Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
4500 words but not from me.
That's some low life chicanery on all their parts!
This is why I love Axl Rose.
14 years in the making, he finallyis legally forced hands in his finished Guns 'n' Roses disc: Chinese Democracy, offers NO promotion, hasn't booked ANYTHING resembling a tour, grants NO interviews, and seems to have disappeared off the planet.
And I will swear on a stack of bibles that I am CONVINCED MTV kept Kurt Loder around as long as they did just because he's the only one Axl likes to talk to.
But anyway, no PR, no Saturday Night Live one shot sets, no Letterman, no Leno, not even a god damned Craid Ferguson shot... nothing...
But, after 14 years + of total and obsessive silence, he shows up on the message board of a G'n'R fansite and lets LOOSE....
4500 words plus... and then more posts made on the 82 page spread.
Boy, if they were still alive Cobain, Lennon, and Elvis would be doing the exact same thing... only not as... as... wildly COOL like this.
Okay, Cobain... sure, I see him closing up for 15 years before resurfacing in the most ridiculous of platforms.
Anyway, for the occasion, and because the Scooter book went so well... I made another blogsite to handle my longform stuff, like books and shorts and shit like this.
So go enter the mind of... an asshole? A nutcase? A genius? A narcissist? All? None? Overrated? Underestimated? Weird? I need to read this a few times more.
If anything, its a fine way to kill a good hour or so.
Go visit my leftovers. But make your comments here.
Make lots of them too.
This is why I love Axl Rose.
14 years in the making, he finally
And I will swear on a stack of bibles that I am CONVINCED MTV kept Kurt Loder around as long as they did just because he's the only one Axl likes to talk to.
But anyway, no PR, no Saturday Night Live one shot sets, no Letterman, no Leno, not even a god damned Craid Ferguson shot... nothing...
But, after 14 years + of total and obsessive silence, he shows up on the message board of a G'n'R fansite and lets LOOSE....
4500 words plus... and then more posts made on the 82 page spread.
Boy, if they were still alive Cobain, Lennon, and Elvis would be doing the exact same thing... only not as... as... wildly COOL like this.
Okay, Cobain... sure, I see him closing up for 15 years before resurfacing in the most ridiculous of platforms.
Anyway, for the occasion, and because the Scooter book went so well... I made another blogsite to handle my longform stuff, like books and shorts and shit like this.
So go enter the mind of... an asshole? A nutcase? A genius? A narcissist? All? None? Overrated? Underestimated? Weird? I need to read this a few times more.
If anything, its a fine way to kill a good hour or so.
Go visit my leftovers. But make your comments here.
Make lots of them too.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Sad Endings...
Enough is enough. All things must end lest they become stagnant. It's a painful thing to experience. But sometimes you just have to say "That's it, we're THROUGH," and get rid of it.
Of course, I'm talking about The Shield and Boston Legal. Obviously, some executive uttered those very words above and pulled the plug.
What? The fuck did you think I was talking aboot?
(isn't there, like, a nice long confessional email coming my way? Aren't those things obligatory? Just wondering.)
This'll be a TV-centric sort of entry, starting with a show that won't be getting killed for a while, it just started... and it's actually good!!
So, who watches Fringe? I do.
Which is funny since I absolutely refuse to ever go NEAR Heroes and I will only watch Lost when the entire series, end to end, shows up on DVD and then I will watch it nonstop and try to figure shit out on my own in one fell swoop. But I like Fringe for four reasons:
1) I get the sense that the old nutty professor guy is some classically trained theater goon straight out of England who is just collecting a paycheck and having an absolute ball playing an old nutty professor guy. And yes, I am too fucking lazy to go look it up. I'm sure one of you will straighten me out with his life story in the comments.
2) So far I've spotted two former inmates of Oz and I'm just tickled that these guys are getting work. Dean Winters DEMANDS steady work, yo.
3) Joshua Jackson used to annoy the shit out of me, but the same sarcastic, arrogant, "I'm smarter than everyone else" bullshit he used on Dawson's Creek works here, now that he's all grown up. Of course, it's an added bonus that since he's playing more or less Pacey as a grown up, he's showing that he really doesn't have... like... ANY acting range. But the part suits him fine.
4) And finally... here is the lead actress, named Anna Torv:
And here is well-known porno chick Aurora Snow:
Dudes... they are... like... SISTERS!!
So now I watch Anna Torv on Fringe and just wonder if she has her "sister's" gaping twin holes...
(and brother... if you've never seen Aurora Snow in action... man... she is the first porn chick that I KNOW I would have no shot at satisfying. Just... black holes there... bottomless pits... you literally could drop your car keys in there and they WOULD be lost forever. She'd make a great drug mule. No swallowing necessary.
But I like Fringe and its slow turning grand storyline. And who is the bald guy?
NOTE: Now I'm going to go heavy into The Shield. If you didn't watch the show, or Boston Legal, I suggest you dump down to the comments part... or just go away, this blog ain't for you this time around.
Anyway, including the guy who created the show, there have been non-stop comparisons to The Shield and The Sopranos. Well, I'm here to say STOP IT!!
Jeeze.
So, The Sopranos was a character study. That's all it was. The conceit, and it was a genius idea, was to take the cliche of a generic Italian mob boss, one seen only thousands of times in thousands of movies, and examine his homelife. Its as if Coppella showed us Don Corleone having to go home and learn that young Sonny was expelled from another high school and young Fredo was caught jacking off to old copies of "Playboy" with his mother's panties as a tissue.
