A funny thing happened on my way to this blog...I didn't want to do it anymore.
This lasted right up until now.... and even now I'm not sure anymore.
It's a month shy of three years last time I did a wrestling column, and I sit here knowing full well that I'm a ghost. I'm a relic from the past. Hyatte is dead, more or less, and I'm not looking to bring him back. I mean, I COULD. I could do a Mop-Up and, with proper marketing (something Widro CLEARLY never knew how to do) it could be HUGE. The only rated R wrestling recap online? Monstrous. It would fill a hole here.
But it's not happening. Ever. Not for free, and no one would pay me. This I know.
Thus, I'm a ghost. And every so often, some imbecile leaves a comment here dropping the bomb that I'm irrelevant. No fucking SHIT!!
So there's this blog, which I don't need to do, and sometimes don't WANT to do... and I think we all can agree that I'm not a blogger type of person. So why am I still doing it? I don't know.
I used to do it for one person. She knows who she is. Well, she is fast losing her value to me. Pulled a stunt on me that shows just where I am with her. Bad timing, sister, Really bad.
I also used to do it to keep all of you amused. It was a nice little community we have here. But how much can I talk about the past? Ugh.
I considered deleting this, but I've learned in my old age that there is value in keeping documentation of past work at hand and accessible. Amazingly, Ashish never dunked out my old Midnight News columns. I can't imagine people still blaze through those archives enough to warrent maintence I think Widro has my Inside Pulse columns still archived... just who the fuck can find them? And who goes to Inside Pulse? 25% of my 50 DOI columns are gone because someone hacked into the site and Sean never kept back-ups... but those remaining columns he just keeps there because they are part of the decor now. Just an old background painting that is such a part of the wall that no one even thinks of taking down.
So I won't delete, but I'm really not sure what is left to add. I know what you want from me. I don't have it to give anymore. You whine about me not posting anymore, there ain't nothing to post.
In fact, if any of you really, and I mean REALLY... not as a way to press my buttons or invoke a response... but REALLY think that I owe you something because you click on this blog once a week or so... clue up... I DON'T OWE YOU SHIT!!
In fact, by my calculations, you all collectively owe me about $300'000 grand for ten years of novella length columns. But I don't blame you, I blame fucking Ashish, Widro, Al Issacs, Erik Ashley, and Sean McCaafuckinwhateverhisname is for never having a clue how to make money off their sites. Perez Hilton got fat and rich and COMPED EVERYWHERE after only a few years. Me, I got to write for marks. Yeesh.
(I won't charge you for the blog)
But... see... I'm being Hyatte the Bitter Ghost again. Ho Hum.
(Now here's the part where I get metaphorical, just deal.)
And yet, I owe a lot to Hyatte. He peeks out in the real world a lot more now that I've stopped writing so often. My wit is top notch. I'm lightening quick on my feet with comebacks and one liners. I'm fucking at my funniest these days. I'm getting a higher grade of women, making more money, and generally a lot more successful. Oh shit, I'm no player by any stretch and never will be, and good luck trying to crack through my fucking armor to see the piece of shit underneath... but Hyatte has been showing himself more and more in the real world lo' these last few years... and he's got the other guy, the calmer, more mellow, quieter guy, to temper his worst impulses.
And I fucking like that.
And I'm seeing that I need a place to let him out and stretch his legs a bit. I had a weekly forum for ten years in various columns, but I blew so much of him out in those cyberpages in one shot that he wore himself out nicely for the rest of the week. I sent him to run a marathon once a week and when it was over, he slept for days while all the rage he vented (and brothers and sisters, Daddy had a LOT of rage inside him) refilled for the next marathon. But with age comes tolerance and the ability to drop baggage (at least with guys. Girls seem to collect more and more luggage as time goes on). I got sick of sending him out on marathons and the scenery (wrestling) never changes, It's why I retired.
But he's still in here, and he still wants to run, and he's been running in real life a bit but on a leash. Well, this blog is to let him off the leash from time to time. No set schedule, no guaranteed time, and only when I feel like it.
