.
CANCELLED... because of GIBBERISH.
Basically, David Milch is like Vince Russo. He has no idea that he is his own worst enemy.
I love Entourage and I love Curb Your Enthusiam.
Umm... oh, and I really dug Ice Road Truckers. It was a reality show about a bunch of truckers, mostly from Canada, who used a six week window where certain lakes up in the Northwest territories were frozen enough so they could haul unholy weighted cargo 250-300 miles across these lakes to diamond mines. The trucks kept breaking down on some, others got lost in blizzards, you were always wondering when a truck would fall in the lakes, and they all had these intense Canadian accents.
But I also liked Sundays because one of the Science/Discovery channels always ran SurvivorMan and/or Man vs Wild which is the same exact show only with two different guys living for a week in some miserable, uninhabitable place. I prefer Les Shroud myself... because the British dude was caught living it up in the hotels when the cameras came off. The only thing that pisses me off about these shows is that the host is always talking about the killer animals that are after him, but we never see them.
For instance, Les Stroud did a week in the Amazon rain forest, and at the end we see him, with the camera on his face, fleeing his camp because he went to take a piss and came back to see a Jaquar looking at him. Well, then Stroud is walking/running through the woods and he's all like, "Ohhh shit, the jaquar's after me" and then he finds a native hut and gets inside and as the credits roll he says, "You can hear the damn cat pacing just on the other side of this wall!!" Well, SHOOT THE FUCKING CAMERA AND LET US SEE IT, TOUGH GUY!!!
This guy is always showing us snake holes but they are ALL abandoned. No, we get to see rats and ants.
It's like dating a girl, listening to her stories, telling her how awesome she is, then watching her marry someone else and you never got into those pants... WHAT A GIP!!
Anyway, that's what I like on Sundays.
Now that I have something to write about, I can space this out over the next few blogs. So we'll quit here. I'll be back in a few.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Saturday, September 22, 2007
September 22, 2007 12:22 AM Anonymous said... good job ripping off DVDVR
How does one rip off an entire message board? Especially one so lame as that one?
My favorite Death Valley Driver moment was when CM Punk was on that Ghosthunters live Halloween show and the DVD kids actually thought the shows producers were reading their site, their thread, and giving their messages to Punk.
Anyway, just to make it clear, there isn't a single person who HAS EVER posted a message on the death valley driver board, whether it be today, yesterday, or a week from now, or a year from now... HAS EVER OR WILL EVER... who I would find worth ripping off.
People go to DVDR board because the wrestling classics board goes over their fucking heads with the complicated topics.
I don't rip off chumps and lame fagolas
How does one rip off an entire message board? Especially one so lame as that one?
My favorite Death Valley Driver moment was when CM Punk was on that Ghosthunters live Halloween show and the DVD kids actually thought the shows producers were reading their site, their thread, and giving their messages to Punk.
Anyway, just to make it clear, there isn't a single person who HAS EVER posted a message on the death valley driver board, whether it be today, yesterday, or a week from now, or a year from now... HAS EVER OR WILL EVER... who I would find worth ripping off.
People go to DVDR board because the wrestling classics board goes over their fucking heads with the complicated topics.
I don't rip off chumps and lame fagolas
Thursday, September 20, 2007
of sports and monkey man faces and other droplets
HYATTE (so a google search goes right here)
So anyways, the goal is to do this twice a week, at least. I've broken all my promises about blogging and all that already (STILL no MySpace and I found the delete button on Facebook, so that's gone. I have no idea why I keep reminding you that I have no MySpace or Facebook... I swear I'm not seting up a giant Myspace debut or anything.), but I figure... if I'm going to do this, I might as well do it in a style I'm familiar with... long segments. LOOOONG segments!
I'd rather sit down and hammer shit out twice a week then splatter about sever times a week... or in many cases, several TIMES A DAY! Fuckin' losers.
GRUT... nope, I have nothing to say. I stand by my theory on what happened and since he's not dumb enoiugh to try to post anonymously again and accuse me of war crimes, I'll let the birdie fly away. Besides, the comments from you folks were more than enough.
My favorite being: Go away GRUT! No one likes you! from "DewersXXX" Hyuck.
Football: Do you realize that we now have an extremely pissed off New England Patriots team whose only agenda is to blow the holy shit out of every smartass team that comes up against them? Belichek fucked up, yeah, so what, pretty much everyone is saying, "Well, this isn't anything NEW here, he's just the dumb ass who got caught!"
Belichek was taught how to Coach a football team under Bill Parcells... you really think Parcells didn't try every single dirty trick to get him the advantage?
This is a monster, these Patriots. Tom Brady has been pissed off for two years running now. Randy Moss has something major to prove after sitting in his own piss in Oakland. Brady is a throwing QB, (in case the fact that he spent most of the FIRST QUARTER OF SUNDAY'S GAME doing nothing but lobbing short and long bombs) and has been waiting a full year for quality hands. Whenever Brady decides to run the ball, consider it a favor.
New England's going to make a statement all season long, it's going to be sheer hell to watch for all but the six states sitting in the northeast corner of the states.
Can't wait for November 4th, or as we here in the colonies call it: Payback Time!
Red Sox: Yankee fans don't get too excited. The Sox ALWAYS have a tiny little meltdown right around late summer. The Sox and the Yanks are only the two strongest teams in MLB, it only makes sense that the whole season ends with the typical knock-down, drag-out, heartbreaker.
Derek Jeter, someone remind me to tell you why he's too jaded to be a team leader anymore.
Hmm... let's see...
Heh, the funniest thing ever is that this David Beckham made soccer semi-cool for about ten seconds, then blew out his knee and no one cares about "the pitch" anymore.
Listen, in AMERICA, when we see an athlete, who is crying about a hurt ankle and can't play... when we see him and his bone stick, waaaay too pampered for our liking (we threw Gwyneth Paltrow out of the country because of her snobby attitude) wife all over the gossip pages eating at nice restaurants and drinking and partying and getting dressed up and NOT REHABBING THAT BAD ANKLE and then we read how he has to fly across the pond to play for another team... even though we dumped a shitload of good, hard american dollars on his ass... and when he comes back only to blow out his knee and shout, "Bloody 'ell, that's it for me fer a good 6 month bit!"... and this is someone who's playing a sport that we tolerate at best...
This isn't Merry Ol' England... we don't forgive people who are paid UnGodly sums to make us watch a sport we weren't thinking about embracing anytime soon.
The rest of the world can have "football"... we want gigantic black men slamming into other gigantic black men (and a few white quarterbacks) once a week (with one game on Mondays) and know that when the other team grabs the ball it's a BIG, EXCITING MOMENT... not boring business as usual.
Oh and, of course, there's the whole gambling thing... very big with NFL games, not so much with Soccer.
I'll get into soccer when I know I'll get some really good pussy after the game.
Ashley: I had to watch Survivor tonight just because Meltzer said she wasn't going to last for long... and you can see why.
In a PR embarrasment that's almost as bad as this whole, "Everyone's dying on us, for god's sakes!" epidemic, Ashley Massaro (who looks like a man with all the make-up off, but with it on she looks really good... anyone have her AIM screen name?), the BIG TIME WWE ATHLETE WITH BIG OL' ARMS, LUSCIOUS OL' BOOBIES, A ROCKIN' BOD, SIX PACK ABS, AND A FIESTY ATTITUDE spent the CRUCIAL period of the show where the Tribes get a feel for one another and establish friendships... she spent it sick.
No, like fetal position almost puking sick. Completely helpless and useless.
Luckily for her, an old dude named "Chicken" who I KNOW feels a woman's place is in the kitchen and isn't opposed to slapping a woman until she LEARNS was the first one taken out.
Ashley's doomed... like, voted out next week doomed... and then she might as well update her resume and call TNA because the WWE, who already have enough problems, can't possibly be happy with one of their Superstar Athletic Super Hero Divas get out muscled by a fucking waitress from New York and a Christian radio talk show host.
They've been looking for a reason to fire her for years now.
Okay then, how about some questions, taken from various comments from various entries
September 4, 2007 12:24 PM... Boris says...Hyatte, RE: Superman Returns. Kevin Smith said the same thing about no punches. Are you a fat of the tubby-bearded-foulmouthed one? Seems you are quite similar in many ways...
Boris... how about you post a few questions anonymously once or twice, okay... spice things up.
And I do see your countdown thing and I only wonder if I'm going to last until you reach 0.
Am I fat? Umm... noooo, but it's harder to keep off as the years go bye.
Just because Kevin Smith saw the same obvious flaw in Superman Returns that I did doesn't make us simpatico... it makes the movie bad.
I feel bad for Kevin Smith... well, not really, but the guy is a year or so older than me, and God bless him for fashioning a nifty little career with a cult audience that is large enough to be almost mainstream (although that huge, boffo, big money movie has eluded him), but remember when he did Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and he made a MASSIVE promotional blitz where he swore, on a stack of bibles, that this was his farewell to that sort of movie making and he was moving on to SERIOUS fare?
Then he thought Ben Affleck and Jersey Girl would blaze this trail.
And it bombed... huge... because Ben Affleck movies will bomb... now and forever.
And it was right back to, what he calls "Dick and Fart" jokes.
Smith is his own worst enemy. He's also a contradiction. He has something to say and writes beautifully, but his filmaking, his storytelling, is LAZY!! I just re-watched Dogma the other night and fucking DAMN... what he was trying to say was fine but the bullshit direction... the piss-poor special effects... the action scenes... horrible... pathetic... low-rent.
It's almost like he doesn't have the confidence to play it straight and let the jokes flow from words, he has to go all slap-stick.
And now he's an older dude and he's STILL playing to the comic book crowd? I have to figure he's a little depressed about this... I mean, if he's a true artist.
He should let someone else direct his films.
And STAY AWAY FROM AFFLECK!!! BOX OFFICE POISON, THAT BOY IS!!
September 11, 2007 12:28 AM Jesse Baker said... People still watch the VMAs? Granted I stopped watching MTV when they stopped airing Daria and Jackass, but I'm shocked they don't just say fuck it and move the VMAs to VH1 or VH1 Classic. Where you know, they actually fucking show music videos. It's not even a fun trainwreck anymore to watch: nothing but stupid spoiled whores all around, as the network shills the rich blonde whore lifestyle as if that is the only acceptable way to live life and fuck you if you are middle-class or dirt poor. MTV's turned into a sanity-destroying, HP Lovecraft abomination. Only instead of a murderous cosmic octopus god, you have the cunts from Super Sweet Sixteen and "Real World: Now Utterly Irrelevant".
Jesse Baker? Is that you? What happened to that quiet, polite, shy kid who used to IM me and be scared shitless while doing so? Wow... college sure creates mouthy little brats.
The funny thing is, this is a generational argument... which means people have been complaining about MTV for years and years now, and it's always about the same stuff... CONTENT.