And then David Chase went even further and gave his Mob Boss panic attacks, therefore using a therapist to probe any and all guilt he may have for being such a criminal.
But The Sopranos was a character study. Other than Tony's weight, exactly what changed about this crew from episode one to the zap to black finale? Nothing, and that was Chase's best achievement, he wasn't looking to arc anything, the plotlines for each season were just a natural act of momentum to keep us watching. This show was putting a cliched character and fleshing him out to make him completely human, something that has never been done before.
If you ask me, the best thing about The Sopranos is that it changed the way mob movies should be made forever. Chase showed us how far they could go with this genre.
And again, it was just about peeling the layers of these characters and making them your next door neighbors. And once he was finished, he cut to black. Tony being whacked on camera would've meant plot development, a conclusion. This was a character study, and we learned all there was to know about these people. There is NO changing the Sopranos, it was just about who they were. And when David Chase ran out of different ways to explore the life of Tony Soprano, he went to black.
Now The Shield, on the other hand...
For one of my favorite readers "Porn Valley":
"I have every right to hose down my sidewalk. If a crack ho happens to get wet, that's life."
From episode one Shawn Ryan knew what the end result would be, maybe not in its full detail, but he knew the main beats. His greatest conceit, and it was in itself a genius move, was to spend seven seasons making us root for Vic Mackey, the guy who put a bullet in the face of another cop at the end of the very first episode.
When he orchestrated a massive money heist, ripping off the Armenian mob, which resulted in many people dying, we hoped he wouldn't get caught.
When Dutch caught a small whiff of his involvement in this, and slowly started putting the pieces together, we hoped for Vic to get Dutch looking in another direction.
And when they finally sent a near psychotic, obsessed bulldog of a Internal Affairs Officer after him, we couldn't wait to see Vic slap him down.
The hero of the series was the dirtiest cop to ever be televised... that was the beauty of The Shield, and that's the ONLY way its related to The Sopranos.
But The Shield isn't a character study, it's a seven volume novel. I'm watching the whole series right now, currently halfway through the Glenn Close season, and by watching it as one continual series, you can see the build up. This show started with all its characters locked down tight, what this show was about was PLOT. It was 100% plot driven, one episode bled into the next, one season evolved into the next. Every character got a storyline, every plotline served a greater purpose, and everything... fucking EVERYTHING had repercussions.
In a way, The Shield is a lot like the Harry Potter books. one giant story broken down in seven parts. Never looking back, never stopping, never stagnating.
Oh sure, some arcs ended early, but that's just because Shawn Ryan needed all his eggs centered around Vic Mackey and his Strike Team as he headed towards the finish line. Julian, the deeply closeted, deeply religious black cop spent three seasons fighting off his gay tendencies and ignoring the fact that he couldn't... there wasn't much more they could do with him on that end so they ended his part by placing his moral codes up against Mackey's lack of.
David Aceveda, the brilliant politician, wishy washy Police Captain, and plain mediocre cop, his true arc started in season three (forced to mouthfuck a crack head in a scene that made even ME drop my fucking jaw and say, "Holy shit, they let that get on CABLE TV???), which evolved to a disturbing progression in season four where he started paying a high-end call girl to indulge his hardcore rough sex fetishes, which tied into the last two seasons where he had to save his political career when Mackey got a hold of a picture of Aceveda with said crackhead cock in his mouth.
It all progresses.
Anyway, the people didn't change, but the relationships did, and none more sever then the one between Vic and Shane. These guys started out the very best of friends, brothers beyond the badge, and true partners in crime, and because of a girl... a GIRL... oh, and a grenade in the lap of the one guy on the Strike team that was actually 100% decent.
Vic's mistake is that he thought Shane could always be controlled. Shane's mistake was that he thought he could do what Vic does. Shane's wife thought he didn't need Vic.
And just to drive this point home, they gave us one last conversation between the two where Shane tried to fuck with Vic's head with one last blackmail attempt. Vic proved to be one step ahead again by laughing at him and bragging about signing a full immunity contract with the Feds. Shane got mad and tried to enrage Vic by bragging about how Vic's wife was helping the police catch him. Rather then go off, Vic absorbed it, kept his cool, and promised Shane that while Daddy was i prison, he would take his son to Disneyland every year and tell him all about what a fuck-up his father was.
And it was Shane who freaked out. He tried to out-Vic the master and lost... so badly that he chose a murder-suicide (and yeah, Ryan says he got the idea from Chris Benoit) over Vic's scenario. Watch the first five seasons, it was always Vic and Shane first. To have it end like this, a natural dissolution.
And it wasn't the first time Shane tried things on his own. In season four, with the Strike team disbanded, Shane tried to Mackey it up against an OG drug lord named Antwon Mitchell, and ended up with a dead girl killed by his gun. Mackey needed to bail him out. Foreshadowing.
This show, The Shield, was like a stack of dominoes, in season one a piece was pushed. And they never stopped falling.
But the last show... no zap to black here, things demanded an ending, we deserved an ending, and we got it... huge...
First of all, the best actors on this show (and god damn they were all brilliant), wasn't Michael Chiklis. Wasn't Dutch (although he was a fucking great character... better then everyone else but not as good as he thought, and more fragile then he ever let on... the beta dog who thought he was an alpha). And it wasn't Benito Martinez (although it is fun hearing the DVD commentary of him and Shawn Ryan talk over his blowjob scene as if they were watching him shop for groceries. Amazingly awkward) either. No, the two best actors were Walt Goggins, Shane... who proved it for the last three seasons... and CCH Pounder, who was given two major scenes in the last show which just slammed home the fact for us.
