These blogs feel like columns.
Someone out there is making me feel like a piece of shit LOSER. If that's the way it's gonna be, fine, just makes you a loser too. I'm TEMPTED to blow up that bridge all to smithereens right here - return the favor by letting loose - but I prefer to just be mellow and let it go. Makes me a better person, certainly much better than you. I guess I'm not good enough anymore. I'm right there with Wynn.
Still not mad. Not really. My soul is at peace, because it knows I didn't do anything to you.
That is nothing for anyone to comment on. I'm not looking or wanting advice. None of you have any I'd listen to anyway.
In a related note which will have a deeper meaning to some:
In my daily dealings in life I had the opportunity to hang with a VERY tight Greek family. Mother, father, son, daughter, various in-laws. Nice people, constantly talking over each other, LOUDLY, but really, REALLY nice. They all live under one, triple decker roof, and for a few minutes, I was actually jealous. It's the whole large family, all together, all loving each other. It's a nice gig if you can get into it.
Anyway, I was talking to the Mother, her name is Sophia, and she started grilling me. It all led to this snatch of conversation:
Sophia: What sign are you?
Me: Aries.
Sophia: Aries??
Me: Yep.
Sophia: Born in...
Me: March.
Sophia: Aries, yes.
(bit of a pause)
Sophia: You need to be with someone born in December.
Me: December? Sagittarius?
Sophia: Yes.
Me: Heh
So I checked and found this:
A Sagittarius can be a great match for an Aries who will sometimes lose interest in a project halfway through. You always finish what your start, and a Ram can learn a lot from your dedication. Likewise, an Aries is never lacking in motivation, and they can get you moving when you need an extra push. Together, you can pave a path of inspiration and creativity. You're both action-oriented, and you'll have a great time traveling, socializing and playing together. The only problem? You're both so independent that you may not be willing to commit to the relationship.
People are just so blindly stubborn they turn stupid.
I watched Superman Returns for the second time tonight. The guy who made it, Bryan Singer, was obviously going for the "classy, elegant storytelling" route. I just wish Supes would've punched someone, just once. All he did was lift things.
Snoozefest.
August 28, 2007 3:18 AM
Eric said... What do you want your legacy to be both as a writer, and as a net personality?
I have no control over that, brother.
"Net personality"... bwhahaha.
My legacy is as followed: Boy, that Hyatte SUCKS. His columns were all about him with his head up his ass. He did those Mop-Up recaps and man, were they long, and SOMETIMES funny, but they were childish. His And Another Things were serious and thoughtful but they weren't any good either. His Midnight Newses were arrogant and gay and weak and no one ever gave him the credibility he so obviopusly wanted. He sucks and I hope he dies for all the time I wasted reading every word he ever wrote.
And he took vacations, lots of weeks off. I hated those weeks off too.
August 28, 2007 10:40 AM
Abe asks... Would you ever go to Thailand or the Philippines? Hell of a world out there,I'm tellin ya. Awesome beaches,gorgeous women and everything's dirt fuckin cheap(except the airfare,but once you get there it's smooth sailing).
No, well, sure but I'd never actively pursue it as a goal or anything.
My opinion is that I live in America, it is the greatest country in the world and absolutely everything I could possibly want to see/experience is right here.
EXCEPT... if I should find myself in Southern California again I will take a day and go to Tijuana. You load up on Cuban cigars and the strip clubs are pretty much whorehouses. They usually line up right next to each other so when you walk by them, you get two seedy guys yelling at you to come inside.
I feel like the prettiest princess at the prom!
Then you go in, take a seat, and ladies walk by and say hello. They all try to sit next to you and you can broom the fugly ones away. Once you let someone sit next to you, seedy guy numero tres immediately swoops in with shots of tequila. You drink. Girlie gets in real close, nuzzles you, and whispers "Fucky sucky? Fucky sucky? Fucky sucky?"
You bet.
Then she leads you to a seedy room. There is showering involved, and next thing you know, you're on top of her pounding away. 50 minutes later (you damn straight, PALLY!!!), you're back on the street, about $50 lighter, and wondering where the burritos are.
Viva la bamba, motherfuckers.
It's been a while since I was down in SoCal... years and years. But it's a nice experience you can recreate with some fun, role playing girlfriend.
August 28, 2007 6:32 AM
Tim said... Do you like gladiator movies?
No, well, the Russell Crowe flick was good.
In that vein, you know which show I used to sorta watch? Queer as Folk. Do you know why? Because those motherfucking producers were so smart, they hired actors who were SO feminine... or at least petite, that... if you're properly drunk enough, they COULD pass as chicks with short hair. Hell of a mind-fuck.
And then there were the sex scenes. Now lookie, I am all 100% man, but there was a certain... umm... car wreck quality to those scenes. These actors, many of them swear they are straight, performed such graphic scenes with other men that I just HAD to watch them just because I couldn't figure out how they got away with that stuff without and penetration.