MTV won't change because they want to make money... and advertisers pay more for shows where people can leave their date and go on a new one rather then endless videos. Ultimately, MTV wants shows that they can film and turn into movies... why else do they give Bam Magera a free ride to make whatever show he wants. So he'll agree to Jackass 3 (and believe me, there won't be a Jackass 3 without the trio of Magera, Knoxville, and Steve O... the fat guy is useless, the dwarf is only good for two or three skits, Ryan Dunn isn't doing anything without Magera, there's the one guy who's big stunt is that he shits in strange places who is forgettable, there's the other guy who I think is sucking off one of the producers and that Chris Pontious dude just freaks me OUT)
MTV can talk about being all about pop culture all they want, but at the end of the day their corporate bosses (Les Moonves, if I'm not mistaken) want content that generates dollars... just like every big business.
Radio is the same way, which is why the next Nirvana, or any other band that will take things to the next level, have a loooooong battle ahead of them.
September 17, 2007 10:31 AM Wayne said... Oh brother. How did Grut know where you worked, man? I thought you were the man of secrets. Why would you tell him where you work?
There was a period where I trusted the wrong people. I'm pretty sure I told Grut where I worked and what I did but who remembers that long ago.
It doesn't happen again and Gloomchen really does have a big, BIG mouth.
September 11, 2007 4:04 AM Anonymous said... Rhianna sucks.
Listen, you:
You had my heart
and we'll never be world apart
Maybe in magazines
but you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the Dark
You can see shiny Cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
BECAUSE!!
When the sun shines
We’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
And next time I attach the video.
September 14, 2007 9:12 AM Anonymous said... Hyatte, what probably happened with your cox email is pretty simple. A spammer used your email address in his FROM field, his email list probably contains thousands of unvalid emails, when an email is sent to an invalid recipeant, the email address in the from field receives a bounce back from posmaster.
Well that's just great. The email is gone, dead, no more. Let those bazillion letters bounce endlessly around cyberspace for all I care.
And finally...
September 20, 2007 9:13 AM Anonymous said... So how do you expect to receive email if your account is having problems? Then the audacity to moan that somone may not have been in contact!!!
Well... see... it's a deal where you haven't read what I wrote fully, just skimmed through it... this is what I wrote, pay attention now:
So I canceled the account. I use a yahoo e-mail anyway. And I ain't telling YOU because I don't need to be on anyone's mailing list.
See, the yahoo account, a very nice account that friends and family use to contact me and I receive IMMEDIATELY, is alive and well and eagerly awaiting mail from people I would like to hear from and hope they would like to hear from me.
If I don't see an e-mail from them as the weeks go by, I figure they have moved on and I can't do much about it... other than wish them well and remember the good times.
Basically, I'm very easy to find and stay in touch with. But you got to WANT TO.
Then, of course, there's the whole advanced, more personal lecture where I explain why I don't e-mail people first because the e-mails don't get answered and that's a real slap in the face AND an insult... but that's a different story.
I don't get mad, sometimes frustrated, but not mad. Disappointed, but not mad.
Well then... that's a good blog. I'm off. Good night.
So anyways, the goal is to do this twice a week, at least. I've broken all my promises about blogging and all that already (STILL no MySpace and I found the delete button on Facebook, so that's gone. I have no idea why I keep reminding you that I have no MySpace or Facebook... I swear I'm not seting up a giant Myspace debut or anything.), but I figure... if I'm going to do this, I might as well do it in a style I'm familiar with... long segments. LOOOONG segments!
I'd rather sit down and hammer shit out twice a week then splatter about sever times a week... or in many cases, several TIMES A DAY! Fuckin' losers.
GRUT... nope, I have nothing to say. I stand by my theory on what happened and since he's not dumb enoiugh to try to post anonymously again and accuse me of war crimes, I'll let the birdie fly away. Besides, the comments from you folks were more than enough.
My favorite being: Go away GRUT! No one likes you! from "DewersXXX" Hyuck.
Football: Do you realize that we now have an extremely pissed off New England Patriots team whose only agenda is to blow the holy shit out of every smartass team that comes up against them? Belichek fucked up, yeah, so what, pretty much everyone is saying, "Well, this isn't anything NEW here, he's just the dumb ass who got caught!"
Belichek was taught how to Coach a football team under Bill Parcells... you really think Parcells didn't try every single dirty trick to get him the advantage?
This is a monster, these Patriots. Tom Brady has been pissed off for two years running now. Randy Moss has something major to prove after sitting in his own piss in Oakland. Brady is a throwing QB, (in case the fact that he spent most of the FIRST QUARTER OF SUNDAY'S GAME doing nothing but lobbing short and long bombs) and has been waiting a full year for quality hands. Whenever Brady decides to run the ball, consider it a favor.
New England's going to make a statement all season long, it's going to be sheer hell to watch for all but the six states sitting in the northeast corner of the states.
Can't wait for November 4th, or as we here in the colonies call it: Payback Time!
Red Sox: Yankee fans don't get too excited. The Sox ALWAYS have a tiny little meltdown right around late summer. The Sox and the Yanks are only the two strongest teams in MLB, it only makes sense that the whole season ends with the typical knock-down, drag-out, heartbreaker.
Derek Jeter, someone remind me to tell you why he's too jaded to be a team leader anymore.
Hmm... let's see...
Heh, the funniest thing ever is that this David Beckham made soccer semi-cool for about ten seconds, then blew out his knee and no one cares about "the pitch" anymore.
Listen, in AMERICA, when we see an athlete, who is crying about a hurt ankle and can't play... when we see him and his bone stick, waaaay too pampered for our liking (we threw Gwyneth Paltrow out of the country because of her snobby attitude) wife all over the gossip pages eating at nice restaurants and drinking and partying and getting dressed up and NOT REHABBING THAT BAD ANKLE and then we read how he has to fly across the pond to play for another team... even though we dumped a shitload of good, hard american dollars on his ass... and when he comes back only to blow out his knee and shout, "Bloody 'ell, that's it for me fer a good 6 month bit!"... and this is someone who's playing a sport that we tolerate at best...
This isn't Merry Ol' England... we don't forgive people who are paid UnGodly sums to make us watch a sport we weren't thinking about embracing anytime soon.
The rest of the world can have "football"... we want gigantic black men slamming into other gigantic black men (and a few white quarterbacks) once a week (with one game on Mondays) and know that when the other team grabs the ball it's a BIG, EXCITING MOMENT... not boring business as usual.
Oh and, of course, there's the whole gambling thing... very big with NFL games, not so much with Soccer.
I'll get into soccer when I know I'll get some really good pussy after the game.
Ashley: I had to watch Survivor tonight just because Meltzer said she wasn't going to last for long... and you can see why.
In a PR embarrasment that's almost as bad as this whole, "Everyone's dying on us, for god's sakes!" epidemic, Ashley Massaro (who looks like a man with all the make-up off, but with it on she looks really good... anyone have her AIM screen name?), the BIG TIME WWE ATHLETE WITH BIG OL' ARMS, LUSCIOUS OL' BOOBIES, A ROCKIN' BOD, SIX PACK ABS, AND A FIESTY ATTITUDE spent the CRUCIAL period of the show where the Tribes get a feel for one another and establish friendships... she spent it sick.
No, like fetal position almost puking sick. Completely helpless and useless.
Luckily for her, an old dude named "Chicken" who I KNOW feels a woman's place is in the kitchen and isn't opposed to slapping a woman until she LEARNS was the first one taken out.
Ashley's doomed... like, voted out next week doomed... and then she might as well update her resume and call TNA because the WWE, who already have enough problems, can't possibly be happy with one of their Superstar Athletic Super Hero Divas get out muscled by a fucking waitress from New York and a Christian radio talk show host.
They've been looking for a reason to fire her for years now.
Okay then, how about some questions, taken from various comments from various entries
September 4, 2007 12:24 PM... Boris says...Hyatte, RE: Superman Returns. Kevin Smith said the same thing about no punches. Are you a fat of the tubby-bearded-foulmouthed one? Seems you are quite similar in many ways...
Boris... how about you post a few questions anonymously once or twice, okay... spice things up.
And I do see your countdown thing and I only wonder if I'm going to last until you reach 0.
Am I fat? Umm... noooo, but it's harder to keep off as the years go bye.
Just because Kevin Smith saw the same obvious flaw in Superman Returns that I did doesn't make us simpatico... it makes the movie bad.
I feel bad for Kevin Smith... well, not really, but the guy is a year or so older than me, and God bless him for fashioning a nifty little career with a cult audience that is large enough to be almost mainstream (although that huge, boffo, big money movie has eluded him), but remember when he did Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and he made a MASSIVE promotional blitz where he swore, on a stack of bibles, that this was his farewell to that sort of movie making and he was moving on to SERIOUS fare?
Then he thought Ben Affleck and Jersey Girl would blaze this trail.
And it bombed... huge... because Ben Affleck movies will bomb... now and forever.
And it was right back to, what he calls "Dick and Fart" jokes.
Smith is his own worst enemy. He's also a contradiction. He has something to say and writes beautifully, but his filmaking, his storytelling, is LAZY!! I just re-watched Dogma the other night and fucking DAMN... what he was trying to say was fine but the bullshit direction... the piss-poor special effects... the action scenes... horrible... pathetic... low-rent.
It's almost like he doesn't have the confidence to play it straight and let the jokes flow from words, he has to go all slap-stick.
And now he's an older dude and he's STILL playing to the comic book crowd? I have to figure he's a little depressed about this... I mean, if he's a true artist.
He should let someone else direct his films.
And STAY AWAY FROM AFFLECK!!! BOX OFFICE POISON, THAT BOY IS!!
September 11, 2007 12:28 AM Jesse Baker said... People still watch the VMAs? Granted I stopped watching MTV when they stopped airing Daria and Jackass, but I'm shocked they don't just say fuck it and move the VMAs to VH1 or VH1 Classic. Where you know, they actually fucking show music videos. It's not even a fun trainwreck anymore to watch: nothing but stupid spoiled whores all around, as the network shills the rich blonde whore lifestyle as if that is the only acceptable way to live life and fuck you if you are middle-class or dirt poor. MTV's turned into a sanity-destroying, HP Lovecraft abomination. Only instead of a murderous cosmic octopus god, you have the cunts from Super Sweet Sixteen and "Real World: Now Utterly Irrelevant".
Jesse Baker? Is that you? What happened to that quiet, polite, shy kid who used to IM me and be scared shitless while doing so? Wow... college sure creates mouthy little brats.
The funny thing is, this is a generational argument... which means people have been complaining about MTV for years and years now, and it's always about the same stuff... CONTENT.