It was Claudette who HAD to be the one to show Vic what his final legacy as a cop would be. It was Claudette who HAD to confront Vic. She was the only good cop pure enough, righteous enough, and strong enough to give up the final showdown against the dirtiest cop on TV.
And she almost nailed him. Not with a confession, not with a flood of tears, but with the last ramifications of his actions... both with his former best friend and with his most loyal partner...
(and poor Ronnie ((which will be the very last time you will see me type those two words, for reasons that having nothing to do with this fucking show))... got his face burned off for the team, did everything he was asked to do with nary a complaint, gave his trust 100% to Vic and never wavered, was told point blank by Forest Whitaker that he was the most careful member of the team and it won't make a difference in the end ((which AGAIN, proves Ryan knew what he wanted from the get-go)), never let his faith waver even a bit, and ended up being the one guy to pay the law for the crimes of his crew. Someone had to go down for all this, why not the guy who got maybe two pages worth of lines for the first few years)
... thrown in his face, right before he was thrown out of the precinct... and the brotherhood in blue, for good. All the good he did was gone. Disgraced.
And sent to hell.
So, let's wrap up this with the smile. The last moment of the show, we saw Vic take his gun out of his desk safe, smile, and put it in its usual spot at the small of his back before walking out. He was consigned to three years of desk work for the feds, in a suit and tie, under miserable fluorescent lights, and under orders to type out five ten page reports on gang activity... single spaced... each week for three years. Shawn Ryan says that Chiklis improvised the smile and he kept it in.
What was the smile? A smile of victory? That he got out from all his bad deeds? That he can be a free man after the next three years and fuck them all, he got away with it? Maybe.
Me? I think the smile was the start of a new book, one last volume, or the start of a new series of volumes. Oh hell no, not anything that we'll ever see, because its clear this show is done... but both Chiklis and Ryan wanted to honor our love for this corrupt, sociopathic cop that we couldn't help but root for.
The smile was Vic starting a new plan. He lost everything but his gun. That's enough to start with.
The show wasn't about to change anyone. No one received redemption. Like I said, these characters were already fully fleshed out before the first scene.
So of course, Mackey would start planning on how to get out of three years of desk duty.
Oh... and I didn't get into the show until season five, and I picked up the first four season DVDs right away so I could catch up. Guess who talked me into it?
Gloomchen. Go figure.
Meanwhile, snuggled away on lonely ol' Monday nights, Boston Legal had its final episode...
And it sucked.
No, it fucking REEKED.
Rather then provide a fitting ending which honored the characters, especially Denny Crane who spent the last five years telling us that his legacy was his firm, and his name. So, when they sold the firm to the Japs, who demanded that Denny be fired and took his name OFF the Lawfirm, what did Denny do?
He went and got married to his best friend, Alan Shore... all so David Kelly could write one more lecture on same sex marriages and why they are good...
I was insulted, and pissed. But I've gone on and on about TV for now... so I'll get into this at another date if you all want to bullshit about it.
And John Larroquette was hilarious 15 years ago on Night Court, now he's just another boring actor who I don't like.
Betty White is the BOMB, however... and Candice bergan makes it look so easy.
Anyway... I promised comments so let's knock off a few...
1) December 8, 2008 10:35 AM... "Cowboy" Bill Watts, y'all. said... Hey Hyatte How about another one of those 48 hour Q&A things you tried a while back?
Well Cowboy, seems that I'm a'shootin' away with every comment I respond to in this here ding, dong lil' comment Q & A... so I just 'bout figured, why bother, I'm being honest enough as it is... or at least as honest as I'mma ever gonna git. Hyuck!
And whats the deal with booking the Undertaker with that scary sumbitch mask??
2) November 14, 2008 9:55 AM... Anonymous said... Gay Turnip, I understand that writing is something you do for your own personal edification -- and that's COMPLETELY cool. But I also understand that this kind of writing is a form of exhibitionism... and an exhibitionist NEEDS an audience. 'Cause a flasher wouldn't have any fun waving his prick inside his empty apartment; that's why he hangs around the petting zoo at the neighborhood amusement park.
Conclusion? If you didn't want any of your long-time patrons to read you anymore, you would've picked a different penname. So, YES -- you're doing this for yourself, but in part you're doing this because you enjoy waving your prick at an audience.
But since a reach-around is fair play in ANY quasi-loving relationship, I'll freely admit that I've been reading your work over the years for MY personal edification: I trade you a few minutes of my time a pop, and in return I get high-quality, borderline-sociopathic humor... plus a few interesting ideas. It's a fair tradeoff -- and as long as I'm happy with the transaction, I'll stay a loyal member of the Hyatte Fan Club.
I gotta admit one thing, tho: Lately, I kinda view you more as a cautionary tale of wasted talent. You're too good for this, man. I truly hope something motivates you to escape these blogs and start waving your prick again at a bigger population pool.
A'ight?
There is nothing you said here that I can disagree with.
SEE, I'M ALWAYS SHOOTING!!!!!!!!!
3) November 14, 2008 8:27 AM... Tim said... Welcome back! Some of us appreciate when you post, no matter what you post. Take your time dude. Your core folks aren't going anywhere.
Aww shucks Tim, thank you so much. I do it all for you. You made my day! You complete me. You rule.
4) November 14, 2008 9:08 AM... tim said...actually I've changed my mind. See ya!
