Maybe... just maybe I should stop promising when I'll be back and just come back when I'm able. And inspired.
Wrestling:
I don't watch wrestling anymore, not really, but I DID re-subscribe to the In Demand 24/7 service. Just $7.
I get it for the PPV replays that run four months after the live airing.
The thing is, WWE is such a weasel-like bunch of dimwits and short-thinkers... I just KNOW they will cancel this part of the package once PPV buys drop too low. "Let the marks watch it when its LIVE!", someone will shout, "Or they can pay for the damn DVD!!" Fuck the cheapos who give them $7-$12 a month for 20 year old WCW Saturday shows. We'll suffer.
Short sighted thinking. They do it time and time again.
Take, for instance, Brock Lesnar:
You know what I love about Brock Lesnar? Well, other than the fact that he's pretty much a massive heel due to how he bigfooted over everyone to score a UFC title shot -and then WIN the fuckin' thing over this guy, Randy Couture, who is... like... UFC's version of Ric Flair or something. Just steamrolled over the fucker, he did.
NO, what I like is that Brock, after bombing at a pro football attempt, and seeing no career that his long-ass, no compete contract with the WWE wouldn't prohibit, he and his lawyers concocted a plan, a plan which COULD ONLY WORK if WWE, John Laurenitus, and Vince McMahon did what Brock knew they would.
So he walked into WWE headquarters, hat in hand, and asked for his job back.
And Vince offered him a contract significantly lower than what he had before. Just like Lesnar KNEW they would do.
So Lesnar and his lawyers ran to court and demanded to be released from his no-compete contract. They cited how WWE lowballed him with a new contract and asked the Judge, "What has changed since his last contract?? How did he become so undervalued?? And how can Brock find competitive work that will pay him what he's worth?"
The Judge agreed, asked WWE what the deal was, the WWE basically said, "Homina, homina," and asked for more time. The Judge gave them a deadline, the WWE probably decided that to fight this would force them to demonstrate how they pay their Independent Contractors and open their REAL books to the judge (and to the general public. with details that you just can't find on their corporate shareholders' website, and gave him his freedom.
And he is now the MMA's biggest star. Loved, hated. People will pay lots of money to watch him.
And because of that, the WWE will probably eliminate running recent PPVs on their cable channel. Buyrates will flatline and the loyal viewers will suffer. Will be made to PAY!!! DEARLY!!
You know, when it comes down to it, McMahon shows, on a weekly basis, just how much contempt he has for his loyal customers. All carny promoters do. I mean, what is a "mark" but someone who can be conned into giving up all their money.
Their problem (if you can call it a problem) is that they are trying, desperately trying, to pull off old school con games on the entire world, fan or not, then get mad when non-fans don't pay attention. The story of Jeff Hardy being found near dead in his Hotel in Boston went all but ignored by the mainstream media, (CNN and ABC did NOT report on it, contrary to what they say.) So they claim it was a national news story anyway. Because fans... MARKS... will believe anything they say, because we don't pay attention to the news.
And their hardcore fans... heh... might not. Have you SEEN who has accounts on their new "WWE MySpace" set-up? Thing is, the REAL audience they want love from sees right through their con, is creeped out by the company, and stays away in droves.
Between bankruptcy and the offer of FREE advertising on WWE programming... I'd bet the good people who run GM would take bankruptcy in a heartbeat.
And that's why UFC has all their "heat" now. It's okay to be a public fan of UFC. Other then two very brief periods in the 80's and the 90's, it was always better for wrestling fans to be nice and ashamed.
Really, how made adults do you see with John Cena t-shirts these days?
Once upon a time, you tuned to Raw every Monday because you did not know what was going to happen. There was a sense of complete excitement. And this was in the HEIGHT of the Internet craze so everyone knew what was going on, still, we couldn't WAIT to see what they would do this week.
You just don't get that anymore.
******
Scooter:
Want to know what separates Scooter from... well, me?