MTV won't change because they want to make money... and advertisers pay more for shows where people can leave their date and go on a new one rather then endless videos. Ultimately, MTV wants shows that they can film and turn into movies... why else do they give Bam Magera a free ride to make whatever show he wants. So he'll agree to Jackass 3 (and believe me, there won't be a Jackass 3 without the trio of Magera, Knoxville, and Steve O... the fat guy is useless, the dwarf is only good for two or three skits, Ryan Dunn isn't doing anything without Magera, there's the one guy who's big stunt is that he shits in strange places who is forgettable, there's the other guy who I think is sucking off one of the producers and that Chris Pontious dude just freaks me OUT)
MTV can talk about being all about pop culture all they want, but at the end of the day their corporate bosses (Les Moonves, if I'm not mistaken) want content that generates dollars... just like every big business.
Radio is the same way, which is why the next Nirvana, or any other band that will take things to the next level, have a loooooong battle ahead of them.
September 17, 2007 10:31 AM Wayne said... Oh brother. How did Grut know where you worked, man? I thought you were the man of secrets. Why would you tell him where you work?
There was a period where I trusted the wrong people. I'm pretty sure I told Grut where I worked and what I did but who remembers that long ago.
It doesn't happen again and Gloomchen really does have a big, BIG mouth.
September 11, 2007 4:04 AM Anonymous said... Rhianna sucks.
Listen, you:
You had my heart
and we'll never be world apart
Maybe in magazines
but you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the Dark
You can see shiny Cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
BECAUSE!!
When the sun shines
We’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
And next time I attach the video.
September 14, 2007 9:12 AM Anonymous said... Hyatte, what probably happened with your cox email is pretty simple. A spammer used your email address in his FROM field, his email list probably contains thousands of unvalid emails, when an email is sent to an invalid recipeant, the email address in the from field receives a bounce back from posmaster.
Well that's just great. The email is gone, dead, no more. Let those bazillion letters bounce endlessly around cyberspace for all I care.
And finally...
September 20, 2007 9:13 AM Anonymous said... So how do you expect to receive email if your account is having problems? Then the audacity to moan that somone may not have been in contact!!!
Well... see... it's a deal where you haven't read what I wrote fully, just skimmed through it... this is what I wrote, pay attention now:
So I canceled the account. I use a yahoo e-mail anyway. And I ain't telling YOU because I don't need to be on anyone's mailing list.
See, the yahoo account, a very nice account that friends and family use to contact me and I receive IMMEDIATELY, is alive and well and eagerly awaiting mail from people I would like to hear from and hope they would like to hear from me.
If I don't see an e-mail from them as the weeks go by, I figure they have moved on and I can't do much about it... other than wish them well and remember the good times.
Basically, I'm very easy to find and stay in touch with. But you got to WANT TO.
Then, of course, there's the whole advanced, more personal lecture where I explain why I don't e-mail people first because the e-mails don't get answered and that's a real slap in the face AND an insult... but that's a different story.
I don't get mad, sometimes frustrated, but not mad. Disappointed, but not mad.
Well then... that's a good blog. I'm off. Good night.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Very tired and busy
I'll get to a full blog when I get to a full blog.
JEWS! How about 'em
Here's a story that unfolded right here in front of everyone reading but only I caught the full story.
So, while answering all these questions you all asked, I had - on two occasions - mentioned Joshua Grut and his few attempts to get me in a net feud. All of these attempts failed because... the hell should I fight with him? Jesus.
Anyway, I guess Josh felt I was OUT OF LINE... or manipulating the truth to serve my own needs... or just being a dickhead. So the following landed in my comments section:
Anonymous said... I'm so glad to learn we were never feuding as you posted someone calling me a kike online inspiring others to do it. Say, where are your archives? Oh! You deleted them all shortly after that incident. Well, at least we both know it had nothing to do with me. Great column on Benoit. Keep up the good work. Smileys!
Okay... so then came my Friday night little run-off where I was hooting on about strippers and missing fingers, basically all to piss someone off (worked too), but I threw the following in that post:
Don't expect much for the next few days, but when I blog again we'll talk about self-hating jews. (WHOA... someone just screamed "red alert")
And apparently, I wasn't wrong... because the next day, in a comment thread from an earlier post, I get this:
Putnam Ventures said... This is Grut. I got an IM from someone today asking why I was trying to pick a fight with Hyatte. Whoever wrote the above comment was not me. I want as little to do with Hyatte as he does with me.
And so it ends! No harm, no foul. Someone tried to stir the pot and it was caught in time, RIGHT! Aces, now we can move on.
Except I don't buy this line of bullshit for one second.
Here's what REALLY happened: Grut got drunk one night, read this blog, got pissy, posted that anonymous comment, drank some more, counted his money, felt better, went to sleep, woke up, did what he does during the day, came home, went online, went to this blog, read my thing about "self-hating Jews", remembered what he posted, reviewed it, said, "Oy Vey!", and posted the "it wasn't me, leave me alone!" comment, and patted himself on the back for dodging this bullet.
And of course, HE didn't read it, SOMEONE TOLD HIM ABOUT IT.... because, you know, IWC Rule #45: Never admit to reading anything yourself, ALWAYS say you heard about it second-hand.
I should know, I wrote this handbook.
Problem is, where have I made Jew jokes about Grut? How about none in the last 4 years.
And what have I deleted? What columns where I went all Hitler on the kid and called all my readers to go get him and put him on the train? Inside Pulse? I can't delete those, Widro has the keys to that site and changed the locks the moment I went to DOI. If he deleted the columns that's his choice.
What I DO know is that Josh Grut is Jewish, and he'll never let you forget. I also know that one time, a long while ago, he e-mailed me accusing me of perpetrating "hate crimes" because I was doing my usual column stuff and someone, probably some teenage kid, IM'ed him and said, "Hey, Jewish guy!" Or something equally dreadful and suddenly, he's Anne Franke and I'm burning through every attic in New York trying to find him. Oh, and I have an army behind me.
FOUR YEARS AGO THIS HAPPENED!!
Maybe three, actually.
Then there was this e-mail that he sent to my work. Yes, to my WORK, where he cut and pasted every bad thing I've ever said about Jewish people (8 years of columns and he managed a whole page and a half of material) and sent it in saying, "This is who you have on staff!!" The PROBLEM is, he sent it unsigned and under the dopey e-mail address "Sweetrevenge@gmail.com"
It didn't have the desired effect. No one read it except for one person, who had no idea who Chris Hyatte is so she deleted it.
How do I know it's Grut? Because no one else would be so sensitive about anything I say to try such a lame stunt. And no one I know is so sensitive about being Jewish.
It's funny, I can make black jokes and the only time anyone gets angry is when I go too far and drop the n-bomb... and they aren't even really mad, they are more like, "I get the joke, but could you lay off the actual use of the word, bro'"... which I do and everyone's happy.
How many times have I said, "Allah is a homo"? Countless... how many Muslims wrote to me and chewed me a new one? Zero.
But a few Jew jokes aimed NOT at the people but at a hyper-sensitive kid who just got pissed because I dropped him as a friend... oh the humanity.
The Jews have had some bad shit handed to them over the years, I'm pretty sure they aren't fingering me as the leader of the New Reich. And I don't see a person with "stein" or "berg" attached to their last name and start thinking "kike"... it doesn't even cross my mind. I have my own problems to deal with.
So Grut... fuck yourself... not because you're a Jew, but because you're an asshole. Fopr a LOT of reasons that are long in the past and not worth revisiting. You're out of my universe, you're dead to me, and it might be best to not read this thing while you're drunk.
It's not my fault you couldn't keep up a weekly column that was a rip-off of me. Few could do what I did on a weekly basis for so long.
Don't reply, don't plan a brilliant retort, and don't send a new e-mail to my old place of business. Just go away.
I don't want to hear it.
BLAH... anyway, comments are open for all of the above, but not for this last thing right here.
Okay then... I'm out of here. I'm still waiting for an answer to the question aimed at one (NON-JEWISH) person right under this sentence. I would appreciate an answer please. Or at least a proper goodbye and maybe thanks for years of fun and understanding? Thanks.
JEWS! How about 'em
Here's a story that unfolded right here in front of everyone reading but only I caught the full story.
So, while answering all these questions you all asked, I had - on two occasions - mentioned Joshua Grut and his few attempts to get me in a net feud. All of these attempts failed because... the hell should I fight with him? Jesus.
Anyway, I guess Josh felt I was OUT OF LINE... or manipulating the truth to serve my own needs... or just being a dickhead. So the following landed in my comments section:
Anonymous said... I'm so glad to learn we were never feuding as you posted someone calling me a kike online inspiring others to do it. Say, where are your archives? Oh! You deleted them all shortly after that incident. Well, at least we both know it had nothing to do with me. Great column on Benoit. Keep up the good work. Smileys!
Okay... so then came my Friday night little run-off where I was hooting on about strippers and missing fingers, basically all to piss someone off (worked too), but I threw the following in that post:
Don't expect much for the next few days, but when I blog again we'll talk about self-hating jews. (WHOA... someone just screamed "red alert")
And apparently, I wasn't wrong... because the next day, in a comment thread from an earlier post, I get this:
Putnam Ventures said... This is Grut. I got an IM from someone today asking why I was trying to pick a fight with Hyatte. Whoever wrote the above comment was not me. I want as little to do with Hyatte as he does with me.
And so it ends! No harm, no foul. Someone tried to stir the pot and it was caught in time, RIGHT! Aces, now we can move on.
Except I don't buy this line of bullshit for one second.
Here's what REALLY happened: Grut got drunk one night, read this blog, got pissy, posted that anonymous comment, drank some more, counted his money, felt better, went to sleep, woke up, did what he does during the day, came home, went online, went to this blog, read my thing about "self-hating Jews", remembered what he posted, reviewed it, said, "Oy Vey!", and posted the "it wasn't me, leave me alone!" comment, and patted himself on the back for dodging this bullet.
And of course, HE didn't read it, SOMEONE TOLD HIM ABOUT IT.... because, you know, IWC Rule #45: Never admit to reading anything yourself, ALWAYS say you heard about it second-hand.
I should know, I wrote this handbook.
Problem is, where have I made Jew jokes about Grut? How about none in the last 4 years.
And what have I deleted? What columns where I went all Hitler on the kid and called all my readers to go get him and put him on the train? Inside Pulse? I can't delete those, Widro has the keys to that site and changed the locks the moment I went to DOI. If he deleted the columns that's his choice.
What I DO know is that Josh Grut is Jewish, and he'll never let you forget. I also know that one time, a long while ago, he e-mailed me accusing me of perpetrating "hate crimes" because I was doing my usual column stuff and someone, probably some teenage kid, IM'ed him and said, "Hey, Jewish guy!" Or something equally dreadful and suddenly, he's Anne Franke and I'm burning through every attic in New York trying to find him. Oh, and I have an army behind me.
FOUR YEARS AGO THIS HAPPENED!!