Oh you fucking rat jap fuck bastard!!! GO FUCK YOURSELF, TRAITOR!! I HOPE YOU DIE, DIE DIE!!
Funny enough, I get this in real life too... only from a girl.
5) December 10, 2008 5:55 PM... Patricia said... What kind of name is Gloomchen? Are you an Ewok? Fuckin' internet drama everwhere I look. Someday it'll be Saturday night. You're right, you always were.
Hello dear, and no, there is no reason why I would place your comment right here.
What do you know from Ewoks? Don't you refuse to watch Star Wars? And Buffy even though you would totally love it?
I can assure you, Gloomchen isn't reading this. Well, maybe she is but I think I have a better shot at getting a phonecall from Kelly Kelly inviting me to visit her in some hotelroom suite in New York. "Well, you can DRIVE, loser... and hurry up before I fall asleep".. then we do of having Summer Lorrenson make regular stops here.
Let every night be Saturday night, every day too.
What drama? Bam being a brat again?
Welcome back, unless you've already changed yer mind again.
6) December 6, 2008 8:28 PM... Trish said... Fuck you for not calling me. And for the chlamydia.
Oh trust me love, I call you a LOT of things.
You're welcome... hope it causes the hubbie's pecker to fall off... the lucky bastard.
7) December 8, 2008 5:09 AM... liefield said...
i has drew picture of you hi-eight
o
\O/
/\
Holy cow!! This computer scribble from Rob Liefeld is worth what... 20K?? I'M RICH!!! THANK YOU, DUDE!!!
8) December 8, 2008 12:31 PM... Anonymous said... You know what Hyatte? FUCK YOU. You talk a big game but don't mail me when it counts. I'm bored of waiting and sick of these fucking cryptic messages to people without you thinking FOR A FUCKING SECOND what it does to others.
As God as my witness, I have no idea who this is supposed to be... well, other then someone trying to work me... that I get, I just don't know who its supposed to be.
And I know what these cryptic messages do to other people... it bores them to tears. HA!!
9) November 17, 2008 5:28 PM... TTG said...
BOOYA!!.
Ok, since THE GREAT HYATTE is apparently leaving soon (Although he's had more retirements than Hogan and Piper COMBINED), here is a thread to celebrate Hyatte's DECADE OF ONLINE DESTRUCTION!!!
Most people don't seem to like this guy, why is that? Maybe...
-He's like Andy Kauffman, and people just don't understand him?
-He's like Simon Cowell and people are turned off by his arrogance?
-He's the greatest, and most LIFE SMARKS are bitten with a serious case of INFERIORITY COMPLEXES AND BITTERNESS??
Either way, as a SUPERIOR POSTER and confident person myself, I have the ability to "swallow my own pride", and admit that Hyatte is indeed, the KING OF THE INTERNET!. That is why in late 2003, I attempted to get a hot Portugese girl from my old job to record a sound file, seductively calling him "Christopher" over and over again. Hey, at least the effort was there. B)
So now, without further adieu (adu? adoo?? adeu?? whatever...)...
HYATTE'S TOP TEN INTERNET CONTRIBUTIONS!!
10- AAT: The gambling story (4 jacks, and GULL, which I pictured as John Cleese)
9- Leaving Scoops for greener pastures after that LIFE SMARK Remy "The Slammer" Artega went TOO FAR!!
8- AAT: What would Jesus do in WWE/WCW/ECW, classic stuff
7- Discovering that Dillinger is the ANTI-CHRIST
6- Introducing the term : LIFE SMARK to a wider audience!
5- AAT: THE TAKING OF HHH
4- Driving Sean Shannon near suicide (Sort of like I drove STYXX crazy for a while, before our love for UMAGA brought us closer)
3- The Midnight News format which most writers have copied since
2- The MOP UPS, which revolutionized recapping as we knew it
1- THE MOTHERFUCKING VILLANO JOKES!!!
Thank you Top Ten Guy, and may I say that you are the only reason I go to NPP anymore because only you seem to know just how fucking retarded those miserable, fun-sucking, nerdy, clitorally clueless Life Smarks are and I love how you remind them of their innate douchebagness every day. I admire you, sir.
10) December 4, 2008 12:43 PM ... Anonymous said...
ya know part of me feels like a tool for asking...part of me feels like I may catch some shit for this but...
Any chance that you could drop an "And Another Thing" on us in the near future?
The Mop-Ups were cool, the Midnight News changed the IWC, but above all AAT is where you really showed your talent.
Heck you squeeze out a couple more AAT's and there's your book.
Here's a few suggestions (lol)...
AAT the taking of Trish Stratus
AAT the real Chris Hyatte
AAT the rise and fall of the IWC
AAT the day Grut died...
Chris
Louisville
Thanks but... umm... I occasionally think of submitting AAT's the Meltzer (although now with that wannabe Bryan Alverez running things, it's looking less and less enticing) and sometimes ideas pop up...
But then I think, "Wrestling?? Oh God NO!" and that ends that.
As far as your suggestions:
Look, I am fairly convinced that every time a "fan" shows up at her Yoga studio looking to spend time with Trish, the girl studies the "fan" from her tinted, bullet proof office window and tries to figure out if Hyatte finally crossed into stalker mode.
And when she calls the RCMP and they take him away and they tell her he was ID'ed as.... "Mark Bodek" or "Frank Romeo" or.... "Wynn Carlson" and she says something like, "But when you asked him about CHRIS HYATTE did he jump? Flinch? I thought for SURE it was him!! This is what happens on a weekly basis. Who needs that?
