What's up, people.
John Cena doesn't have a John Cena thought in his head. Any and ALL interviews he gives, any word he says, is just Vince's words coming out of his mouth. He's baiting Dwayne Johnson because Vince wants to goad the Rock into returning. Or Vince is pissed at the Rock for turning his back on wrestling when a full-fledged A-List Movie career dropped in his lap.
Nevermind that Vince was the one who let Johnson's last contract expire without so much as a phonecall or an e-mail.
Vince is also pissed... PISSED, that the Rock lost "The Rock" and is now 100% Dwayne Johnson. Now Vince doesn't get to see "Executive Producer: Vince McMahon" sprout up on any of Johnson's movies anymore. THAT'S the ONLY reason why John Cena, who will never trancend anything outside of the ring and will always be monitoring his career on how many weeks Raw breaks above 3.5 in the ratings, is yapping about Johnson "not giving back." Because Vince McMahon is annoyed that Johnson was able to get out of his company's shadow.
Oh, and because Dwayne Johnson turned down "The Marine" and probably "12 Rounds".
Oh, and Cena is on juice. Come on, people. Of course he is. Maintaining that sort of body is a full-time job. We're talking about two-a-day gym visits 6 days a week in order to maintain that sort of body, and that's with outstanding genes. Cena doesn't have that sort of time to be a fulltime bodybuilder, he's always moving around too much and doing shit.
But, when you are the top guy in the company with the least stringent drug-testing policies, you get to say stuff like "People caught doing steroids should go to jail." and feel pretty safe that you won't get caught with your foot in yo mout'
Cena's the biggest puppet in the world... but he does like to drink lots of beer in one sitting. I like that. The boy likes his beer.
So anyway...
What happened was I was in a pissy mood.
I was piddling around online where I found these Jericho/Kelly Kelly pics over at the Torch VIP board. I figured they would be fairly fresh and provide plenty of stuff to talk about.
Now, had you drew opinions on the PICTURES, we'd all be cool, but you little douchebags decided to shoot the messenger. ME!?!
March 9, 2009 6:59 AM Anonymous said... Hey Dingus! 2008 called! It wants its inoffensive photos back!
March 9, 2009 11:22 AM RinseAid said... Woooo yeah. Look, they smiling and drinking! With PEOPLE! IT'S PROOF!! PROOF, I TELLS YA!! THEY'RE AT IT LIKE RABBITS! Sorry Hy-8, dig your shit usually but that is pretty lame.
March 9, 2009 4:36 AM...GoodFella said... Seems to me you don't want advice from Hyatte. Pretty obvious, he doesn't have ANY female friends, close or otherwise, if he thinks these pics of Jericho/Kelly are anything more than pals messin' around. We've all done it, doesn't mean we're fucking the lady in question. Especially as these shots are posed - they knew they were being taken and where they could end up, so no secret affair there. Seriously Chris. Lay off the porn and get out in the world. You might ENJOY it.
And then... THEN... the comments returned to this Jeff Smalls dude. A LOT of them. Well, sure, he spoke about me and someone wanted to share... but still.
Anyway, more on Smalls in a moment. Yes, enjoy it.
And Goodfella, fuck you, and your advice. You haven't a fucking clue what I've done and where I've been and how much I've had.
And you want to talk about "posed shots?" Okay, genius. If you can stop fucking supermodels for two seconds while curing cancer... try to follow along about what those POSED PICTURES said...
Jericho = married man with children. Apparently devoted p[ages and pages to how lucky he is to have found his wife. Made it a point to announce that he retired for two years specifically to watch his kids grow up.
Kelly Kelly = Hired out of a catalog by John Larenitus when she was 18. Hired and on TV by 19. Gaining a rep already as a locker room toy. Known to "date" CM Punk, Batista, and Test all within 2 years. Is young, dumb, impressionable, has lots of money, and a pretty secure spot in the lineup. Knows how hot she is.
Those pictures = Now pay attention, stupid. In every picture where they were close, where was Jericho's hand? On her back. Up high. With a drink in his hand. One picture? Fine. Two? Ehh? Three? THREE?? With his hand still on her back?
A 40+ year old man in a nightclub with a 20 year old known hot, single, fresh party girl, all happy and buzzed and a bit sweaty with his hand on her back in EVERY PHOTO... and said phots posted on one of Kelly Kelly's FRIENDS' MySpace page... in the "member's only" section.
And I'm reading too much into it? Yeah, okay.
So tell you what, cocksucker. While I sit at home and watch some free porn and thank Christ my cock isn't loaded with warts from past misdeeds and also thank him that my liver isn't on the verge of explosion and is still the same one I was born with... you go find one of those ten million hot babes you have on your speed dial and run this story and these pictures by them. See what they say.