Maybe three, actually.
Then there was this e-mail that he sent to my work. Yes, to my WORK, where he cut and pasted every bad thing I've ever said about Jewish people (8 years of columns and he managed a whole page and a half of material) and sent it in saying, "This is who you have on staff!!" The PROBLEM is, he sent it unsigned and under the dopey e-mail address "Sweetrevenge@gmail.com"
It didn't have the desired effect. No one read it except for one person, who had no idea who Chris Hyatte is so she deleted it.
How do I know it's Grut? Because no one else would be so sensitive about anything I say to try such a lame stunt. And no one I know is so sensitive about being Jewish.
It's funny, I can make black jokes and the only time anyone gets angry is when I go too far and drop the n-bomb... and they aren't even really mad, they are more like, "I get the joke, but could you lay off the actual use of the word, bro'"... which I do and everyone's happy.
How many times have I said, "Allah is a homo"? Countless... how many Muslims wrote to me and chewed me a new one? Zero.
But a few Jew jokes aimed NOT at the people but at a hyper-sensitive kid who just got pissed because I dropped him as a friend... oh the humanity.
The Jews have had some bad shit handed to them over the years, I'm pretty sure they aren't fingering me as the leader of the New Reich. And I don't see a person with "stein" or "berg" attached to their last name and start thinking "kike"... it doesn't even cross my mind. I have my own problems to deal with.
So Grut... fuck yourself... not because you're a Jew, but because you're an asshole. Fopr a LOT of reasons that are long in the past and not worth revisiting. You're out of my universe, you're dead to me, and it might be best to not read this thing while you're drunk.
It's not my fault you couldn't keep up a weekly column that was a rip-off of me. Few could do what I did on a weekly basis for so long.
Don't reply, don't plan a brilliant retort, and don't send a new e-mail to my old place of business. Just go away.
I don't want to hear it.
BLAH... anyway, comments are open for all of the above, but not for this last thing right here.
Okay then... I'm out of here. I'm still waiting for an answer to the question aimed at one (NON-JEWISH) person right under this sentence. I would appreciate an answer please. Or at least a proper goodbye and maybe thanks for years of fun and understanding? Thanks.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Confused
Question for 1: Am I supposed to be waiting for something? Or do I get used to things the way they are?
It's my one month anniversary here. And it's been A ROLLERCOASTER OF EMOTION ON BOTH SIDES!!!!
Whoops, still in secret message mode. Lemme slip out.
I checked my mail the other day and received 2759 messages in one shot. That's TWO THOUSAND, SEVEN HUNDRED, AND TWENTY NINE E-MAILS!!!
So after I congratulated myself on being the most beloved web writer ever, I actually looked at what I was getting. Who was part of the army of well wishers!
It was 2759 "returned to send, undeliverable mail" letters.
So I think either my mailbox was invaded by a nasty e-mail worm or the whole "cox" system was corrupted and I got the shit for it.
So I canceled the account. I use a yahoo e-mail anyway. And I ain't telling YOU because I don't need to be on anyone's mailing list.
So my cox is now rendered inert and unable to perform. This shouldn't surprise anyone, including any of my exes who, if they are reading this, they are no doubt saying, "Just catching onto this now, bozo?"
Luckily, I still have my personality!
I'm just wondering if April Hunter had the same problems. She deals with cox too, personally has one, maybe more. She's the only girl I know who has cox. I hope she let's me know how her cox is doing.
I have to run now, but I'm staying in tonight and will do some more stuff either tonight or tomorrow.
It's my one month anniversary here. And it's been A ROLLERCOASTER OF EMOTION ON BOTH SIDES!!!!
Whoops, still in secret message mode. Lemme slip out.
I checked my mail the other day and received 2759 messages in one shot. That's TWO THOUSAND, SEVEN HUNDRED, AND TWENTY NINE E-MAILS!!!
So after I congratulated myself on being the most beloved web writer ever, I actually looked at what I was getting. Who was part of the army of well wishers!
It was 2759 "returned to send, undeliverable mail" letters.
So I think either my mailbox was invaded by a nasty e-mail worm or the whole "cox" system was corrupted and I got the shit for it.
So I canceled the account. I use a yahoo e-mail anyway. And I ain't telling YOU because I don't need to be on anyone's mailing list.
So my cox is now rendered inert and unable to perform. This shouldn't surprise anyone, including any of my exes who, if they are reading this, they are no doubt saying, "Just catching onto this now, bozo?"
Luckily, I still have my personality!
I'm just wondering if April Hunter had the same problems. She deals with cox too, personally has one, maybe more. She's the only girl I know who has cox. I hope she let's me know how her cox is doing.
I have to run now, but I'm staying in tonight and will do some more stuff either tonight or tomorrow.
Monday, September 10, 2007
MTV Awards and Old Men
Britney Spears isn't fat, she's party fat, she's been clubbing too hard and now is covered with a nice layer of babyfat.
It's what happens when you marry the wrong person. Oh, and the whole "spent entire teenager-adult years as a money generating, performing sex-robot" issue.
I am buying the Rhianna disc tomorrow, end of fucking story.
Why don't they just have the awards in Africa and be done with it?
I did like the Concert-in-every-suite concept. Like MTV just booked a whole bunch of clubs situated next to each other.
What I like is imagining the staff of that hotel griping to each other in the staff break room deep in the basement. "Those cocksuckers... we'll be cleaning up their shit all week! At least you know Diddy tips like a mofo."
Dr. Dre looks like me now. THAT'S FUCKIN' A-RIGHT, BITCHES!!
LEMMY????
Remember when Eminem used to be something? I miss him.
Kurt Loder still draws an MTV paycheck? They must keep him around for those interviews with the relics like Springsteen and Neil Young. I bet they're keeping him around for when Ax'l finally shows up with Chinese Democracy.
Because Ax'l will be all like, "Get this Sway faggot out of my face! I'M ONLY TALKING TO KURT!"
MTV hands out award for videos you watch on BET.
It's hard to be turned on by all made-up & sexy Britney Spears when you go to Perez Hilton's site and see her all ratty and puffy and zitty and smoking butts.
The funniest part was Puff Diddy laughing at Kid Rock and Tommy Lee having a fist fight. Heh, it IS funny seeing picturing those two old farts hanging out at a awards show where most of the target audience don't even know who they are anymore fighting over Pam Anderson. At that moment, the awards show turned into "I Love The 90's"
Rock, Lee, and Pam... a deadly love triangle, brawling on MTV. Collective age of all three is 124.
But the scariest has GOT to be John Norris. He started as an MTV news reporter back in the late 80's! He had a thinning hair and pock marks on his face. Time went on and he fought age with every ounce of his being and suddenly grew a full head of hair and now it's blonde and he is also wearing eye shadow.
And he never bothered fixing the gap in his teeth.
He HAD to have come out of the closet already, right? I mean... is he fooling anyone?
I will take a picture of me putting a straw in my toilet and sucking deep and post it online if John Norris's butthole isn't as well paved as the Lincoln tunnel.
And now I get to wait a whole year before wondering what's on MTV again.
If I have more thoughts I'll edit this and post, so keep reading. And if you weren't around all weekend, I invite you to keep scrolling. It's been an action packed three nights.
And coming soon, self-hating Jews!!
It's what happens when you marry the wrong person. Oh, and the whole "spent entire teenager-adult years as a money generating, performing sex-robot" issue.
I am buying the Rhianna disc tomorrow, end of fucking story.
Why don't they just have the awards in Africa and be done with it?
I did like the Concert-in-every-suite concept. Like MTV just booked a whole bunch of clubs situated next to each other.
What I like is imagining the staff of that hotel griping to each other in the staff break room deep in the basement. "Those cocksuckers... we'll be cleaning up their shit all week! At least you know Diddy tips like a mofo."
Dr. Dre looks like me now. THAT'S FUCKIN' A-RIGHT, BITCHES!!
LEMMY????
Remember when Eminem used to be something? I miss him.
Kurt Loder still draws an MTV paycheck? They must keep him around for those interviews with the relics like Springsteen and Neil Young. I bet they're keeping him around for when Ax'l finally shows up with Chinese Democracy.
Because Ax'l will be all like, "Get this Sway faggot out of my face! I'M ONLY TALKING TO KURT!"
MTV hands out award for videos you watch on BET.
It's hard to be turned on by all made-up & sexy Britney Spears when you go to Perez Hilton's site and see her all ratty and puffy and zitty and smoking butts.
The funniest part was Puff Diddy laughing at Kid Rock and Tommy Lee having a fist fight. Heh, it IS funny seeing picturing those two old farts hanging out at a awards show where most of the target audience don't even know who they are anymore fighting over Pam Anderson. At that moment, the awards show turned into "I Love The 90's"
Rock, Lee, and Pam... a deadly love triangle, brawling on MTV. Collective age of all three is 124.
But the scariest has GOT to be John Norris. He started as an MTV news reporter back in the late 80's! He had a thinning hair and pock marks on his face. Time went on and he fought age with every ounce of his being and suddenly grew a full head of hair and now it's blonde and he is also wearing eye shadow.
And he never bothered fixing the gap in his teeth.
He HAD to have come out of the closet already, right? I mean... is he fooling anyone?
I will take a picture of me putting a straw in my toilet and sucking deep and post it online if John Norris's butthole isn't as well paved as the Lincoln tunnel.
And now I get to wait a whole year before wondering what's on MTV again.
If I have more thoughts I'll edit this and post, so keep reading. And if you weren't around all weekend, I invite you to keep scrolling. It's been an action packed three nights.
And coming soon, self-hating Jews!!
Friday, September 7, 2007
rare Friday appearence
Quickly now...
-Who cares about Meatloaf's career anyway.
-I have no goals with this blog.
-fuck Queen, they got enough of my money and time to move along.
I'm drunk but not quite drunk, meaning I feel drunk now but that's cuz I'm cutting loose on the keyboard. Then I'm going out. No cop will look at me crosseyed tonight. Bingo on that.
"Your eyes are amazing." This was said to me sometime earlier today. by a black chick who had no reason to say it other than it WAS FUCKING TRUE!! AND SHE'S FUCKING RIGHT!!
And I can make them twinkle too... TWINKLE, YOU TALL DRINK OF COCKKNOCKERS. Really are my best feature... rest of me looks like the Ugly Taxi went on strike right on top of me and ain't moving 'till they get GPS.
Oh horseshit, eyes, charm, charisma... fuckin' A right. Too bad I'm dying all alone. Ah well.
Strip club tonight, me and people from work. I might get grabby. I feel like a good ol' fashioned throwdown with a bouncer or two. Fuck'em. Ah hell, I'll pussy out. If they really grind in on me I'll tip them an extra $10. If they phone it in I'll say, "Mom?"