Anyway, if I wrote a column/story about "Taking Trish Stratus"... I somehow doubt it would help change her mind about how harmless I really am. So no to that.
The real Chris Hyatte is a tale no one wants to read or hear about, and I have PROOF of this.
And Another Thing: The Rise and Fall of Internet Wrestling. Only seven and a half year old. At 411 Mania.
YOU HEAR THAT CSONKA, YOU BIG PHONEY LIAR!! I'M STILL ARCHIVED AT YOUR PLACE!! I'M STILL A SHADOW ON YOUR FLABBY TUCKUS!!!
And fuck Josh Grut. he died right at the moment he decided to try to steal Amanda from me, he's Shane to my Vic.
So... the hour is late and I'm tired. I've got a lot of cool comments still to go and MORE cool ones that I'm SURE will be filling my comments section over the next few days. I'm taking off for now...
But when I come back I WILL be talking about porn chicks... first order of business.
And now, hit play and listen to Kanye JAM... and one of you can read deeper... so very deeper.
Love this song. KEEP YOUR LOVE LOCKED DOWN!!! LOCK IT DOWN!!! YOU LOSE!! YOU LOOOOOOOSE!!!!
Man's a prophet.
Of course, I'm talking about The Shield and Boston Legal. Obviously, some executive uttered those very words above and pulled the plug.
What? The fuck did you think I was talking aboot?
(isn't there, like, a nice long confessional email coming my way? Aren't those things obligatory? Just wondering.)
This'll be a TV-centric sort of entry, starting with a show that won't be getting killed for a while, it just started... and it's actually good!!
So, who watches Fringe? I do.
Which is funny since I absolutely refuse to ever go NEAR Heroes and I will only watch Lost when the entire series, end to end, shows up on DVD and then I will watch it nonstop and try to figure shit out on my own in one fell swoop. But I like Fringe for four reasons:
1) I get the sense that the old nutty professor guy is some classically trained theater goon straight out of England who is just collecting a paycheck and having an absolute ball playing an old nutty professor guy. And yes, I am too fucking lazy to go look it up. I'm sure one of you will straighten me out with his life story in the comments.
2) So far I've spotted two former inmates of Oz and I'm just tickled that these guys are getting work. Dean Winters DEMANDS steady work, yo.
3) Joshua Jackson used to annoy the shit out of me, but the same sarcastic, arrogant, "I'm smarter than everyone else" bullshit he used on Dawson's Creek works here, now that he's all grown up. Of course, it's an added bonus that since he's playing more or less Pacey as a grown up, he's showing that he really doesn't have... like... ANY acting range. But the part suits him fine.
4) And finally... here is the lead actress, named Anna Torv:
And here is well-known porno chick Aurora Snow:
Dudes... they are... like... SISTERS!!
So now I watch Anna Torv on Fringe and just wonder if she has her "sister's" gaping twin holes...
(and brother... if you've never seen Aurora Snow in action... man... she is the first porn chick that I KNOW I would have no shot at satisfying. Just... black holes there... bottomless pits... you literally could drop your car keys in there and they WOULD be lost forever. She'd make a great drug mule. No swallowing necessary.
But I like Fringe and its slow turning grand storyline. And who is the bald guy?
NOTE: Now I'm going to go heavy into The Shield. If you didn't watch the show, or Boston Legal, I suggest you dump down to the comments part... or just go away, this blog ain't for you this time around.
Anyway, including the guy who created the show, there have been non-stop comparisons to The Shield and The Sopranos. Well, I'm here to say STOP IT!!
Jeeze.
So, The Sopranos was a character study. That's all it was. The conceit, and it was a genius idea, was to take the cliche of a generic Italian mob boss, one seen only thousands of times in thousands of movies, and examine his homelife. Its as if Coppella showed us Don Corleone having to go home and learn that young Sonny was expelled from another high school and young Fredo was caught jacking off to old copies of "Playboy" with his mother's panties as a tissue.
And then David Chase went even further and gave his Mob Boss panic attacks, therefore using a therapist to probe any and all guilt he may have for being such a criminal.
But The Sopranos was a character study. Other than Tony's weight, exactly what changed about this crew from episode one to the zap to black finale? Nothing, and that was Chase's best achievement, he wasn't looking to arc anything, the plotlines for each season were just a natural act of momentum to keep us watching. This show was putting a cliched character and fleshing him out to make him completely human, something that has never been done before.
If you ask me, the best thing about The Sopranos is that it changed the way mob movies should be made forever. Chase showed us how far they could go with this genre.
And again, it was just about peeling the layers of these characters and making them your next door neighbors. And once he was finished, he cut to black. Tony being whacked on camera would've meant plot development, a conclusion. This was a character study, and we learned all there was to know about these people. There is NO changing the Sopranos, it was just about who they were. And when David Chase ran out of different ways to explore the life of Tony Soprano, he went to black.
Now The Shield, on the other hand...
For one of my favorite readers "Porn Valley":
"I have every right to hose down my sidewalk. If a crack ho happens to get wet, that's life."
From episode one Shawn Ryan knew what the end result would be, maybe not in its full detail, but he knew the main beats. His greatest conceit, and it was in itself a genius move, was to spend seven seasons making us root for Vic Mackey, the guy who put a bullet in the face of another cop at the end of the very first episode.
When he orchestrated a massive money heist, ripping off the Armenian mob, which resulted in many people dying, we hoped he wouldn't get caught.
When Dutch caught a small whiff of his involvement in this, and slowly started putting the pieces together, we hoped for Vic to get Dutch looking in another direction.