And listen to me very carefully, fuckheads. There ain't nothing you can say to me. No buttons of mine you can possibly push, to get me to change my mind on anything. You ain't got shit. Never did. Not a one of you.
We straight? Got the picture? Good. So, since I'm pretty sure you didn't wait almost two months for a lecture on my demons, I'll give you this...
THINGS OVERHEARD BACKSTAGE AT TNA IMPACT LAST WEEK
-"Boy Jeff, McMahon's is going to fuck over your brother for this!"
-"Ain't you dead yet?"
-"Ric's face looks like hell but his nose hasn't aged a day!"
-"Wanna have a laugh? Tell Hardy to cops are here and watch him run like a faggot!!"
-"Hall just drank my rubbing alcohol!"
-"Waltman hasn't aged a day! He's still looks like its September 4, 1978"
-"Orlando just asked me who he needs to blow to get a spot on this roster. I told him Steiner has all the stroke! This oughta be GOOD!"
-"AJ, you gotta put over Brother Brutii when I get him in, brotha."
-"HA! Nash and Hogan just did the fingerpoke title change for Dixie and Hulk blew out his hipbone again!!
-"DDP is into Yoga now. What kind of moron gets into yoga??"
-"Hey!! Who invited Steven Seagal?? Oh wait, its just Scott Hall."
-"Is Hall allergic to beestings? Did he shove his face in a fucking HIVE??"
-"Joe, you gotta lose those man titties, brotha! You'll never get over being such a fat ass."
-"Hulk, your son is offering me a ride home. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO, I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT!!"
-"Hey, the Nasty Boys! MCMAHON'S SHITTING IN HIS PANTS NOW!!"
-"How inbred do you have to be to be named 'Dixie'?"
-"Got any drugs?"
-"I... I... am I crazy or does Brook have a peni bulge?"
And of course....
THINGS OVERHEARD BACKSTAGE AT RAW LAST WEEK
-"Alright, which one of you hosers pushed Owen??"
-"Come on Bret, call me a hyena just once."
-"Why doesn't he move his left arm?"
-"When was the last time he changed his hair grease? 1998??"
-"I'm getting 25 gees for every time I say 'WWE Universe" without grimacing."
-"Tough to get the figure back after dropping a coupla brats, ain't it Steph? HEH!"
-"You know your old when Punk laughs at the bags around your eyes!"
Ain't got much there... but I do have this...
THINGS OVERHEAD AT HEAVEN WHEN UMANGA ARRIVED!!
-"UMANNNNGAAAAAAAAAHHHHFINALLY, I passed that fucking gallstone, thanks Jesus."
-"Can I take this fucking makeup off now?"
-"No I'm NOT Whoopie Goldberg!!"
-"If this is heaven, then why are my tits still bigger than all the girls?"
-"So people who do yoga burn in hell no matter WHAT? Actually, I'm not surprised."
-"Wait? So I get high on GOD now? Fuck that, where's the blow??"
-"I seem to be the only island brother here. Not complaining, just sayin'"
-"Enough with this cloud shit, where's the buffett line at?"
-"WHATTAYA MEAN I'M BOOKED TO PUT OVER MIKE VON ERICH??"
-"Waaait a sec, I seem to still be fat! I thought for sure once I died I'd be able to see my penis again."
-"I gotta watch my whole life before getting in? Even those times I let Patterson suck me in the steam roo... AWW FUCK HIT THE FAST FORWARD BUTTON!!!"
-"Jeff Hardy did WHAT?"
-"Benoit's kid really is a brat. I just gave him the Oriental Spike."
-"I hope I don't ruin Linda McMahon's bid for Senate."
-"Can I PLEASE... for the love of JESUS... get a pair of SHOES now??"
And so it goes...
I will turn comments back on now (didn't want to read weeks of bitching). I imagine a slow roll at first as folks slowly slip back over and see something new. Ask away.
We'll see how it goes.
