Here on the first anniversary of the swearing in of our first black President, America - the impatient group of whiners that we are - are looking at our watches and asking: "So... where's the comeback? Where's the recovery? Where's the razzle dazzle?? WHEN WILL YOU SAVE US OBAMA??"
The good people of Massachusetts got tired of waiting and decided to send a message to the President. The elected a REPUBLICAN to Ted Kennedy's vacant Senate seat. This is huge.
No, really. This is major. Massachusetts was ground zero for Camelot. John, Ted, Bobby, Jackie... all of the Kennedys, they were royalty here. They couldn't snag a free martini down in Nebraska or Tennessee or, really, most of the other 50 states, but in Mass, they were celebrities, heroes, Gods.
They even lined up Ted's suitable replacement. A nice lady named Martha Coakley... LOOOOONG time friend of the Kennedy's, practically a Kennedy herself...
(except for that small, little moment when that drunk, closeted goofball Patrick Kennedy went stumping for his Uncle's dear, close, personal friend and repeatedly called her "Marcia" during a speech. Tool.)
And Marcia got her ass kicked by Scott Brown, a down to earth, pickup driving, former male model conservative who not only won in Boston and the 'burbs, but he even took a few of the poorer parts of Mass. Places like West Roxbury and Brockton and... God help you if you get a flat tire here... Jamaica Plains.
Yeah, you know, the parts that seem... I dunno... darker than the rest.
Sit your parents down and tell them the bad news. Camelot is dead. Dead, dead, DEAD.
Good. Never cared for the Kennedys... every new generation seems more entitled and spoiled than the previous. At least JFK TRIED to be down to earth.
So I asked a friend of mine, a Republican friend, why the bluest of the blue states Mass finally put in a Right winger in a seat that's still warm with the farts of the most celebrated Democrat Senator of our time and he replied, "Buyer's remorse". They sent a message to the President... the honeymoon is over.
And they're not too crazy about this new medical plan he's trying to jam in on us either.
I'm not the most politically savvy jerkoff walking around but I know a few things.
I know that our President did adopt a gigantic, multi-front mess from the previous administration and it's going to take hellalong to even begin to recover from it.
I know the media has never been more divided in coverage of our President's coverage.
I know three Kennedys, and only three had an honest, earnest desire to help people... and one of them let a woman drown and the other two might have had a hand in killing Marylin Monroe. Ahh, youth.
I know that the media, split as they may be, has let the people be better able to see through political bullshit and elect people more on who they are and less on how glitzy their campaign is (Obama made us believe, Hilary did not). This is why Linda McMahon pretty much blew 30 million on a senatorial bid that she will not get. I really sense that people beyond us can see right through her. (yeah, plus it helps that she really has no active charm)
and I know that here in Rhode Island, Buddy Cianci has been making noise about opposing Patrick Kennedy for Congress... anf that's a fight that will be a complete BLAST to watch.
oh, and another strange thing about Massachusette are the number of towns that end with "ham". We have Raynham, Dedham, Stoneham, Wareham, Framingham, Waltham... some asshole way back when had MAD love for the pig.
Comment time!!
1) January 11, 2010 8:10 AM... Anonymous said... Same old bitching and blaming everyone else for your not making money off your wit. Oh, it's all Widro's fault. It's all everyone else because THEY don't know proper marketing. It's the READERS too because we're a bunch of marks.
Yeah, and you make a lot of threats too. "I could beat you up!" Maybe. Maybe not. Either way it'd be worth it to slap you once. Just once. Because you fucking deserve it for sitting here whining and moaning and blaming everyone else when Mr. 5X Smarter Than Everyone Else couldn't come up with his OWN marketing plan and implement it to make money off his own SHINING, EMASCULATING, SCINTILLATING, EARTH-SHATTERING WIT!!!!!!