And when they finally sent a near psychotic, obsessed bulldog of a Internal Affairs Officer after him, we couldn't wait to see Vic slap him down.
The hero of the series was the dirtiest cop to ever be televised... that was the beauty of The Shield, and that's the ONLY way its related to The Sopranos.
But The Shield isn't a character study, it's a seven volume novel. I'm watching the whole series right now, currently halfway through the Glenn Close season, and by watching it as one continual series, you can see the build up. This show started with all its characters locked down tight, what this show was about was PLOT. It was 100% plot driven, one episode bled into the next, one season evolved into the next. Every character got a storyline, every plotline served a greater purpose, and everything... fucking EVERYTHING had repercussions.
In a way, The Shield is a lot like the Harry Potter books. one giant story broken down in seven parts. Never looking back, never stopping, never stagnating.
Oh sure, some arcs ended early, but that's just because Shawn Ryan needed all his eggs centered around Vic Mackey and his Strike Team as he headed towards the finish line. Julian, the deeply closeted, deeply religious black cop spent three seasons fighting off his gay tendencies and ignoring the fact that he couldn't... there wasn't much more they could do with him on that end so they ended his part by placing his moral codes up against Mackey's lack of.
David Aceveda, the brilliant politician, wishy washy Police Captain, and plain mediocre cop, his true arc started in season three (forced to mouthfuck a crack head in a scene that made even ME drop my fucking jaw and say, "Holy shit, they let that get on CABLE TV???), which evolved to a disturbing progression in season four where he started paying a high-end call girl to indulge his hardcore rough sex fetishes, which tied into the last two seasons where he had to save his political career when Mackey got a hold of a picture of Aceveda with said crackhead cock in his mouth.
It all progresses.
Anyway, the people didn't change, but the relationships did, and none more sever then the one between Vic and Shane. These guys started out the very best of friends, brothers beyond the badge, and true partners in crime, and because of a girl... a GIRL... oh, and a grenade in the lap of the one guy on the Strike team that was actually 100% decent.
Vic's mistake is that he thought Shane could always be controlled. Shane's mistake was that he thought he could do what Vic does. Shane's wife thought he didn't need Vic.
And just to drive this point home, they gave us one last conversation between the two where Shane tried to fuck with Vic's head with one last blackmail attempt. Vic proved to be one step ahead again by laughing at him and bragging about signing a full immunity contract with the Feds. Shane got mad and tried to enrage Vic by bragging about how Vic's wife was helping the police catch him. Rather then go off, Vic absorbed it, kept his cool, and promised Shane that while Daddy was i prison, he would take his son to Disneyland every year and tell him all about what a fuck-up his father was.
And it was Shane who freaked out. He tried to out-Vic the master and lost... so badly that he chose a murder-suicide (and yeah, Ryan says he got the idea from Chris Benoit) over Vic's scenario. Watch the first five seasons, it was always Vic and Shane first. To have it end like this, a natural dissolution.
And it wasn't the first time Shane tried things on his own. In season four, with the Strike team disbanded, Shane tried to Mackey it up against an OG drug lord named Antwon Mitchell, and ended up with a dead girl killed by his gun. Mackey needed to bail him out. Foreshadowing.
This show, The Shield, was like a stack of dominoes, in season one a piece was pushed. And they never stopped falling.
But the last show... no zap to black here, things demanded an ending, we deserved an ending, and we got it... huge...
First of all, the best actors on this show (and god damn they were all brilliant), wasn't Michael Chiklis. Wasn't Dutch (although he was a fucking great character... better then everyone else but not as good as he thought, and more fragile then he ever let on... the beta dog who thought he was an alpha). And it wasn't Benito Martinez (although it is fun hearing the DVD commentary of him and Shawn Ryan talk over his blowjob scene as if they were watching him shop for groceries. Amazingly awkward) either. No, the two best actors were Walt Goggins, Shane... who proved it for the last three seasons... and CCH Pounder, who was given two major scenes in the last show which just slammed home the fact for us.
It was Claudette who HAD to be the one to show Vic what his final legacy as a cop would be. It was Claudette who HAD to confront Vic. She was the only good cop pure enough, righteous enough, and strong enough to give up the final showdown against the dirtiest cop on TV.
And she almost nailed him. Not with a confession, not with a flood of tears, but with the last ramifications of his actions... both with his former best friend and with his most loyal partner...
(and poor Ronnie ((which will be the very last time you will see me type those two words, for reasons that having nothing to do with this fucking show))... got his face burned off for the team, did everything he was asked to do with nary a complaint, gave his trust 100% to Vic and never wavered, was told point blank by Forest Whitaker that he was the most careful member of the team and it won't make a difference in the end ((which AGAIN, proves Ryan knew what he wanted from the get-go)), never let his faith waver even a bit, and ended up being the one guy to pay the law for the crimes of his crew. Someone had to go down for all this, why not the guy who got maybe two pages worth of lines for the first few years)
... thrown in his face, right before he was thrown out of the precinct... and the brotherhood in blue, for good. All the good he did was gone. Disgraced.
And sent to hell.
So, let's wrap up this with the smile. The last moment of the show, we saw Vic take his gun out of his desk safe, smile, and put it in its usual spot at the small of his back before walking out. He was consigned to three years of desk work for the feds, in a suit and tie, under miserable fluorescent lights, and under orders to type out five ten page reports on gang activity... single spaced... each week for three years. Shawn Ryan says that Chiklis improvised the smile and he kept it in.