He writes very professionally. All the commas are properly placed and he knows exactly when the ...'s belong. He just has zero imagination.
I, on the other hand, write like a fifth grader but have an OCEAN filled with DEVESTATING imagination.
His lack of any real creativity will keep him stuck recapping old wrestling shows for the rest of his life. My lack of any real ambition keeps me right here.
I need a muse.
*****
I had more, but not really. I think I've not been running to this blog every day to write something because I don't have anything to write, not solely from my mind. However, their are TONS of comments that have been made over the last few blogs that can open up things nicely. So, before I decided "fuck this, they can wait two more days..."
1) November 19, 2008 10:53 AM... Anonymous said... "Mikey, HAD you actually posted a picture of me I WOULD have left the Internet." Jeez, just how ugly IS Hyatte!? Probably not THAT much... just sorta funny lookin' in a minor yet notable way. Hey, no biggie... you're rotten on the inside, Hyatte, which is why we love ya.
No, you misunderstand. My point was that I am/was SO CONFIDENT that there is no WAY a real picture of me is available online that I told the cocksucker that I'd leave the net forever if he dug one up. He SAID he did (convienently gone now, of course), but he can't... because he wouldn't have access to any.
Fuckin' Gloomchen... big mouth. I knew I was doing the right thing when I gave her that fake pic. I knew it would spread like a small wildfire.
I am perfectly normal fellow with a body that SHOULD... and COULD... resemble a younger, taller version of Michael Chiklis. I just gotta run more and lay off the Big Macs. And Chiklis is your classic fat guy working like hell to stay thin. That's a small part of six years of The Shield that I always liked, watching the silent, deadly war Chiklis waged privately trying to keep his body from going lard-assed.
2) November 19, 2008 7:02 PM... rites said... I signed up at NPP and I can't post. Fail.
Generally, newbies are pissed on quite a bit over there. Scotsman wants new members, but no one else there does. And you have to know everyone's entire life story and history there or they'll reject you. It's a gay little xenophobic society.
But Ormberg's a hoot. Anyone remember the movie "Meatballs"? Remember Spazz? Ormberg's just like Spazz. Or Poindexter from the "Revenge of the Nerds" movies. eah, he's the type who will scream, "AHHHGH" whenever he pops wood.
3) November 23, 2008 6:10 AM... Anonymous said... Look I know what this is about, and you had your reasons. Pedro was never in on it. Say whatever you want to, neither he nor Claudio even KNEW the farm existed. Or what was going on in the planetarium. If you really want to piss me off, you'll do what you've always done and bury it. Along with all the other cans of tunafish. You and I both know how this will end, and you'd be a fool to think it's not going to come around by Lincoln's birthday. See, Hyatte? I can do it TOO! You totally have no idea what I'm talking about! I'm Mysterious, like Batman, but with five additional secret identities! NaNaNaNanNaNaNa HY-ATTE!
Nah, you strike me more as a Spawn kinda guy... your heyday was ten years ago and you're constantly brooding (aw, SNAP!) Plus you're in love with a black chick who's eternally disgusted by your appearance (Oh!) and you were really only worth reading during the Clinton administration (now that's below the belt, sir!)
Nah, keep up the good work. Feel free to secret notatize until even YOU don't know what you're referring to.
Oh I HATED Spawn. Couldn't stand Todd McFarlane either. I love Rob Liefield tho'. I love how his art is so bad that even I could see the fuck ups. How he could never keep any characters height straight. Sometimes they were 4 foot tall, and sometimes they were staring Cable eye to eye. I also love how he draws one facial expression that represents shock, outrage, screaming, yelling, or surprise. It's the wide opened hanging jaw look.
Here's a classic Liefeld drawing, so obnoxious and appalling that its pretty much his "White Album" of bad poses:
And he was paid millions for this work.
I ALSO love how Liefield used to take 8 issues to tell a story that really only needed 5, and how the only consistency he has shown is how hiring him to draw for your series virtually GUARENTEES that your shot at a steady monthly comic is all but doomed. He never makes a deadline... ever.