You wanted to make money? We probably would have given it to you, even if we do keep reading, over and over, how Mr. Big Shot is so much more financially secure than we are with his great job and his smug happiness in life is enough to keep him in the penthouse suite of his ivory tower for YEEEEARRRS to come. You probably think I'm saying that I'm such a mark, I still would have paid. Yeah, you could say that. I mean, all this time after no updates and I'M still here. Not after this, though. I think you're too much of a douchebag and it's overshadowing everything else you type. But I thought you were a good writer. I would have paid. Donations, anything.
Who's the real chickenshit? You're the one who blames everybody else, and still does nothing. FOR TEN YEARS. You talk about maturing and baggage and age. Yeah, so when are you going to take responsibility for yourself?
Twit.
You realize you just threatened to slap a guy on the internet, right? For things he writes, right?
Okay then.
I'm not "whining" about anything. I was explaining why I don't do columns anymore and don't plan on it. I was also pointing out the purpose of this blog and why you get what you get, when you get it.
And I was FURTHERMORE explaining the only thing that would make me bring back the Mop-Up or And Another Thing, or even the Midnight News for a website.
By the way, no one has come to me and said, "Hey, write for us, we'll try to work out a pay plan." Which is why I started the column admitting that I was a ghost, a relic. I freely admit this.
It amazes me sometimes just how enraged I make some of you. Is it any wonder I think I'm 5X smarter than most of you.
Sign your threats next time, pussy.
2) January 11, 2010 8:19 AM... fbintx said...Welcome back. How's about them Pats?
INJURIES!! I say hire T.O, he'll be hell to control but MAN, imagine him and Moss on either side of Brady, with Welker sniffing around somewhere in between. God couldn't put more fear in a defense coach's eyes.
The not-so-elite season isn't nearly as bad as Belichik's near loss of locker room control. This will be the year where Randy Moss showed signs of his bad side. Where players mouthed off to the press, where Belichick couldn't keep a lid on all the pissed off players and their egos.
I know for a fact that HBO's seasonal reality program, "Hard Knocks", begs Belichek every year to film the Patriots training season and every year, Belichek tells them to piss off. He doesn't like ANYTHING in that locker room to get out. The bad season and early exit from the playoffs is one thing... him not being able to control every second of Patriot's media, even for a week, is something else.
Still, we are much better off then the Cowboys. By FAR.
Fuck it, I'm rooting for Brett Favre.
3) January 12, 2010 8:20 AM... Bradley Tremas said... Chris wrote: "Some pussy talks aboutg me whining and openly wishes to slap me around and still doesn't have the balls to sign his name. We've had this talk before. I don't bother with cowards."
So where are your balls, "Chris Hyatte"?
Well, let's see...
Always had an email address to be reached at when I did do columns.
Posted my address in those columns at least twice.
Posted my phone number several times in those columns, and on instant messenger (got a stalker for my troubles too)
Sent Gloomchen a fake picture of me to see what would happen, she showed it everywhere.
Years and years ago, someone on an old message board found out where I worked and actually posted my traffic history, which had my current address. I invited them to come over. I promised that if they showed up I would fist them in my backyard. I would too. They never showed.
I laid my balls out plenty of times. Let's not compare me to any given chickenshit here who only mouths off when I allow anonymous posting, because when I eliminate the option, oh then people tend to clamp right up good and proper.
Thank you.
So... I figured out a way to post several times a week, I think. Shorter bursts, controlled entries, Less more often rather than more less often. Let's try it.
Meanwhile, here's a picture of Fergie's ass.
If I was just 10 IQ points dumber I think I'd stalk this chick. 34 years old and has that thing... and she has meat on her bones. She doesn't starve herself to hit the emaciated, anorexic look that most chicks in their 30's with esteem issues go for. Oh sure, she uses about 6 pounds of makeup on her face, but her body is just on FIRE. Her husband likes the strippers, but must still makes her feel appreciated enough to not starve herself.
This is Fergie Ferg and Imma, Imma be here to stay... The 21st century until infinity
Jesus.