What was the smile? A smile of victory? That he got out from all his bad deeds? That he can be a free man after the next three years and fuck them all, he got away with it? Maybe.
Me? I think the smile was the start of a new book, one last volume, or the start of a new series of volumes. Oh hell no, not anything that we'll ever see, because its clear this show is done... but both Chiklis and Ryan wanted to honor our love for this corrupt, sociopathic cop that we couldn't help but root for.
The smile was Vic starting a new plan. He lost everything but his gun. That's enough to start with.
The show wasn't about to change anyone. No one received redemption. Like I said, these characters were already fully fleshed out before the first scene.
So of course, Mackey would start planning on how to get out of three years of desk duty.
Oh... and I didn't get into the show until season five, and I picked up the first four season DVDs right away so I could catch up. Guess who talked me into it?
Gloomchen. Go figure.
Meanwhile, snuggled away on lonely ol' Monday nights, Boston Legal had its final episode...
And it sucked.
No, it fucking REEKED.
Rather then provide a fitting ending which honored the characters, especially Denny Crane who spent the last five years telling us that his legacy was his firm, and his name. So, when they sold the firm to the Japs, who demanded that Denny be fired and took his name OFF the Lawfirm, what did Denny do?
He went and got married to his best friend, Alan Shore... all so David Kelly could write one more lecture on same sex marriages and why they are good...
I was insulted, and pissed. But I've gone on and on about TV for now... so I'll get into this at another date if you all want to bullshit about it.
And John Larroquette was hilarious 15 years ago on Night Court, now he's just another boring actor who I don't like.
Betty White is the BOMB, however... and Candice bergan makes it look so easy.
Anyway... I promised comments so let's knock off a few...
1) December 8, 2008 10:35 AM... "Cowboy" Bill Watts, y'all. said... Hey Hyatte How about another one of those 48 hour Q&A things you tried a while back?
Well Cowboy, seems that I'm a'shootin' away with every comment I respond to in this here ding, dong lil' comment Q & A... so I just 'bout figured, why bother, I'm being honest enough as it is... or at least as honest as I'mma ever gonna git. Hyuck!
And whats the deal with booking the Undertaker with that scary sumbitch mask??
2) November 14, 2008 9:55 AM... Anonymous said... Gay Turnip, I understand that writing is something you do for your own personal edification -- and that's COMPLETELY cool. But I also understand that this kind of writing is a form of exhibitionism... and an exhibitionist NEEDS an audience. 'Cause a flasher wouldn't have any fun waving his prick inside his empty apartment; that's why he hangs around the petting zoo at the neighborhood amusement park.
Conclusion? If you didn't want any of your long-time patrons to read you anymore, you would've picked a different penname. So, YES -- you're doing this for yourself, but in part you're doing this because you enjoy waving your prick at an audience.
But since a reach-around is fair play in ANY quasi-loving relationship, I'll freely admit that I've been reading your work over the years for MY personal edification: I trade you a few minutes of my time a pop, and in return I get high-quality, borderline-sociopathic humor... plus a few interesting ideas. It's a fair tradeoff -- and as long as I'm happy with the transaction, I'll stay a loyal member of the Hyatte Fan Club.
I gotta admit one thing, tho: Lately, I kinda view you more as a cautionary tale of wasted talent. You're too good for this, man. I truly hope something motivates you to escape these blogs and start waving your prick again at a bigger population pool.
A'ight?
There is nothing you said here that I can disagree with.
SEE, I'M ALWAYS SHOOTING!!!!!!!!!
3) November 14, 2008 8:27 AM... Tim said... Welcome back! Some of us appreciate when you post, no matter what you post. Take your time dude. Your core folks aren't going anywhere.
Aww shucks Tim, thank you so much. I do it all for you. You made my day! You complete me. You rule.
4) November 14, 2008 9:08 AM... tim said...actually I've changed my mind. See ya!
Oh you fucking rat jap fuck bastard!!! GO FUCK YOURSELF, TRAITOR!! I HOPE YOU DIE, DIE DIE!!
Funny enough, I get this in real life too... only from a girl.
5) December 10, 2008 5:55 PM... Patricia said... What kind of name is Gloomchen? Are you an Ewok? Fuckin' internet drama everwhere I look. Someday it'll be Saturday night. You're right, you always were.
Hello dear, and no, there is no reason why I would place your comment right here.
What do you know from Ewoks? Don't you refuse to watch Star Wars? And Buffy even though you would totally love it?
I can assure you, Gloomchen isn't reading this. Well, maybe she is but I think I have a better shot at getting a phonecall from Kelly Kelly inviting me to visit her in some hotel
Let every night be Saturday night, every day too.
What drama? Bam being a brat again?
Welcome back, unless you've already changed yer mind again.
6) December 6, 2008 8:28 PM... Trish said... Fuck you for not calling me. And for the chlamydia.
Oh trust me love, I call you a LOT of things.
You're welcome... hope it causes the hubbie's pecker to fall off... the lucky bastard.
7) December 8, 2008 5:09 AM... liefield said...
i has drew picture of you hi-eight
o
\O/
/\
Holy cow!! This computer scribble from Rob Liefeld is worth what... 20K?? I'M RICH!!! THANK YOU, DUDE!!!
8) December 8, 2008 12:31 PM... Anonymous said... You know what Hyatte? FUCK YOU. You talk a big game but don't mail me when it counts. I'm bored of waiting and sick of these fucking cryptic messages to people without you thinking FOR A FUCKING SECOND what it does to others.