I don't watch The L Word, though. Full blown lesbians disturb me, possibly because every real life experience I've had with them usually begins and ends with them looking at me funny, like they look me over and say, "Yep, I made the right choice."
August 28, 2007 11:19 AM
Anonymous said... Do you still speak to Trish? How about Gloomie or Amanda?
Not really, no, and no. Trish is married and seems to be spending her online time letting British wrestlers kiss her ass. Good, let someone else take a turn. Gloomie is married and is probably questioning that decision. Amanda is married, I think, and is mastering the dewey decimal system at some library somewhere in Florida.
August 28, 2007 12:49 PM
Anonymous said... Glad to see the blog going, but I can't help but wonder if blogging keeps you from finishing the novel.
Nah, I write the book every day but the blogging is sporadic.
Having a muse helps but my muse likes to play headgames.
Anyway, I feel like an asshole for going off on something that might not ever see the light of printed page (or something), but here's what I'm doing... for anyone interested.
You HAVE to outline the thing first. To me, it's crucial. It keeps you focused on what's coming next. And that's nothing you can do in a sitting, this takes time. Basically, I map out the book, chapter by chapter, which is nice because you can return to it when you find plot holes and stuff.
Now I am writing the thing with pen and paper first. First drafts are supposed to be ugly, and crappy, and unprofessional, and unsatisfying. It's okay to me, I'm scribbling away like a doofus and sometimes I get stuck on a certain scenario (what kills writers is not the big set pieces they are always thinking about, but the stuff in between the set pieces that need detailing) and will just write through it. The quality sucks, I put jokes in there that aren't funny to me, I finish things off with stilted dialogue and awkward writing, but it's okay... BECAUSE I GOT THE DAMN THING DONE AND CAN MOVE ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER.
The second draft goes to the computer, this is where I rewrite everything and actually work on the pacing, tone, and put in the dialogue that I want, that sounds good, that is funny. You also cut loose the stuff you don't need. If anyone has ever written anything long, then you know that if you walk away for a week or so, you come back, start writing, and repeat things that you had already established. That stuff gets cut. Someone once said that the second draft should be the first draft - 25%. Most of that is just needless words and redundant paragraphs.
The third draft is a general overlooking and tightening up and polishing.
Then, once it's all done, I guess I'll send out the first three chapters to every agent I find in the "Writer's Market" yearly book and beg them to take me on as a client and sell the fucker. Because I have no clue about the inner-workings of publishing. All I know is that it's a tough road to wander down. I'm quite aware of this. So, if an agent decides that my shit is sellable, then at least I know that I've got game.
Then... at the end of the day, I'm doing readings, fielding questions, and fucking all sorts of female hooch. And all of you can kiss my ass. Well, not YOU... you're reading this and are all cool in my book... just most of you... including YOU, and YOU. YOU TOO, BITCH!!
August 28, 2007 10:15 PM
Charles A said... I know we've talked about Queen before and if I've asked this question more than once you can kick me in the family, but what is your opinion of Queen with Paul Rogers?
Paul Rogers can suck my dick in hell.
Going from Freddie Mercury, who could sing EVERYTHING, to a raspy ass, husky, ancient relic from the 70's, who's last gasp for profitability was when he suckered Jimmy Page into becoming a band called "The Firm" in the 80's is like trading Tom Brady for the third string quarterback out of the CFL. How much blow did Brian May snort through in order to lose enough money to hop on this trainwreck?
DAVID COVERDALE IS NO ROBERT PLANT AND PAUL ROGERS IS NO FREDDIE MERCURY AND GARY CHERONE WAS NEITHER SAMMY HAGAR OR DAVID LEE ROTH!!
Incidentally, you have to be of a certain age to properly understand the impact of David Lee Roth back with the Van Halen boys. This is almost as big as if Lennon and Harris came back from the graves and said, "Fuck this dead bollocks, let's get Ringo and Paul and make a billion."
And what I also and loving is that Roth is surrounded by nothing but Van Halen boys. It's like, "Brother, I'm broke, my radio show flopped, I'm all but forgotten, my voice is shot, and I'm surrounded by people who can barely stand me. I'll be spending the rest of the year tip-toing on eggshells."
I like Eddie because he holds grudges that last for fifteen years. Once you're on Eddie's bad side, you are DONE, KID.
Okay... enough.
This is Labor Day weekend, which means Jerry Lewis is back doing the telethon thing. In honor of that, I'll repeat something I've done in my various columns at least twice:
Here is my rendition of Jerry Lewis doing a cover of Bob Dylan's "Blowing in the Wind": Ahem...
The answer my frieeeeend is blowin' in the wiiiiind.... the answer is blowin' in the WIIIIIIIIIII HEEEEY PRETTY LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADYYYYYYYYY!!!!! OOOOOOOH DEEEEEEEEEEAN!!
Okay... I'll show up again in a day or two and I'll talk about wrestling and why we aren't getting any new music anymore.
Jesus H, this IS just like my columns.