Then there is an invite for later on. I might just bring my Elvis CD and fuck around. The goal is to spend "Suspicious Minds" with three fingers missing. No word on whether the ol' 5 Inches of Whiteness will be called up tonight. I'm sure he will but might just be a cameo. Gracias.
This isn't true love, this is killing time... killing time with a fuckin' SMILE!!!!!
True love is a headfuck and there will none of that tonight... or maybe ever. Bond's in worse shape than Nick Hogan's buddy and someone's pricing out Priests for the last rites.
Don't expect much for the next few days, but when I blog again we'll talk about self-hating jews. (WHOA... someone just screamed "red alert")
Drunker than I thought.
my fuckin' eyes are amazing... and this ain't no tree swinger telling me this... this is a beautiful, goddam BEAUTIFUL girl telling me this.
I'll try to make that fourth finger vanish while "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You" plays... just in her honor. Chick's a freak, wouldn't be the first time she participated in that act of sexual congress. God bless 'er.
I realize I am impressing no one with this. Pretty pathetic on a few levels, but'cha know what, it's better than some, worse than others, and no one's getting hurt except maybe me. All is well.
Saturday night will be a comfy six pack and HBO. And probably nothing else cool. Schedules change and I don't like you much no mo' anyways. Ah well. Daddy feels like he always has and fuck it if it's lame cuz at least it's reliably consistent and that's a remarkable feat. No it ain't - IT'S WHO I AM AND WITH AMAZING EYES!!
This is a lot angrier than I was expecting. My bad. And I am in a really good mood too. I'll tip the girls nicely no matter how bored they are. Send some good kharma my way. I really am a sucker. It's okay, I know I'm a sucker but I also know how to headfuck'em right back. I'll fart a lot.
Ahh, strippers are harmless. They're just doing their job, which is to make you feel good. Nothin' wrong with that. Pay 'em right and make them smile legit. Just business.
One romantic douchebag - but the heart is in the right place. Just looking in the wrong direction.
If I make it to "That's Alright Mama" I'm getting the thumb in there.
Cutting loose. Trick out, muchachos y muchachas.
EDITO: 1 a.m. and I ended up not even going out. Plans fell through and I wasn't into doing the strip club without the dessert. Hyatte stays pure hearted for one more evening.
Loyal to absolutely no one, yet oddly the most loyal of them all. And with amazing eyes.
And I still never got all that drunk.
Faith is not a dirty word.
Christ, secret messages all over this fucker. Wonder if they're wasted. I doubt I'll ever know.
-Who cares about Meatloaf's career anyway.
-I have no goals with this blog.
-fuck Queen, they got enough of my money and time to move along.
I'm drunk but not quite drunk, meaning I feel drunk now but that's cuz I'm cutting loose on the keyboard. Then I'm going out. No cop will look at me crosseyed tonight. Bingo on that.
"Your eyes are amazing." This was said to me sometime earlier today. by a black chick who had no reason to say it other than it WAS FUCKING TRUE!! AND SHE'S FUCKING RIGHT!!
And I can make them twinkle too... TWINKLE, YOU TALL DRINK OF COCKKNOCKERS. Really are my best feature... rest of me looks like the Ugly Taxi went on strike right on top of me and ain't moving 'till they get GPS.
Oh horseshit, eyes, charm, charisma... fuckin' A right. Too bad I'm dying all alone. Ah well.
Strip club tonight, me and people from work. I might get grabby. I feel like a good ol' fashioned throwdown with a bouncer or two. Fuck'em. Ah hell, I'll pussy out. If they really grind in on me I'll tip them an extra $10. If they phone it in I'll say, "Mom?"
Then there is an invite for later on. I might just bring my Elvis CD and fuck around. The goal is to spend "Suspicious Minds" with three fingers missing. No word on whether the ol' 5 Inches of Whiteness will be called up tonight. I'm sure he will but might just be a cameo. Gracias.
This isn't true love, this is killing time... killing time with a fuckin' SMILE!!!!!
True love is a headfuck and there will none of that tonight... or maybe ever. Bond's in worse shape than Nick Hogan's buddy and someone's pricing out Priests for the last rites.
Don't expect much for the next few days, but when I blog again we'll talk about self-hating jews. (WHOA... someone just screamed "red alert")
Drunker than I thought.
my fuckin' eyes are amazing... and this ain't no tree swinger telling me this... this is a beautiful, goddam BEAUTIFUL girl telling me this.
I'll try to make that fourth finger vanish while "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You" plays... just in her honor. Chick's a freak, wouldn't be the first time she participated in that act of sexual congress. God bless 'er.
I realize I am impressing no one with this. Pretty pathetic on a few levels, but'cha know what, it's better than some, worse than others, and no one's getting hurt except maybe me. All is well.
Saturday night will be a comfy six pack and HBO. And probably nothing else cool. Schedules change and I don't like you much no mo' anyways. Ah well. Daddy feels like he always has and fuck it if it's lame cuz at least it's reliably consistent and that's a remarkable feat. No it ain't - IT'S WHO I AM AND WITH AMAZING EYES!!
This is a lot angrier than I was expecting. My bad. And I am in a really good mood too. I'll tip the girls nicely no matter how bored they are. Send some good kharma my way. I really am a sucker. It's okay, I know I'm a sucker but I also know how to headfuck'em right back. I'll fart a lot.
Ahh, strippers are harmless. They're just doing their job, which is to make you feel good. Nothin' wrong with that. Pay 'em right and make them smile legit. Just business.
One romantic douchebag - but the heart is in the right place. Just looking in the wrong direction.
If I make it to "That's Alright Mama" I'm getting the thumb in there.
Cutting loose. Trick out, muchachos y muchachas.
EDITO: 1 a.m. and I ended up not even going out. Plans fell through and I wasn't into doing the strip club without the dessert. Hyatte stays pure hearted for one more evening.
Loyal to absolutely no one, yet oddly the most loyal of them all. And with amazing eyes.
And I still never got all that drunk.
Faith is not a dirty word.
Christ, secret messages all over this fucker. Wonder if they're wasted. I doubt I'll ever know.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Juice and the Nature Boy
Man, that's some damn good pussy if you have to go to Northern Ireland to get it.
Oh right, blog time. How are y'all doing? Aces.
Funny thing about steroids is, it didn't hurt anyone but those who take it.
Funny thing about the WWE is that Vince always wanted his talent to take steroids. No, he did. Stop fucking fighting this, it's true. He wanted his talent to be bigger than life, well, life is nature and nature only gives you so much.
End of story.
Chris Benoit didn't go insane because of all the steroids in his body. He went insane because he's an idiot. Most of them are idiots. When you dedicate your life to making your body "bigger than life", you have to eliminate a few small things... like READING AND EDUCATION.
Why sit through biology when you can TRAIN?
Chris Benoit was an idiot because he kept giving himself concussions. Did he get those concussions from his deadly chops? No. From his Crossface Crippler? Nope. From his BUMPS? Ehhh, no.
How about from those top rope diving headbuts? You know, the ones his Doctor told him to stop doing after his neck fusion surgery? DING DING DING.
Why did he keep doing them? Because they got him a pop. Wrestlers will do anything for the pop. Pop = push. Push= money. And who gives the money earned with the push received due to the pops given after those top rope diving headbutts?
Vince McMahon, of course.
Steroids aren't the issue here, they are just the road Congress is going down in order to expose Vince McMahon. Not professional wrestling, Vince McMahon.
Funny thing about Benoit. Yeah, he was looney tunes during that weekend. He killed his wife, kid, then went about preparing his home for vistors. He fed his dogs, let them out to do their business, and burned personal effects of both he and Nancy that he didn't want people seeing. He knew what he was doing, to an extent. He knew what sort of hell he would bring down on the WWE. He knew exactly what he was doing.
All those personal affairs he didn't want anyone seeing, but all he needed was one flush of the toilet to get rid of all the steroids he had at his home. No, those he left behind.
He knew what he was doing.
And they say he didn't leave a suicide note.
******
I can't say ALL wrestlers are dumb. Ric Flair is absolutely briliant. He picks now to quit the company because these kid writers who are paid mostly for those backstage comedy segments, have no idea who he is and refuse to treat him as anything but a saggy old mid-carder who can put over younger stars.
Flair's new wife probably had a hand in convincing him that he's worth more than how they are treating him. Flair was never one to stick up for himself. He probably also saw his grand retirement program, climaxing at next year's Wrestlemania, to end up being terribly less then what he deserves. He's probably end up putting over some kid who is destined to burn out in 3 years anyway.
Good for him. I hope this bluff works out well for him.
Congress will not let this go, guys. This will not go away. Big things are coming.
Let's hit up some questions now. You might notice that I deleted one of the questions. Well, I did it because it was some guy named Tom who posted a link to a fuck site. I thought it was spam and got rid of it.
But I wasn't sure if it was spam, so I traced the link and looked. What I saw made me throw up.
No. It really did. I yacked. Dry heaves at the computer. A Herculean effort to control myself. I little back up in my mouth. A surrender. And I tore ass to the bathroom. And I went off.
Two girls, mostly clothed, doing things with... and with each other... and then they....
I've seen girl on pony, girl on German Shepherd, Boy on pig, and a girl deep throating a shaft so long she throws up on it. None of it made me hurl. This did. Pretty much think of the worst thing two girls could do without animals and there you go.
So I did you all a favor, and myself.
I sent the video to Trish. Little first anniversary present.
ANYWAY...
August 29, 2007 1:07 AM
Boris said... Hyatte, Does it still bug you that you were duped by the Sunny imposter a couple of years ago? Not meaning to rub it in, I'm genuinely curious.
Nahh, I hardly think of it. It didn't last very long and I never said anything to the guy that would come back on me later. Never tried to hit on Sunny or even flirt.
Plus the guy didn't parlay it into anything. He basically begged me to get him a column at 411 as a reward. He ended up at some website and lasted all of a month or something. He has a Live Journal deal where He hasn't posted anything of substance in over a year.
People respected that I came clean and said, "Look, I fucked up." and the worst repercussions was Josh Grut tried to break my balls over it... and failed. He has a habit of failing when it comes to getting me.
And yes, I intentionally dropped a Trish reference right before answering a question about being duped by a fake chick online. I do EVERYTHING for a reason.
Tell you what, I was kind of glad the kid turned out to be a fake. Those "Sunny" contributions took up SO MUCH column space. I was actually relieved.
August 29, 2007 10:19 AM
Anonymous said... Do you really have a parrot? Don't those things live over 100 years? Who are you going to leave it to when it outlives you?
Yes I do. Blue and gold macaw. Looks something like this:
This is a big one so he or she is good to go for about 60 years. I'm not.
My feeling is: if I go he or she can fend for his or herself. Or someone will think to give him or her to a bird kennel or something.
But seriously, the bird rocks.
August 29, 2007 7:30 PM
the guy that asked the economics question said... What's on your ideal mixtape?
