Currently listening to: AIM Radio: XM the 60's. Now black music of the 80's. Ahh Young M.C., you know how to bust a move on the BLAHS...
Then I made my final move to the rockabilly channel. And so it stays. I now feel like a steak at Bugaboo Creek.
Current Inbox status: dry and cold.
Current mood: Queens, baby
What a busy, active comment section I have. I mean, even when you eliminate all of my posts, it still packed up nicely.
And what started it was the question about me being me, or some fake blogging as "Hyatte" because the REAL one isn't around. I guess.
Or maybe I ain't just as funny as I used to be. Well, true. I'm actually still hilarious, but I'm not putting it online all the time. This isn't a column, this isn't a blog either. I'm neither crafting up some brilliant comedy essays nor am I about to ramble on about my day to day life activities.
So what is this? Why am I doing it? No clue. Ego plays a part but ego plays a part in EVBERYONE'S life. If ten people drop by here every day to see what I have to say, and if I WANT a small forum to go on about whatever I want... where's the harm?
Oh... and there is one other small point. I do this blog because I have a distinct writing style and a distinct voice. I also have a BRILLIANT sense of humor, AMAZING observation skills, and the ability to combine ALL these attributes. You know what, I've blown through most of my life doing absolutely nothing... I want to keep this skill honed, regardless of where it will take me, if anywhere.
Now here's the joke. I don't believe that ANYONE here REALLY thinks I'm not legit. What happened is one poster decided to throw in "This isn't the real Hyatte" just to see what would happen and... as luck would have it, it snowballed into an honest to goodness debate. A STUPID debate where no one provided any evidence either for or against. I don't think anyone reading truly thinks I'm a poser. They just wanted a reaction. Which is cool.
So let's play. Here's the game: we all agree that I am Chris Hyatte, and I have written all the Mop-Ups, All the And Another Things, Every single Midnight Newses, ALL of the Guides to Life, and... no, that's it.
But you can keep trying to egg me on by calling me a poser and have some fun.
Just understand that I'm not buying it. Not at all.
And assholes... ASSHOLES... YEAH, YOU! Look around, surf message boards, google my name. Yahoo my name... NO ONE IS MISSING ME!! THERE ISN'T A GREAT DEMAND FOR MY RETURN!! WHY WOULD SOMEONE CREATE A FAKE HYATTE BLOG WHEN NO ONE CARES???
Really, look at the line-up of comment makers here. The same names. This is NOT a huge grassroots organization here. I've got... 100-150 readers, tops. There is nothing to gain for me to impersonate the real Hyatte.
And, you dumb fucks, unless the real Hyatte dropped dead... I'm SURE that if I was a fake, the REAL guy still has internet access and is still needy enough to google his name... and he would see this blog and would do something about it. Christ Almighty.
You want proof? Fine... I'll address some of you with personal comments only the real Hyatte would know...
Widro: You know I'm me. I've spoke about wayyyy too much behind the scenes stuff.
Flea: I know you have no doubt either.
Eric S: If that really was you commenting, rememember how I first heard of you? The SHOOTERS. I was Rasputin. You were only a few years too early when it came to declaring that I was burnt out. At least you didn't call me one of the "Pod People". How how about that New York Pizza? Ahh, no spoons necessary.
Sean the MiC: You post anonymously, if at all. How's your new job going? No more security work. Remember when you got to watch Jasmin St. Clair play with some beads? You would'a tapped that but you didn't want AIDS.
FBinDallas: Would this be Frank Baldwin? Didn't you use to post of CRZ's board as... some name with "Paper" involved? And you once introduced yourself to Trish Stratus as me a few years ago. You said she said, "You're cuter then your picture."
B: You post anonymously but sign it "B". Byron Turk? Who wrote to me every week after a clumn for the last couple of years. I never seemed to write back but your name did show up on the top of the column once or twice.
Jesse Baker: AIM screen name JesseAD. You always had just one quick question for me which turned into an honest-to-god chat. That is, of course, when I didn't reject your invite to chat. No offense.
Graydaloomer: I believe you work in publishing, right?
Charles A: You've been writing to me for so long you even wrote to my old yahoo e-mail that I had to move to a long time ago.
That's all the connections I can make right now. HAPPY NOW???
And so help me... if "Hyatte" shows up on MySpace or Facebook... you KNOW that's a poser. You all know where I stand on that sort of bullcrap.
Except... umm.... heh....
well.... the thing of it is.... I DID create a Facebook account for about a week. Then I deleted it after feeling my asshole loosen up every time I logged on. The funny thing is who invited me to be facebook friends...
Scooter Keith!! Yea!
Strange dude. Now, you want a blog that's consistent with the writer... go to his. He hasn't changed his game EVER.
At least the Undertaker saw time go by and dramatically altered his style and his body to go with the times.
So there you go... you all went with the "he's a fake" idea to get a reaction. I gave one... but it's all wink wink because... because DUDE... no one's going to put up a fake Hyatte blog because it would be such a LONELY gag. No payoff at all.
I'm not missed, folks... just by you guys. That's it.
Oh... that's horsehit... EVERYONE misses me... they just don't talk about it. They do. Hell, I miss me... there's just no place for my style anymore.
Don't forget... EVERYONE read me... just, no one liked to admit it.
Wanna do some comments? Sure, why not. I still have a bunch from DECEMBER that are nearly soured up. Let's catch up. And let's start with a bunch of people complaining about my lack of updates... from three months ago! HYATTE BRINGS THE ENTERTAINMENT!!!
1) December 16, 2007 11:37 PM Anonymous said... Hyatte, You've gone quiet. Are you spent?