But he's still sought after, he's rich, and he likes to shoot his mouth off. If I was still part of the comic book crowd (turned my membership card in a LOOOONG time ago), I'd be hating him. Or shaking my head at anything with his name on it.
Or, to put it more succinctly, according to some website called Progressive Boink with a essay called "The 40 worst Rob Liefeld drawings"...
Rob Liefeld is still getting commissioned to do work for both major comics publishers. He is one of the most successful, recognizable, well-known and popular comic book artists in history despite being difficult to work with, egotistical, contrary and missing deadlines on a consistent basis. He has made more money than most of us will ever see in our lifetimes. He still cannot draw a foot.
God Bless America.
4) November 23, 2008 11:30 AM... graydaloomer said...
Your reality is hard to distinguish, so as you have asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN- I just don't try anymore.
Aside from that- aren't you like 40 or so? You haven't settled down YET? Jeezus man, either you are a really late bloomer, or you're closeted.
Did you get rid of the bird?
Is this all really NoSoul?
No, I am not Erik Ashley AKA NoSoul.
And the bird is sitting on my shoulder as I type this.
I am neither a really late bloomer NOR... FOR CHRISSAKES NOR am I closeted. I thought about doing guys and... just can't fathom it. I like girls... girls with pussies... and boobs.
So, not only am I not a late bloomer or a closeted homosexual, but I am not posting comments as "graydaloomer" either... which means I don't think like you, or have the same ethics, or morals as you. I don't believe the things you believe in.
And I don't give a fuck if I'm SUPPOSED to be settled down with someone by the time I reach 40. I don't play by those rules.
Here are the rules I play by: I want to do what I want, when I want, and how I want. I do NOT want to be handing over half my hard earned savings to my wife after 10-20 years of marriage in a divorce which I KNOW I'll be getting because I KNOW what sort of person I am. I know who I attract, who I am attracted to, and what the end result will be.
I've been alone my whole life. It's the life I'm used to. It's the life I'm comfortable in. I have no responsibilities other then to myself and to this fucking parrot of mine. In this FRIGHTENING American economy, I am thanking my lucky stars I just have me to worry about because people are getting laid off by the thousands each week and those people have children to feed and clothe and medicate. Trust me, I am breathing a sigh of relief.
Is it all perfect? Nope. This time of the year is particularly rough... but its a small pain for a life of general contentment.
Besides, I believe in true love... and I found it once, actually, she found me... but.... well...
Anywhoo... don't tell me what I SHOULD be doing, my friend (and I'm not insulted or mad at all, just telling you what's what). I'm alone but not lonely. Its been so loing since I've been lonely I forgot what it feels like.
Daddy's fine, and he's NOT adhering to these supposed "rules that Normal People abide by"
5) November 23, 2008 8:45 PM... Anonymous said... Just one trip to Bangkok or Manila,my man. You'll never look back. Abe
Bangkok? At what point in my entire 11 year online existence did I give any indication that I was into young boys?
6) November 24, 2008 3:44 PM... Anonymous said... With all due respect, I think the mighty Hyatte has finally jumped the shark. I'll give you props for lasting through half a dozen websites, no web presence at all, a couple different blogs. But this marriage "angle".... I dunno.
I hope you don't take offense to this. It's not meant that way. Just being truthful.
It's okay. But let's be real... I jumped the shark a loooooong time ago. I just had the good sense to give it one more year (closer to two, really) at a completely different venue to a completely different audience (DOI) and then *click POW* I put a bullet in the column and STAYED DEAD.
I mean, remember, I ended every DOI column with a number... starting at 50 and going backwards. I always knew where I was going... as far as free labor was concerned.
You didn't like the marriage... angle (ugh, can we STOP with the fucking carny talk... PLEASE). It's cool, I reckon lots of readers didn't.
Well, the good news is its over. I'll never announce a surprise marriage in these pages again. Cool? Now sit on it, Cunningham... AYYYYE!!!
