So if you read the comments sections (and you better, they are an integral part of this extravaganza), you know that someone ratted me out about having a Facebook page.
And so help me... if "Hyatte" shows up on MySpace or Facebook... you KNOW that's a poser. You all know where I stand on that sort of bullcrap.
Except... umm.... heh....
well.... the thing of it is.... I DID create a Facebook account for about a week. Then I deleted it after feeling my asshole loosen up every time I logged on. The funny thing is who invited me to be facebook friends...
Scooter Keith!! Yea!
Me: Sometime in March
I guess I forgot to delete it.
Now before anyone else starts looking, it's pretty much a blank page. My name - the real one and the net one - is nowhere to be found. I don't even use "Chris". I don't know why I still have it, but there you go. I'll probably delete it away as its pretty much useless now.
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Current music: The all Rolling Stones channel on AOL Radio
Current beverage: MGD
Current mood: Jacks, baby.
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Incidentally, I do scream "ACES, BABY!!!" in real life and it ALWAYS gets a good reaction. The phenom is catching on. Girls like it too.
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Worst thing Barack Obama can do is put Hillary in as his running mate. The culturally open-minded (ie: New England, the Northwest, California, New York) are his for the taking, but it's the south and the Mid-West (you know, the red states)going to need a LOT of convincing to elect a brother into the office for the first time. They ain't going to do it if he's got a woman as his back-up.
And so far, no one is talking about oil prices and how people can't afford to drive to work. McCain can't say anything because big oil floated him the money to continue running (remember when he was broke and laying off his staff left and right?) That's the campaign to run on... give us oil we can afford!
Yeah, yeah, I know its more complicated than that. But Presidents are elected on simple ideals spoken through pure charisma. Bill Clinton could still be President today if they eliminated the two terms and you're out rule... people loved him. Al Gore walked and talked as if whoever was pulling his strings was dead drunk that day. George Bush suckered us in by being a personable good ol' Texas boy. "I'm easy to get along with." He once said during a debate with Gore. "I'll hear what you got to say."
Bush was never our problem. Dick Cheney, however, is the most evil motherfucker alive. You know, traditionally, the Vice President makes a run for the White House once his ticket's 8 years wraps up. Cheney doesn't have the nerve to try. He doesn't want to give us the opportunity to tell him what we feel about him.
I'd make a joke about wishing something horrible on him, but the Secret Service doesn't take jokes like that too well. So let's just say I hope he dies of natural causes, surrounded by family and friends, but I hope he embarrasses himself by unloading a gigantic load in his diapers 10 minutes before he passes and he HAS TO SPEND THE LAST TEN MINUTES OF HIS LIFE LYING IN HIS OWN CHUNKY DIARRHEA!!!
An evil man
And yes, electing McCain IS basically going for Bush: Part III. Except McCain will make his own decisions. However, those decisions WILL veer hard toward the right.
Ahhh, just vote for the brother and lets see what he can do.
By the way, have you SEEN the way people take to him during his speeches? The dude is a rock star.
Is America ready for a Commander-In-Chief with purple, liver lips? Tim Russert WILL find out.
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My parrot dances. This has been tested. When party music WITH A GOOD BEAT is playing, he bobs his head up and down. He stops when I turn the channel to non-music fare. Then I turn it back and he's dancing again. Up and down. It's amazing. I love this bird. Plus you can hit him pretty hard and he doesn't get hurt. And he will patiently wait for me to finish masterbating before coming over to play.
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Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was... well... its as I thought, the worst movie of the bunch but no critic will admit this.
I mean really, who wants to piss all over Harrison Ford? He's a likeable guy, a guy who makes the sort of movies we like to cheer him on in. And we grew up watching Indy get caught up in all sorts of delightful adventures. Plus, he and Spielberg collaborated on some of the finest action sequences the moies have ever given us.
But this last movie... they did it for the money. It was 100% greed.
And Spielberg, who is probably the only man alive who can tell George Lucas "No", didn't. You can see Lucas's influence all over this flick. That dopey, convoluted ending.