Anyway, then the picture of them KISSING came up... and I, of course, went off because thast's what I do to you assholes when I'm proven right. And almost no one, except for one dude just looking to argue with me, could.
Still think I'm reading too much into this? Maybe. But the evidence does seem to lie in my favor.
And who said they were cousins? Brian Alverez? A 40+ year old from Canada is cousins with a 20 year old model from Florida and NO ONE mentioned this in the 3 years they've been with the same company until now? And do YOU guys kiss your cousins on the lips? In a nightclub? With drinks?
Jericho is clearly one of Meltzer's sources and ol Brian, who is as big a stooge as you'll ever find, is just trying to cover for a friend. That's it, that's all, and Alverez is a lying sack of shit who seems to have devoted his life being a wannabe Meltzer and a wannabe wrestler... and is pretty bad at both...
And that dude Vinny, his radio co-host, looks about 12 years old.
So that's the story of the pictures. And this isn't the first time I heard something about Y2J being seen with someone other than his wife. Someone told me about a cop in New York who asked Jericho for a picture right on the street. Jericho said no problem, just so long as they keep the girl he was with out of camera shot.
Moving on...
An unqualified disaster... this whole idea I had.
People, Jesus H. Crapola, ITS THE SAME NAMES... ALL THE TIME.... THE SAME GODDAM NAMES.
I know I said ANYBODY. I know I said No matter if I talked about them a billion times before.... but... but... BUT...
Just listen:
Rick Scaia: All I can possibly say about Scaia can be found here. That's it. Nothing left in the can on him. I don't go to his website. I don't follow him. I don't bother with that anymore.
Eric S. Him too. Where am I supposed to go after writing this? Scroll down to question 19.
And Scooter Keith? Come on. Enough already.
Test? Ah, this time, I'm going to wait until we have confirmed the cause of death before shooting off my mouth. I know what it looks like, so do you, but let's just wait.
But the GOOD news is that we all now have the chance to catch up with him in terms of different poon. He's probably ahead of most of us by, like, 50 different girls... but now we all get to catch up and pass him. He's fuck days are over.
And by the way, I remember reading a match recap where someone yelled, "YOU'RE ON STEROIDS!!" at him and all he did was shrug his shoulders at the dude and mime, "Yeah, so?"
This is a dude who's whole existence was based on his looks. I know the type.
But, for all we know he dropped dead from a brain clot. Patience
Trish? I already said, she can talk Hyatte first before I talk Trish anymore. Everything I have to say on that piece is over at my leftover blog.
Except... well, Fergie went brown first, she beat Trish by two weeks. She likes that BOOM BOOM POW, you chicks be copying her style... you be stealing her swagga but she on the next shit NOW...She's so 3008. You so 2000 late. She wants that future Boom Boom Boom... let her in on that...
Chris Hyatte? Me?? No. I'm bald and mean and a much better writer than even I believe. That's all I'm gonna say. I mean, look at the shit I have to deal with. Imagine what sort of somments would show up if I actually did give you people any sort of relevant information.
I will tell you about my book. It's coming along. I'm still writing it. I don't feel pressure of a deadline or anything because the economy is sucking so royal that the publishing industry is being even more tightassed then usual. I'd rather slowly make the first one as perfect as possible and I will not sweat it.
Plus, I broke 350 pages already (2 notebooks worth, which translates into less pages on text). I will NOT just quit. I just don't see a rush.
Jeff Smalls? You know what, fuck you. He is so beneath me it isn't even cute. I've done more, created more, thought more, and entertained more in any one MONTH of my 10 years as a wrestling writing God then he will in his whole fucking life. Fuck you for even thinking he's WORTHY of my attention. The entire 411 mania line-up can clean up my cum with their tongues. The fuck... you want me to step on HIM? Is that what you think of me? To unretire and go after HIM?? Fuck off. Go away, loser.
This Smalls kid has nothing to say and can't even hide it with any style. The entire planet saw Anchorman... the entire world knows where the "Whammy" gimmick comes from... but there he is, using it every time you assholes make me go see what he's about.
ANd then he steals Chevy Chase's famous Saturday Night Live line.... hoping to Christ his audience is too young to notice.
AND the basic lay-out of his column, of EVERY SINGLE COLUMN ON 411... who created that layour? Who? Me. My design. In 2001. Me. Hyatte. Daddy.
He's got nothing. There, all I could say on him is right up there. Nothing else. He's a void.
And then there are many, many more... and I'll get to them. Soon.
No, really.
No, REALLY... I have free time here now. And I have a really amusing Mark Madden story to tell. Plus a Tammy Sytch story. So, I've got stuff.