I'll tell you what's in my ten disc, in-the-trunk, CD player in my car... how's that?
ORIGINALLY, my line-up went as followed:
1) Black-Eyed Peas: Monkey Business. "NO, NO, NO, NOOOO DON'T FUNK WIT MY HEAAAAART" Lover this disc almost top to bottom.
2) Fergie: The Duchess. Girl set out to tell the world, "Hey, I can sing anything! Just like Gwen Stefanie proved two years ago." Damn shame she's wasting her body on some faggy bad soap actor.
3) Elvis Presley: One of his 5 million "Greatest Hits" cds. I don't care how old or young she is, there isn't a girl I know who wouldn't get into being fucked while Elvis is playing. Just this past weekend I made this girl I know get into Elvis... and she fought me on it for a GOOD long while too. Ended up having a real good time.
4) Johnny Cash: One of his 5 million greatest hits CDs too. No one's getting laid to Johnny Cash, but it's nice music to drink beers to.
5) Johnny Cash: The American Recordings. Sort of an old/newer double shot. I still hate MTV for blowing off the video to "Hurt" and giving the award to Justin Timberlake instead. The man only marshalled THE FORCE OF HIS ENTIRE CAREER into that song AND video... but nooooo, they had to give it to JT. Assholes.
6) The Wreckers: Stand Still, Look Pretty. Michelle Branch flips off pop and does a country record with some blonde chick. I have a thing for female voices.
7) Jay Z & Linkin Park: The Mash-Up. So I can feel street, yo. "If you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad fo you, son. I got 99 problems but the bitch ain't one. HIT ME!!"
Anyway, I have since replaced this line-up with TWO Avril Lavigne discs (her new one and her second one), and Nickleback CD, and two White Stripes (the newest one and the one with "Blue Orchid").
No, it isn't the fucking coolest line-up ever... yes, I am an old white guy. But you know what, IT'S WHAT I LIKE AND I'M THE ONE DOING THE DRIVING!!!
Sheesh.
September 2, 2007 2:03 AM
T.A.C. said... Amy... April... Lindsay... Allison... Kim... Tess... Desi (?)... Gloomie (??).... seems that Ladies STILL Love Cool Hy... heh... whoa. if the bolded lady is who i think she is, kinda explains what "shit happen[ed]"... jumping to conclusions is pretty good exercise though, so at least there's that even if i'm wrong.
No, no, no, no, no, no... not even close.
September 1, 2007 7:47 AM
Anonymous said... At one point you were planning on infiltrating PWTorch. Have you and if so how is it going?
Heh... let's just say I have established a small foothold within the Keller empire. Does this mean I plan on doing anything with it? Undecided.
September 5, 2007 1:21 AM
Anonymous said... Is 94 HJY or whatever it was still the "homo" rock'n'roll?
94 HJY? You mean my local "classic rock and roll" station that plays NEW songs too but not really NEW songs, more like NEW songs from old acts? (Ozzy's "Never Gonna Stop" gets MASSIVE airplay)? The same band that has completely made me HATE those fuckers in Led Zeppelin because they have been overplaying the same 8 Zep songs for well over 30 years now?
Yes. When the DJ's open up on the mic they say, "HOMOROCKANDROLL 94 HJY..."
See, their tag is "The Home of Rock and Roll"... but they have so much to say after the Skynard song and before Pearl Jam's "Better Man" that they have to say it fast.
It's a major problem with radio that I plan on getting into soon. Right after Cold as Ice by FOREIGNER!!
September 3, 2007 1:35 PM
Anonymous said... You've discussed Queen and Van Halen, so...What's your opinion on Meat Loaf? Rock god or crap?
He's another HJY staple. Heavy rotation.
He's the luckiest fat guy in music. He caught a wave, rode it to big money, then, 20 years later made the sequel to that surfboard and managed to catch another wave. Now I hear he is going for the hat trick.
Nostalgia lasts forever, it's when the nostalgia tries to update itself that things get bad. It's why the Rolling Stones sell out arenas but their new music sales bomb.
September 5, 2007 8:35 PM
Anonymous said... When was the last time you did a spit-take?
When I saw that video I talked about somewhere up there.
Oh right, blog time. How are y'all doing? Aces.
Funny thing about steroids is, it didn't hurt anyone but those who take it.
Funny thing about the WWE is that Vince always wanted his talent to take steroids. No, he did. Stop fucking fighting this, it's true. He wanted his talent to be bigger than life, well, life is nature and nature only gives you so much.
End of story.
Chris Benoit didn't go insane because of all the steroids in his body. He went insane because he's an idiot. Most of them are idiots. When you dedicate your life to making your body "bigger than life", you have to eliminate a few small things... like READING AND EDUCATION.
Why sit through biology when you can TRAIN?
Chris Benoit was an idiot because he kept giving himself concussions. Did he get those concussions from his deadly chops? No. From his Crossface Crippler? Nope. From his BUMPS? Ehhh, no.
How about from those top rope diving headbuts? You know, the ones his Doctor told him to stop doing after his neck fusion surgery? DING DING DING.
Why did he keep doing them? Because they got him a pop. Wrestlers will do anything for the pop. Pop = push. Push= money. And who gives the money earned with the push received due to the pops given after those top rope diving headbutts?
Vince McMahon, of course.
Steroids aren't the issue here, they are just the road Congress is going down in order to expose Vince McMahon. Not professional wrestling, Vince McMahon.
Funny thing about Benoit. Yeah, he was looney tunes during that weekend. He killed his wife, kid, then went about preparing his home for vistors. He fed his dogs, let them out to do their business, and burned personal effects of both he and Nancy that he didn't want people seeing. He knew what he was doing, to an extent. He knew what sort of hell he would bring down on the WWE. He knew exactly what he was doing.
All those personal affairs he didn't want anyone seeing, but all he needed was one flush of the toilet to get rid of all the steroids he had at his home. No, those he left behind.
He knew what he was doing.
And they say he didn't leave a suicide note.
******
I can't say ALL wrestlers are dumb. Ric Flair is absolutely briliant. He picks now to quit the company because these kid writers who are paid mostly for those backstage comedy segments, have no idea who he is and refuse to treat him as anything but a saggy old mid-carder who can put over younger stars.
Flair's new wife probably had a hand in convincing him that he's worth more than how they are treating him. Flair was never one to stick up for himself. He probably also saw his grand retirement program, climaxing at next year's Wrestlemania, to end up being terribly less then what he deserves. He's probably end up putting over some kid who is destined to burn out in 3 years anyway.
Good for him. I hope this bluff works out well for him.
Congress will not let this go, guys. This will not go away. Big things are coming.
Let's hit up some questions now. You might notice that I deleted one of the questions. Well, I did it because it was some guy named Tom who posted a link to a fuck site. I thought it was spam and got rid of it.
But I wasn't sure if it was spam, so I traced the link and looked. What I saw made me throw up.
No. It really did. I yacked. Dry heaves at the computer. A Herculean effort to control myself. I little back up in my mouth. A surrender. And I tore ass to the bathroom. And I went off.
Two girls, mostly clothed, doing things with... and with each other... and then they....
I've seen girl on pony, girl on German Shepherd, Boy on pig, and a girl deep throating a shaft so long she throws up on it. None of it made me hurl. This did. Pretty much think of the worst thing two girls could do without animals and there you go.
So I did you all a favor, and myself.
I sent the video to Trish. Little first anniversary present.
ANYWAY...
August 29, 2007 1:07 AM
Boris said... Hyatte, Does it still bug you that you were duped by the Sunny imposter a couple of years ago? Not meaning to rub it in, I'm genuinely curious.
Nahh, I hardly think of it. It didn't last very long and I never said anything to the guy that would come back on me later. Never tried to hit on Sunny or even flirt.
Plus the guy didn't parlay it into anything. He basically begged me to get him a column at 411 as a reward. He ended up at some website and lasted all of a month or something. He has a Live Journal deal where He hasn't posted anything of substance in over a year.
People respected that I came clean and said, "Look, I fucked up." and the worst repercussions was Josh Grut tried to break my balls over it... and failed. He has a habit of failing when it comes to getting me.
And yes, I intentionally dropped a Trish reference right before answering a question about being duped by a fake chick online. I do EVERYTHING for a reason.
Tell you what, I was kind of glad the kid turned out to be a fake. Those "Sunny" contributions took up SO MUCH column space. I was actually relieved.
August 29, 2007 10:19 AM
Anonymous said... Do you really have a parrot? Don't those things live over 100 years? Who are you going to leave it to when it outlives you?
Yes I do. Blue and gold macaw. Looks something like this:
This is a big one so he or she is good to go for about 60 years. I'm not.
My feeling is: if I go he or she can fend for his or herself. Or someone will think to give him or her to a bird kennel or something.
But seriously, the bird rocks.
August 29, 2007 7:30 PM
the guy that asked the economics question said... What's on your ideal mixtape?
I'll tell you what's in my ten disc, in-the-trunk, CD player in my car... how's that?
ORIGINALLY, my line-up went as followed:
1) Black-Eyed Peas: Monkey Business. "NO, NO, NO, NOOOO DON'T FUNK WIT MY HEAAAAART" Lover this disc almost top to bottom.
2) Fergie: The Duchess. Girl set out to tell the world, "Hey, I can sing anything! Just like Gwen Stefanie proved two years ago." Damn shame she's wasting her body on some faggy bad soap actor.
3) Elvis Presley: One of his 5 million "Greatest Hits" cds. I don't care how old or young she is, there isn't a girl I know who wouldn't get into being fucked while Elvis is playing. Just this past weekend I made this girl I know get into Elvis... and she fought me on it for a GOOD long while too. Ended up having a real good time.
4) Johnny Cash: One of his 5 million greatest hits CDs too. No one's getting laid to Johnny Cash, but it's nice music to drink beers to.
5) Johnny Cash: The American Recordings. Sort of an old/newer double shot. I still hate MTV for blowing off the video to "Hurt" and giving the award to Justin Timberlake instead. The man only marshalled THE FORCE OF HIS ENTIRE CAREER into that song AND video... but nooooo, they had to give it to JT. Assholes.
6) The Wreckers: Stand Still, Look Pretty. Michelle Branch flips off pop and does a country record with some blonde chick. I have a thing for female voices.
7) Jay Z & Linkin Park: The Mash-Up. So I can feel street, yo. "If you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad fo you, son. I got 99 problems but the bitch ain't one. HIT ME!!"
Anyway, I have since replaced this line-up with TWO Avril Lavigne discs (her new one and her second one), and Nickleback CD, and two White Stripes (the newest one and the one with "Blue Orchid").
No, it isn't the fucking coolest line-up ever... yes, I am an old white guy. But you know what, IT'S WHAT I LIKE AND I'M THE ONE DOING THE DRIVING!!!
Sheesh.