And Karen Allen... what the JESUS??? In the first movie she had bite, snap, great lines. She had BALLS! This time around, it was like the wrote a generic part for any female, and it was just by chance that this actress was in the first film. They gave her, NO lines to work with, NO scenes to let her stand out. One of the most important roles in the movie, one that tied this one with the first one... and they gave her nothing to do.
And we found out why Karen Allen hasn't had any work in the last twenty years. She hasn't been the same since she played that teacher who blew up in the rocket ship in that TV movie.
And no one came to this movie to see Shia Lepoof... well, okay, maybe some teenage girls... well okay... maybe a lot of them... and maybe that explains why he got to do most of the CHEAP special effect work in the centerpiece action sequence while the old man Indy hung back in the car chugging geritol. Okay... fine.
And the SETS! I swear I thought I saw the door to the Paramount backlot just beyond the trees in a few of those jungle sets.
The whole film was made on the cheapo so the star, the director, and the producer could squeeze a few more million dollar bills out of this dead franchise one last time.
At least Ray Winstone was in it... he was the BEST part of The Departed (and there was a LOT of good things about that movie.)
"Then make more money! This is America! If you don't make money, then you're a douchebag!"
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I lost my Blackberry, its long gone, baby gone. So if you're calling me and I ain't answering, that's why. It's not me being a dick. I lost my phone. My poor father must be freaking out. He probably thinks I cut him off again. "HE TURNED HIS PHONE OFF AGAIN????"
I'm also sort of amused by the idea that whoever found the phone and looked through it is wondering why some guy in Boston has the number of the dude from the Red Hot Chili Peppers on his speed dial. Hyuck.
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Currently, I am explaining to Ham Slow just how beneficial my long, strong, piano playing fingers can be. I also told her I recieved rave reviews for being a bobcat in the sack. She responded well.
I know it's not the suavest move in the books, but its all I got. I have to use what I got. She loves the whole "Aces" phenom too. And I don't think she has ANYONE on her MySpace buddy list that she likes more then me... so that's a plus too.
AND she gets pissy when I ignore her too... which I have, for days. That's the plus side to assuming you'll be alone for your whole life, you never have to blink first.
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BACK WHEN I WAS FUNNY...
From the Inside Pulse era: Early Summer '05
THE BANDIT VS THE WIDOWMAKER
Flea and I had a discussion over this… and I thought it would be fun to bring it to YOU, John Q Hungry for Entertainment:
You all know who Burt Reynolds is, right? Top Box Office Movie star of the 70’s… still appears in a smattering of films today, both low-budget and big time. He’s the Bandit from Smoky & The Bandit.
You all know who Barry Windham is, right? Top Wrestling star of the 80’s… still appears on the Indy scene today. He’s the Widowmaker from late 80’s, early 90’s WWF.
Well, HOW are these two folks similiar? Other than both live primarily in Florida?
Well, as usual, a WOMAN is involved…
There is actually a pro wrestling connection in a roundabout way in the news story about Burt Reynolds and former girlfriend Pamela Seals settling both of their lawsuits against each other after the break-up. Before hooking up with Reynolds, Seals was the girlfriend of Barry Windham.
I forgot where this was pulled from… but there you go…
So if you were a chick… or if you are… who would YOU rather be seen with? Who did Seals have the better time with?
WHO WON THE TALE OF THE TAPE???
-BURT REYNOLDS: made The Longest Yard and Smokey & The Bandit and Deliverance
BARRY WINDHAM: was a Horseman
WINNER: REYNOLDS
-BURT REYNOLDS: f*cked Sally Field when she was young.