7) November 24, 2008 9:49 PM... Ed Leslie's Face said... Isn't this something Sean Shannon would do?
Oh Sean would lay thick the whole "Woe is me, can't a pre-op transgender catch a BREAK??" trip and then cry about how lonely he is and how he goes and does that DDR thing at his local arcade and everyone is creeped out by him.
Plus, I'm pretty sure he would announce a marriage to a man, and then use it as a forum to gripe about Gay rights.
8) November 24, 2008 11:35 PM... Anonymous said... you all are so clever, honestly. for the record, i am actually a friend of hyatte's. THAT'S RIGHT. the man whose dick you all suck. so shut the fuck up.
ps: honestly, if you're going to impersonate me, at least use correct punctuation. i don't capitalize, but come on.
pps: im a twenty year old female in college and hyatte's the shit.
Folks, Alli is a girl I've known for years and years now. Her boyfriend at the time once decided to bomb me with nasty little AIM flooding programs whenever I logged on, then bragged about it to her. She decided to harrass me too... but I charmed her so completely that she decided she liked ME more then her own boyfriend, and dumped him.
BUT... she doesn't LIKE me like she wants to fuck my balls off... she likes me as a person. And we remain good, PLATONIC friends. I lecture her on the benefits of a good breakfast and she complains about... oh I can't go there.
I'm like her mentor, I tell her what guys are thinking. I give her advice, she calls me an idiot and doesn't listen, then she comes back a few days later looking for new advice. It's how we roll.
Oh, and she is halfway through her four year run at RUTGERS... which makes her at least just as smart as anyone else here, and probably smarter than most.
And last year, she decided that she likes the... oh dammit, I can't say that either. Let's just say she discovered the advatages to wearing tight t-shirts and leave it at that.
9) November 23, 2008 6:02 PM... Percy pringle's penis said... And this is moderated? Jeez. BTW Hy, we all knew the marriage was fake. The reason why was always more interesting. Oh, and Trish has been making comments about her fakes online. Convinced?
Convinced of what?
This is a lose/lose scenario for me. I can't convince anyone of who I talk to and no one would believe me anyway. People actually get ENRAGED about it.
The deal is that Trish is very, VERY protective of her professional image, so she goes above and beyond to keep Trish Stratus separated from the girl I've talked to for SEVEN YEARS now. Not just me either, she has tons of Facebook and MySpace friends who must be seriously confused as to who they are talking to.
Basically, Trish is now "official" on MySpace and talking about fakes just so if someone... ME... decides to post e-mails and chat transcripts revealing a much different girl, she can dismiss it easily as a fake. And there is no proof for anyone to disagree.
We never talked about this, and I'm not sure she reads this, but thems the facts and she's probably a bit surprised that I know of this escape plan she had. I've known it for years. Its to keep Hyatte from causing trouble. Yerah, she might not have known that I was aware of this, but she ALWAYS underestimated my perceptiveness. Its one of her few flaws... just a few tho'.
The only thing that bugs me is that she totally submitted to her "official" Myspace page and got rid of everything else, including her e-mail and Facebook page. Now she gets tens of thousands of marks telling her how great she is. I didn't think she needed that re-assurance. Must be lonely. Married life must not be all its cracked up to be.
By the way, her first order of business was to BEG her fans to vote her "Hottest Girl on TV" for something called the "Gemini" awards. Which is the Canadian Emmys... although the "Emmys" never had a category for Hottest anything... they just award performances. Canada must need filler material.
And by the way, she lost the award to someone else... possibly someone younger. The marks failed her - both from Myspace and her WWE page - FAILED HER.
If this is the girl I know, she'll brush it off, but those long blogs they get will get shorter and shorter... and fewer and further between. I know the girl, this will be what happens.
Anyway, to answer your question... I am convinced, but not in the way you think, its just nothing I have any chance of convincing anyone of. Even if I released a video of her and me fucking, people still wouldn't believe it.