September 2, 2007 2:03 AM
T.A.C. said... Amy... April... Lindsay... Allison... Kim... Tess... Desi (?)... Gloomie (??).... seems that Ladies STILL Love Cool Hy... heh... whoa. if the bolded lady is who i think she is, kinda explains what "shit happen[ed]"... jumping to conclusions is pretty good exercise though, so at least there's that even if i'm wrong.
No, no, no, no, no, no... not even close.
September 1, 2007 7:47 AM
Anonymous said... At one point you were planning on infiltrating PWTorch. Have you and if so how is it going?
Heh... let's just say I have established a small foothold within the Keller empire. Does this mean I plan on doing anything with it? Undecided.
September 5, 2007 1:21 AM
Anonymous said... Is 94 HJY or whatever it was still the "homo" rock'n'roll?
94 HJY? You mean my local "classic rock and roll" station that plays NEW songs too but not really NEW songs, more like NEW songs from old acts? (Ozzy's "Never Gonna Stop" gets MASSIVE airplay)? The same band that has completely made me HATE those fuckers in Led Zeppelin because they have been overplaying the same 8 Zep songs for well over 30 years now?
Yes. When the DJ's open up on the mic they say, "HOMOROCKANDROLL 94 HJY..."
See, their tag is "The Home of Rock and Roll"... but they have so much to say after the Skynard song and before Pearl Jam's "Better Man" that they have to say it fast.
It's a major problem with radio that I plan on getting into soon. Right after Cold as Ice by FOREIGNER!!
September 3, 2007 1:35 PM
Anonymous said... You've discussed Queen and Van Halen, so...What's your opinion on Meat Loaf? Rock god or crap?
He's another HJY staple. Heavy rotation.
He's the luckiest fat guy in music. He caught a wave, rode it to big money, then, 20 years later made the sequel to that surfboard and managed to catch another wave. Now I hear he is going for the hat trick.
Nostalgia lasts forever, it's when the nostalgia tries to update itself that things get bad. It's why the Rolling Stones sell out arenas but their new music sales bomb.
September 5, 2007 8:35 PM
Anonymous said... When was the last time you did a spit-take?
When I saw that video I talked about somewhere up there.
Monday, September 3, 2007
Prophetic Greeks and other things
These blogs feel like columns.
Someone out there is making me feel like a piece of shit LOSER. If that's the way it's gonna be, fine, just makes you a loser too. I'm TEMPTED to blow up that bridge all to smithereens right here - return the favor by letting loose - but I prefer to just be mellow and let it go. Makes me a better person, certainly much better than you. I guess I'm not good enough anymore. I'm right there with Wynn.
Still not mad. Not really. My soul is at peace, because it knows I didn't do anything to you.
That is nothing for anyone to comment on. I'm not looking or wanting advice. None of you have any I'd listen to anyway.
In a related note which will have a deeper meaning to some:
In my daily dealings in life I had the opportunity to hang with a VERY tight Greek family. Mother, father, son, daughter, various in-laws. Nice people, constantly talking over each other, LOUDLY, but really, REALLY nice. They all live under one, triple decker roof, and for a few minutes, I was actually jealous. It's the whole large family, all together, all loving each other. It's a nice gig if you can get into it.
Anyway, I was talking to the Mother, her name is Sophia, and she started grilling me. It all led to this snatch of conversation:
Sophia: What sign are you?
Me: Aries.
Sophia: Aries??
Me: Yep.
Sophia: Born in...
Me: March.
Sophia: Aries, yes.
(bit of a pause)
Sophia: You need to be with someone born in December.
Me: December? Sagittarius?
Sophia: Yes.
Me: Heh
So I checked and found this:
A Sagittarius can be a great match for an Aries who will sometimes lose interest in a project halfway through. You always finish what your start, and a Ram can learn a lot from your dedication. Likewise, an Aries is never lacking in motivation, and they can get you moving when you need an extra push. Together, you can pave a path of inspiration and creativity. You're both action-oriented, and you'll have a great time traveling, socializing and playing together. The only problem? You're both so independent that you may not be willing to commit to the relationship.
People are just so blindly stubborn they turn stupid.
I watched Superman Returns for the second time tonight. The guy who made it, Bryan Singer, was obviously going for the "classy, elegant storytelling" route. I just wish Supes would've punched someone, just once. All he did was lift things.
Snoozefest.
August 28, 2007 3:18 AM
Eric said... What do you want your legacy to be both as a writer, and as a net personality?
I have no control over that, brother.
"Net personality"... bwhahaha.
My legacy is as followed: Boy, that Hyatte SUCKS. His columns were all about him with his head up his ass. He did those Mop-Up recaps and man, were they long, and SOMETIMES funny, but they were childish. His And Another Things were serious and thoughtful but they weren't any good either. His Midnight Newses were arrogant and gay and weak and no one ever gave him the credibility he so obviopusly wanted. He sucks and I hope he dies for all the time I wasted reading every word he ever wrote.
And he took vacations, lots of weeks off. I hated those weeks off too.
August 28, 2007 10:40 AM
Abe asks... Would you ever go to Thailand or the Philippines? Hell of a world out there,I'm tellin ya. Awesome beaches,gorgeous women and everything's dirt fuckin cheap(except the airfare,but once you get there it's smooth sailing).
No, well, sure but I'd never actively pursue it as a goal or anything.
My opinion is that I live in America, it is the greatest country in the world and absolutely everything I could possibly want to see/experience is right here.
EXCEPT... if I should find myself in Southern California again I will take a day and go to Tijuana. You load up on Cuban cigars and the strip clubs are pretty much whorehouses. They usually line up right next to each other so when you walk by them, you get two seedy guys yelling at you to come inside.
I feel like the prettiest princess at the prom!
Then you go in, take a seat, and ladies walk by and say hello. They all try to sit next to you and you can broom the fugly ones away. Once you let someone sit next to you, seedy guy numero tres immediately swoops in with shots of tequila. You drink. Girlie gets in real close, nuzzles you, and whispers "Fucky sucky? Fucky sucky? Fucky sucky?"
You bet.
Then she leads you to a seedy room. There is showering involved, and next thing you know, you're on top of her pounding away. 50 minutes later (you damn straight, PALLY!!!), you're back on the street, about $50 lighter, and wondering where the burritos are.
Viva la bamba, motherfuckers.
It's been a while since I was down in SoCal... years and years. But it's a nice experience you can recreate with some fun, role playing girlfriend.
August 28, 2007 6:32 AM
Tim said... Do you like gladiator movies?
No, well, the Russell Crowe flick was good.
In that vein, you know which show I used to sorta watch? Queer as Folk. Do you know why? Because those motherfucking producers were so smart, they hired actors who were SO feminine... or at least petite, that... if you're properly drunk enough, they COULD pass as chicks with short hair. Hell of a mind-fuck.
And then there were the sex scenes. Now lookie, I am all 100% man, but there was a certain... umm... car wreck quality to those scenes. These actors, many of them swear they are straight, performed such graphic scenes with other men that I just HAD to watch them just because I couldn't figure out how they got away with that stuff without and penetration.
I don't watch The L Word, though. Full blown lesbians disturb me, possibly because every real life experience I've had with them usually begins and ends with them looking at me funny, like they look me over and say, "Yep, I made the right choice."
August 28, 2007 11:19 AM
Anonymous said... Do you still speak to Trish? How about Gloomie or Amanda?
Not really, no, and no. Trish is married and seems to be spending her online time letting British wrestlers kiss her ass. Good, let someone else take a turn. Gloomie is married and is probably questioning that decision. Amanda is married, I think, and is mastering the dewey decimal system at some library somewhere in Florida.
August 28, 2007 12:49 PM
Anonymous said... Glad to see the blog going, but I can't help but wonder if blogging keeps you from finishing the novel.
Nah, I write the book every day but the blogging is sporadic.
Having a muse helps but my muse likes to play headgames.
Anyway, I feel like an asshole for going off on something that might not ever see the light of printed page (or something), but here's what I'm doing... for anyone interested.
You HAVE to outline the thing first. To me, it's crucial. It keeps you focused on what's coming next. And that's nothing you can do in a sitting, this takes time. Basically, I map out the book, chapter by chapter, which is nice because you can return to it when you find plot holes and stuff.
Now I am writing the thing with pen and paper first. First drafts are supposed to be ugly, and crappy, and unprofessional, and unsatisfying. It's okay to me, I'm scribbling away like a doofus and sometimes I get stuck on a certain scenario (what kills writers is not the big set pieces they are always thinking about, but the stuff in between the set pieces that need detailing) and will just write through it. The quality sucks, I put jokes in there that aren't funny to me, I finish things off with stilted dialogue and awkward writing, but it's okay... BECAUSE I GOT THE DAMN THING DONE AND CAN MOVE ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER.
The second draft goes to the computer, this is where I rewrite everything and actually work on the pacing, tone, and put in the dialogue that I want, that sounds good, that is funny. You also cut loose the stuff you don't need. If anyone has ever written anything long, then you know that if you walk away for a week or so, you come back, start writing, and repeat things that you had already established. That stuff gets cut. Someone once said that the second draft should be the first draft - 25%. Most of that is just needless words and redundant paragraphs.
The third draft is a general overlooking and tightening up and polishing.
Then, once it's all done, I guess I'll send out the first three chapters to every agent I find in the "Writer's Market" yearly book and beg them to take me on as a client and sell the fucker. Because I have no clue about the inner-workings of publishing. All I know is that it's a tough road to wander down. I'm quite aware of this. So, if an agent decides that my shit is sellable, then at least I know that I've got game.
Then... at the end of the day, I'm doing readings, fielding questions, and fucking all sorts of female hooch. And all of you can kiss my ass. Well, not YOU... you're reading this and are all cool in my book... just most of you... including YOU, and YOU. YOU TOO, BITCH!!
August 28, 2007 10:15 PM
Charles A said... I know we've talked about Queen before and if I've asked this question more than once you can kick me in the family, but what is your opinion of Queen with Paul Rogers?
Paul Rogers can suck my dick in hell.
Going from Freddie Mercury, who could sing EVERYTHING, to a raspy ass, husky, ancient relic from the 70's, who's last gasp for profitability was when he suckered Jimmy Page into becoming a band called "The Firm" in the 80's is like trading Tom Brady for the third string quarterback out of the CFL. How much blow did Brian May snort through in order to lose enough money to hop on this trainwreck?
DAVID COVERDALE IS NO ROBERT PLANT AND PAUL ROGERS IS NO FREDDIE MERCURY AND GARY CHERONE WAS NEITHER SAMMY HAGAR OR DAVID LEE ROTH!!
Incidentally, you have to be of a certain age to properly understand the impact of David Lee Roth back with the Van Halen boys. This is almost as big as if Lennon and Harris came back from the graves and said, "Fuck this dead bollocks, let's get Ringo and Paul and make a billion."