BARRY WINDHAM: f*cked Babydoll
WINNER: REYNOLDS
-BURT REYNOLDS: Beat up Judy Carne
BARRY WINDHAM: Beat up Indy promoters who stiffed him
WINNER: WINDHAM
-BURT REYNOLDS: Gave all his money to Loni Anderson
BARRY WINDHAM: Spent all his money on cocaine and Jack Daniels
WINNER: WINDHAM
-BURT REYNOLDS: Dodged AIDS rumors
BARRY WINDHAM: Dodged GAY rumors
WINNER: WINDHAM
-BURT REYNOLDS: Was Sharkey
BARRY WINDHAM: Was The Stalker
WINNER: REYNOLDS
-BURT REYNOLDS: 4 people paid to see Sharkey’s Machine
BARRY WINDHAM: 100′000 people paid to see him on the Great American Bash tour in the
80’s
WINNER: WINDHAM
-BURT REYNOLDS: Has a facelift so tight he shouldn’t be allowed outdoors
BARRY WINDHAM: Has Blackjack Mulligan’s face
WINNER: TIE
-BURT REYNOLDS: Tag teamed bitches with Terry Bradshaw
BARRY WINDHAM: Tag teamed the Iron Shiek and Nikolai Volkoff with Mike Rotunda
WINNER: REYNOLDS
-BURT REYNOLDS: appeared damn near naked in Playgirl
BARRY WINDHAM: appeared damn near naked in Pro Wrestling Illustrated
WINNER: REYNOLDS
-BURT REYNOLDS: Carried Dom Deluise
BARRY WINDHAM: Carried Lex Luger
WINNER: WINDHAM
-BURT REYNOLDS: Sold for Dom Deluise
BARRY WINDHAM: Sold for Ric Flair
WINNER: WINDHAM
-BURT REYNOLDS: Played Boss Hogg
BARRY WINDHAM: Eats like Boss Hogg
WINNER: REYNOLDS
-BURT REYNOLDS: Has a condo next to Vince McMahon
BARRY WINDHAM: Mows Vince McMahon’s condo’s lawn
WINNER: REYNOLDS
-BURT REYNOLDS: Was once better looking than Jon Voight
BARRY WINDHAM: Is ALWAYS better looking than Jon Voight
WINNER: WINDHAM
-BARRY WINDHAM: Gets shirtless and lets men touch him from behind
BURT REYNOLDS: Sits back and lets Ned Beatty deal with that fag nonsense
WINNER: REYNOLDS
-BURT REYNOLDS: Got drunk and announced at Wrestlemania
BARRY WINDHAM: Got drunk and WRESTLED at Wrestlemania
WINNER: WINDHAM
-BURT REYNOLDS: Was on Johnny Carson
BARRY WINDHAM: Watched Burt on Johnny Carson
WINNER: REYNOLDS
-BARRY WINDHAM: Has the Iron Claw
BURT REYNOLDS: The only Iron Claw he knows is the one Loni had on his bank account
WINNER: WINDHAM
-BURT REYNOLDS: Made movies with high pay-offs
BARRY WINDHAM: The highest pay-off he ever had was when Dusty stuck him with the
buffet check
WINNER: REYNOLDS
-BURT REYNOLDS: Starred in The Longest Yard
BARRY WINDHAM: Mows McMahon’s lawn… and it’s the longest fuckin' yard in town!
WINNER: REYNOLDS
-BURT REYNOLDS: Starred in Deliverence
BARRY WINDHAM: Only “Deliverence” he knows is when he delivered David Crockett his coffee
WINNER: REYNOLDS
-BURT REYNOLDS: Hung with Willie Nelson
BARRY WINDHAM: Hung with the Midnight Rider
WINNER: REYNOLDS
-BARRY WINDHAM: Finisher is the Superplex
BURT REYNOLDS: Finisher is “Pay Alimony”
WINNER: WINDHAM
-BURT REYNOLDS: Has a hideous toupee that makes him look like an alien
BARRY WINDHAM: Sometimes wears a hideous mustache that makes him look like Blackjack
Mulligan
WINNER: WINDHAM
-BURT REYNOLDS: Rode Clydesdale horses
BARRY WINDHAM: Once let some asshole named Ron Bass ride him like a pony
WINNER: REYNOLDS
And the final score is… REYNOLDS: 14…. WINDHAM: 10.
And there you have it… it’s better to date Burt Reynolds!
Back in a couple of days with comments answered and basketball talk.