Yup. But all the talk about a fake Hyatte and this leads me to some morbid thinking,
Do you realize that if I dropped dead in real life... just had the ol' heart explode or get hit by a Russian space station from the sky, and be run over by a recycle pick-up truck... something sudden... no one would know about it? I would just vanish, never to be heard from again...
And every friend I have online would just figure I quit talking to them and move on. Trish Stratus would NOT appear at my funeral. Too busy.
Flea might check into things, seeing how he knows more about me then anyone, but it would take a year or so before he realizes that I was being more then just my typical asshole self.
Just a depressing thought that hits me every so often.
2) December 18, 2007 8:12 AM Anonymous said... Probably taking a nap, or being emo again ;-)
I'm too old to be "emo"... that's a full generation behind me. And yes, I see the irony of this statement after the whole "I'll be dead and no one will CARE" whinefest above. Heh. HA.
I do like my naps tho'.
3) December 21, 2007 12:30 PM Bret Hart said... Still no update aye? Merry Boxing Day anyways scum!
Boxing Day, where Canada celebrates the wonders of boxes. They're good for packing things, eh.
This is the real Bret Hart, by the way, eh.
4) December 21, 2007 4:20 PM Anonymous said... JT says...Wow Hyatte, you are quiet. Oh well, here's hoping you get all you Christmas wishes and that your 08 is the best year of your life! Thanks
Well JT, I asked for nothing for Christmas and got exactly that and I am FINE with it. Christmas isn't my holiday. And '08 will be the same as any other year... good parts and bad parts. Get real, smiley.
As it stands, as history shows, yars that end with a 1, a 3, a 4, and a 7 usually end up SUCKING for me. Years that end with a 6 and a 9 usually rock. All the other numbers are neutral. So 2008 is up in the air. This May has some nice prospects possible but I'm not counting those chickens until the eggs are laid.
5) December 6, 2007 6:20 PM ... Anonymous said... Just thought you'd like too see this.... "This is one of the rare times when you will see feedback in the Small-For-All. I'm not a fan of placing feedback in news reports since they are nothing more than space-fillers. I never read feedback in anyone else's news reports and used to hate it when the old 411 Guard (Hyatte and Eric S) would litter their news reports with so much bullshit filler that I just stopped reading them." This was from Jeff Small at 411. Thought it might raise some of the old Hyatte in ya!
And if that wasn't enough...
6) January 14, 2008 10:47 PM Chris said... Hi Chris: I was over at 411 last week (I have no idea why). Jeff Small is doing a list of the IWC's top 50 writers for 2007. You had a couple of columns over at DOI in 2007. So, I sent him a little reminder to consider you for the list. I guess someone over there doesn't like you. They won't post my comments/suggestions. I thought you might get a laugh about it. Chris
And then there is...
7) December 18, 2007 11:37 PM Raxa said... From Ask 411 - "I haven't seen or heard anything about Mike Knox lately, which seems kind of peculiar. I would speculate that he failed a Wellness test, but they're supposedly making those things public these days and I'd hate to be accused of libel." Mein gott!
First of all, Jeff Small missed a golden opportunity by not naming his column, "Small Minded Opinions"... but that would show an ability to goof on oneself that NO ONE but me ever seemed to have.
Second of all, when I left 411... cancel that, when WIDRO left 411 and I followed and over half of the staff came with us, those at 411 who stayed decided to blame ME for it all... and HATED me for it. I can understand, it was MY column that made the announcement.
But the level of hostility... man, pure hatred for little ol' me!? What I ever do except make that silly site popular enough so they could branch out and do more.
But the problem with 411mania... which is why I do not CARE about Jeff Small, or Steven Randle, or that phony fake-ass liar Larry Csonka... or Ask 411 is that they are CUT AND PASTE SITES... they provide NOTHING of interest for me to read. No opinions are worth my time, no formats are appealing to the eye. I don't visit 411 and I don't miss it. I'm not about to trash people I don't read... and those who trash me are more then welcome to it.
I mean, the fact that they still talkk about the "old guard" from FOUR YEARS AGO means that I left a bigger mark then Jeff fucking Smalls could ever hope.
And Ashish is a bona-fide nitwit... and I never did find out where he was during the 9/11 attacks.
7) December 27, 2007 10:35 PM Raxa said... Hyatte, Did you get Ham Slow for Xmas?
No. Ham Slow is a pill. Ham Slow is a bit too full of herself for me. Still, I know how to fuck with her. I know how to push buttons. Any hot girl who thinks they have me wrapped... I know how to drive them NUTS.
One thing about Ham Slow... she likes to keep it in the tribe. Her Facebook account is loaded with names like Mohammed and Ahmed and Znagufrie Lewis. not a white boy in sight. I felt like I was looking at the roll call sheet for downtown Detroit's weekend lock-up.
Ham Slow's also lucky I know the line between work and play. Or I would push her buttons a lot harder... but then again, all she is, really, is a girl who doesn't want to date me. It's not exactly evil... just a choice. I'm too mature to do anything but laugh it off.
Okay then... here's what I'm gonna do.
In a few days, I'm going to talk about the following:
-morning radio
-taking a book into the bookstore bathroom and getting caught
-The Shield, Rescue Me, Nip/Tuck, and the rest of the FX lineup
-HBO's tv shows
-A whole bunch of comments answered
-and an old segment I used to do in the columns from time to time.
For right now tho', Daddy's going to bed. AND THERE HAD BETTER BE EMAIL RESPONSES IN THE CAN WHEN I WAKE UP!!
Goodnight, kids.