And what I also and loving is that Roth is surrounded by nothing but Van Halen boys. It's like, "Brother, I'm broke, my radio show flopped, I'm all but forgotten, my voice is shot, and I'm surrounded by people who can barely stand me. I'll be spending the rest of the year tip-toing on eggshells."
I like Eddie because he holds grudges that last for fifteen years. Once you're on Eddie's bad side, you are DONE, KID.
Okay... enough.
This is Labor Day weekend, which means Jerry Lewis is back doing the telethon thing. In honor of that, I'll repeat something I've done in my various columns at least twice:
Here is my rendition of Jerry Lewis doing a cover of Bob Dylan's "Blowing in the Wind": Ahem...
The answer my frieeeeend is blowin' in the wiiiiind.... the answer is blowin' in the WIIIIIIIIIII HEEEEY PRETTY LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADYYYYYYYYY!!!!! OOOOOOOH DEEEEEEEEEEAN!!
Okay... I'll show up again in a day or two and I'll talk about wrestling and why we aren't getting any new music anymore.
Jesus H, this IS just like my columns.
Someone out there is making me feel like a piece of shit LOSER. If that's the way it's gonna be, fine, just makes you a loser too. I'm TEMPTED to blow up that bridge all to smithereens right here - return the favor by letting loose - but I prefer to just be mellow and let it go. Makes me a better person, certainly much better than you. I guess I'm not good enough anymore. I'm right there with Wynn.
Still not mad. Not really. My soul is at peace, because it knows I didn't do anything to you.
That is nothing for anyone to comment on. I'm not looking or wanting advice. None of you have any I'd listen to anyway.
In a related note which will have a deeper meaning to some:
In my daily dealings in life I had the opportunity to hang with a VERY tight Greek family. Mother, father, son, daughter, various in-laws. Nice people, constantly talking over each other, LOUDLY, but really, REALLY nice. They all live under one, triple decker roof, and for a few minutes, I was actually jealous. It's the whole large family, all together, all loving each other. It's a nice gig if you can get into it.
Anyway, I was talking to the Mother, her name is Sophia, and she started grilling me. It all led to this snatch of conversation:
Sophia: What sign are you?
Me: Aries.
Sophia: Aries??
Me: Yep.
Sophia: Born in...
Me: March.
Sophia: Aries, yes.
(bit of a pause)
Sophia: You need to be with someone born in December.
Me: December? Sagittarius?
Sophia: Yes.
Me: Heh
So I checked and found this:
A Sagittarius can be a great match for an Aries who will sometimes lose interest in a project halfway through. You always finish what your start, and a Ram can learn a lot from your dedication. Likewise, an Aries is never lacking in motivation, and they can get you moving when you need an extra push. Together, you can pave a path of inspiration and creativity. You're both action-oriented, and you'll have a great time traveling, socializing and playing together. The only problem? You're both so independent that you may not be willing to commit to the relationship.
People are just so blindly stubborn they turn stupid.
I watched Superman Returns for the second time tonight. The guy who made it, Bryan Singer, was obviously going for the "classy, elegant storytelling" route. I just wish Supes would've punched someone, just once. All he did was lift things.
Snoozefest.
August 28, 2007 3:18 AM
Eric said... What do you want your legacy to be both as a writer, and as a net personality?
I have no control over that, brother.
"Net personality"... bwhahaha.
My legacy is as followed: Boy, that Hyatte SUCKS. His columns were all about him with his head up his ass. He did those Mop-Up recaps and man, were they long, and SOMETIMES funny, but they were childish. His And Another Things were serious and thoughtful but they weren't any good either. His Midnight Newses were arrogant and gay and weak and no one ever gave him the credibility he so obviopusly wanted. He sucks and I hope he dies for all the time I wasted reading every word he ever wrote.
And he took vacations, lots of weeks off. I hated those weeks off too.
August 28, 2007 10:40 AM
Abe asks... Would you ever go to Thailand or the Philippines? Hell of a world out there,I'm tellin ya. Awesome beaches,gorgeous women and everything's dirt fuckin cheap(except the airfare,but once you get there it's smooth sailing).
No, well, sure but I'd never actively pursue it as a goal or anything.
My opinion is that I live in America, it is the greatest country in the world and absolutely everything I could possibly want to see/experience is right here.
EXCEPT... if I should find myself in Southern California again I will take a day and go to Tijuana. You load up on Cuban cigars and the strip clubs are pretty much whorehouses. They usually line up right next to each other so when you walk by them, you get two seedy guys yelling at you to come inside.
I feel like the prettiest princess at the prom!
Then you go in, take a seat, and ladies walk by and say hello. They all try to sit next to you and you can broom the fugly ones away. Once you let someone sit next to you, seedy guy numero tres immediately swoops in with shots of tequila. You drink. Girlie gets in real close, nuzzles you, and whispers "Fucky sucky? Fucky sucky? Fucky sucky?"
You bet.
Then she leads you to a seedy room. There is showering involved, and next thing you know, you're on top of her pounding away. 50 minutes later (you damn straight, PALLY!!!), you're back on the street, about $50 lighter, and wondering where the burritos are.
Viva la bamba, motherfuckers.
It's been a while since I was down in SoCal... years and years. But it's a nice experience you can recreate with some fun, role playing girlfriend.
August 28, 2007 6:32 AM
Tim said... Do you like gladiator movies?
No, well, the Russell Crowe flick was good.
In that vein, you know which show I used to sorta watch? Queer as Folk. Do you know why? Because those motherfucking producers were so smart, they hired actors who were SO feminine... or at least petite, that... if you're properly drunk enough, they COULD pass as chicks with short hair. Hell of a mind-fuck.
And then there were the sex scenes. Now lookie, I am all 100% man, but there was a certain... umm... car wreck quality to those scenes. These actors, many of them swear they are straight, performed such graphic scenes with other men that I just HAD to watch them just because I couldn't figure out how they got away with that stuff without and penetration.
I don't watch The L Word, though. Full blown lesbians disturb me, possibly because every real life experience I've had with them usually begins and ends with them looking at me funny, like they look me over and say, "Yep, I made the right choice."
August 28, 2007 11:19 AM
Anonymous said... Do you still speak to Trish? How about Gloomie or Amanda?
Not really, no, and no. Trish is married and seems to be spending her online time letting British wrestlers kiss her ass. Good, let someone else take a turn. Gloomie is married and is probably questioning that decision. Amanda is married, I think, and is mastering the dewey decimal system at some library somewhere in Florida.
August 28, 2007 12:49 PM
Anonymous said... Glad to see the blog going, but I can't help but wonder if blogging keeps you from finishing the novel.
Nah, I write the book every day but the blogging is sporadic.
Having a muse helps but my muse likes to play headgames.
Anyway, I feel like an asshole for going off on something that might not ever see the light of printed page (or something), but here's what I'm doing... for anyone interested.
You HAVE to outline the thing first. To me, it's crucial. It keeps you focused on what's coming next. And that's nothing you can do in a sitting, this takes time. Basically, I map out the book, chapter by chapter, which is nice because you can return to it when you find plot holes and stuff.
Now I am writing the thing with pen and paper first. First drafts are supposed to be ugly, and crappy, and unprofessional, and unsatisfying. It's okay to me, I'm scribbling away like a doofus and sometimes I get stuck on a certain scenario (what kills writers is not the big set pieces they are always thinking about, but the stuff in between the set pieces that need detailing) and will just write through it. The quality sucks, I put jokes in there that aren't funny to me, I finish things off with stilted dialogue and awkward writing, but it's okay... BECAUSE I GOT THE DAMN THING DONE AND CAN MOVE ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER.
The second draft goes to the computer, this is where I rewrite everything and actually work on the pacing, tone, and put in the dialogue that I want, that sounds good, that is funny. You also cut loose the stuff you don't need. If anyone has ever written anything long, then you know that if you walk away for a week or so, you come back, start writing, and repeat things that you had already established. That stuff gets cut. Someone once said that the second draft should be the first draft - 25%. Most of that is just needless words and redundant paragraphs.
The third draft is a general overlooking and tightening up and polishing.
Then, once it's all done, I guess I'll send out the first three chapters to every agent I find in the "Writer's Market" yearly book and beg them to take me on as a client and sell the fucker. Because I have no clue about the inner-workings of publishing. All I know is that it's a tough road to wander down. I'm quite aware of this. So, if an agent decides that my shit is sellable, then at least I know that I've got game.
Then... at the end of the day, I'm doing readings, fielding questions, and fucking all sorts of female hooch. And all of you can kiss my ass. Well, not YOU... you're reading this and are all cool in my book... just most of you... including YOU, and YOU. YOU TOO, BITCH!!
August 28, 2007 10:15 PM
Charles A said... I know we've talked about Queen before and if I've asked this question more than once you can kick me in the family, but what is your opinion of Queen with Paul Rogers?
Paul Rogers can suck my dick in hell.
Going from Freddie Mercury, who could sing EVERYTHING, to a raspy ass, husky, ancient relic from the 70's, who's last gasp for profitability was when he suckered Jimmy Page into becoming a band called "The Firm" in the 80's is like trading Tom Brady for the third string quarterback out of the CFL. How much blow did Brian May snort through in order to lose enough money to hop on this trainwreck?
DAVID COVERDALE IS NO ROBERT PLANT AND PAUL ROGERS IS NO FREDDIE MERCURY AND GARY CHERONE WAS NEITHER SAMMY HAGAR OR DAVID LEE ROTH!!
Incidentally, you have to be of a certain age to properly understand the impact of David Lee Roth back with the Van Halen boys. This is almost as big as if Lennon and Harris came back from the graves and said, "Fuck this dead bollocks, let's get Ringo and Paul and make a billion."
And what I also and loving is that Roth is surrounded by nothing but Van Halen boys. It's like, "Brother, I'm broke, my radio show flopped, I'm all but forgotten, my voice is shot, and I'm surrounded by people who can barely stand me. I'll be spending the rest of the year tip-toing on eggshells."
I like Eddie because he holds grudges that last for fifteen years. Once you're on Eddie's bad side, you are DONE, KID.
Okay... enough.
This is Labor Day weekend, which means Jerry Lewis is back doing the telethon thing. In honor of that, I'll repeat something I've done in my various columns at least twice:
Here is my rendition of Jerry Lewis doing a cover of Bob Dylan's "Blowing in the Wind": Ahem...
The answer my frieeeeend is blowin' in the wiiiiind.... the answer is blowin' in the WIIIIIIIIIII HEEEEY PRETTY LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADYYYYYYYYY!!!!! OOOOOOOH DEEEEEEEEEEAN!!
Okay... I'll show up again in a day or two and I'll talk about wrestling and why we aren't getting any new music anymore.
Jesus H, this IS just like my columns.
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