And besides, if I wanted to burn her and expose her, I would have already... and would have done a good job too. I don't really want to. She and I had a nice relationship and she got just as much out of it as I did. End of story.
She really shouldn't beg people for a silly award tho'. Makes her look really, really bad. Sorry, kid.
10) November 24, 2008 4:09 PM... November 24, 2008 4:09 PM... Anonymous said... Why does this blog suddenly resemble the movie "Desperately Seeking Susan?" It's like reading the personals in the local hook up rag. Wow Hyatte, your long time fans need, nay, we DESERVE an explination that makes FUCKING SENSE! Oh and Happy Thanksgiving.
Desperately Seeking Susan?? HO HOOOO! THE EIGHTIES CALLED, MY BROTHA'!!! THEY SAID COME ON OVER TO THE OUGHTS!! ITS NICE UP HERE IN THE FUTURE! WE GOT US AN ACTUAL HALF-NEGRO PRESIDENT NOW!!
The married thing... hmm... wow. It was an experiment. I was dreadfully late with a blog... well, not really since I'm on no schedule... I hadn't posted anything in a while and I just wanted to see what would happen if I announced it.
And by the way, you tools... I've known about 5 girls named Chantelle in my life and ALL of them were pretty much whiter than Hannah Montana. Get OUT more, yo.
And then I saw this as an opportunity to fuck with someones head (yes, that element is there, alas), much like mine was fucked with not too long ago and a few times since.
And most of all, I got to not post for a while and then come back all cryptic and flustered and confused and fly by the seat of my pants and all that.
THEN I thought about it and said, "Hmm, well the natural thing to happen here, if this was real, was that one of us would suddenly realize what a huge, misguided thing this was and BAIL." Since I have always been more comfortable writing myself as the shmuck, I sent her off and openly begged for her to come back here in this blog.
And then... I decided that more of you probably didn't believe it, and the concept had almost ran its course, and I really didn't want to take it further. So I killed it and confessed. Pretty much it, guys.
The point is, as noted in one of the posts above, this will never be a blog where I go on and on about my weekend, or my work, or the quiff I'm banging, or where I'm eating, or how AWESOME my life is and how EVERYTHING works out for me (like that cocksucker fairybeard Alex Lucard... or any given WWE wrestler Myspace blog). To me, that's faker then anything I write.
And then there is the extreme opposite of this, which is Sean Shannon's blog. I can't go there either. No self pity here, boyo. Nope.
I just want to do what I do and experiment and fuck around and have no rules or no themes and just... just... RAMBLE.
And the smarter ones will pick up a glimpse or two of raw, actual incite. Oh, its there.
So, if I pissed you off about the marriage thing, sorry. But it only lasted... three blogs. Four? I'm too lazy to go and look to the left of this page and see.
11) November 24, 2008 12:13 PM... Anonymous said... good one, I was on the fence about whether it was real or a hoax but amusing nonetheless. Anyways, since this is just going to you, I wanted to remind you that my show Storm Chasers is on, it's on youtube as well if you just want to check out a bit. Just if you are curious about a long time reader, I'm in the TIV, the tank, on the show. Looking forward to the next blog.
B
Thank you, Turk. Everyone be sure to check out your show THIS SUMDAY when it gets a whole afternoon/evening to itself. The Storm Chasers Marathon, from 3-11 pm est, ONLY on the Discovery Channel.
You all can flip during the football commercials.
Am I done yet? I think so. Hmm... maybe one last thing...
To YOU....I know, you're trying to wean yourself off this... but I also know this is the first thing you check out whenever you log on... so watch this and remember to miss me...
Girl knows her shit. And she puts her SOUL into it. So did I, baby.
So did I. Hope you still have that Panic Button around.
Anyway, comments are back on (I just didn't want to hear you griping) and moderation is OFF. OFF!! Comment freely and get your instantaneous gratification!! But they are OFF... so anyone have anything they need to say to me in private, you're just going to have to find a different way.
Sho' nuff.
Laters.