As God as my witness, I have no idea who this is supposed to be... well, other then someone trying to work me... that I get, I just don't know who its supposed to be.
And I know what these cryptic messages do to other people... it bores them to tears. HA!!
9) November 17, 2008 5:28 PM... TTG said...
BOOYA!!.
Ok, since THE GREAT HYATTE is apparently leaving soon (Although he's had more retirements than Hogan and Piper COMBINED), here is a thread to celebrate Hyatte's DECADE OF ONLINE DESTRUCTION!!!
Most people don't seem to like this guy, why is that? Maybe...
-He's like Andy Kauffman, and people just don't understand him?
-He's like Simon Cowell and people are turned off by his arrogance?
-He's the greatest, and most LIFE SMARKS are bitten with a serious case of INFERIORITY COMPLEXES AND BITTERNESS??
Either way, as a SUPERIOR POSTER and confident person myself, I have the ability to "swallow my own pride", and admit that Hyatte is indeed, the KING OF THE INTERNET!. That is why in late 2003, I attempted to get a hot Portugese girl from my old job to record a sound file, seductively calling him "Christopher" over and over again. Hey, at least the effort was there. B)
So now, without further adieu (adu? adoo?? adeu?? whatever...)...
HYATTE'S TOP TEN INTERNET CONTRIBUTIONS!!
10- AAT: The gambling story (4 jacks, and GULL, which I pictured as John Cleese)
9- Leaving Scoops for greener pastures after that LIFE SMARK Remy "The Slammer" Artega went TOO FAR!!
8- AAT: What would Jesus do in WWE/WCW/ECW, classic stuff
7- Discovering that Dillinger is the ANTI-CHRIST
6- Introducing the term : LIFE SMARK to a wider audience!
5- AAT: THE TAKING OF HHH
4- Driving Sean Shannon near suicide (Sort of like I drove STYXX crazy for a while, before our love for UMAGA brought us closer)
3- The Midnight News format which most writers have copied since
2- The MOP UPS, which revolutionized recapping as we knew it
1- THE MOTHERFUCKING VILLANO JOKES!!!
Thank you Top Ten Guy, and may I say that you are the only reason I go to NPP anymore because only you seem to know just how fucking retarded those miserable, fun-sucking, nerdy, clitorally clueless Life Smarks are and I love how you remind them of their innate douchebagness every day. I admire you, sir.
10) December 4, 2008 12:43 PM ... Anonymous said...
ya know part of me feels like a tool for asking...part of me feels like I may catch some shit for this but...
Any chance that you could drop an "And Another Thing" on us in the near future?
The Mop-Ups were cool, the Midnight News changed the IWC, but above all AAT is where you really showed your talent.
Heck you squeeze out a couple more AAT's and there's your book.
Here's a few suggestions (lol)...
AAT the taking of Trish Stratus
AAT the real Chris Hyatte
AAT the rise and fall of the IWC
AAT the day Grut died...
Chris
Louisville
Thanks but... umm... I occasionally think of submitting AAT's the Meltzer (although now with that wannabe Bryan Alverez running things, it's looking less and less enticing) and sometimes ideas pop up...
But then I think, "Wrestling?? Oh God NO!" and that ends that.
As far as your suggestions:
Look, I am fairly convinced that every time a "fan" shows up at her Yoga studio looking to spend time with Trish, the girl studies the "fan" from her tinted, bullet proof office window and tries to figure out if Hyatte finally crossed into stalker mode.
And when she calls the RCMP and they take him away and they tell her he was ID'ed as.... "Mark Bodek" or "Frank Romeo" or.... "Wynn Carlson" and she says something like, "But when you asked him about CHRIS HYATTE did he jump? Flinch? I thought for SURE it was him!! This is what happens on a weekly basis. Who needs that?
Anyway, if I wrote a column/story about "Taking Trish Stratus"... I somehow doubt it would help change her mind about how harmless I really am. So no to that.
The real Chris Hyatte is a tale no one wants to read or hear about, and I have PROOF of this.
And Another Thing: The Rise and Fall of Internet Wrestling. Only seven and a half year old. At 411 Mania.
YOU HEAR THAT CSONKA, YOU BIG PHONEY LIAR!! I'M STILL ARCHIVED AT YOUR PLACE!! I'M STILL A SHADOW ON YOUR FLABBY TUCKUS!!!
And fuck Josh Grut. he died right at the moment he decided to try to steal Amanda from me, he's Shane to my Vic.
So... the hour is late and I'm tired. I've got a lot of cool comments still to go and MORE cool ones that I'm SURE will be filling my comments section over the next few days. I'm taking off for now...
But when I come back I WILL be talking about porn chicks... first order of business.
And now, hit play and listen to Kanye JAM... and one of you can read deeper... so very deeper.
Love this song. KEEP YOUR LOVE LOCKED DOWN!!! LOCK IT DOWN!!! YOU LOSE!! YOU LOOOOOOOSE!!!!
Man's a prophet.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Properly Motivated
So umm... I fell asleep. And... well... I have only certain times when I am available to do this. And... hmmmph....
Maybe... just maybe I should stop promising when I'll be back and just come back when I'm able. And inspired.
Wrestling:
I don't watch wrestling anymore, not really, but I DID re-subscribe to the In Demand 24/7 service. Just $7.
I get it for the PPV replays that run four months after the live airing.
The thing is, WWE is such a weasel-like bunch of dimwits and short-thinkers... I just KNOW they will cancel this part of the package once PPV buys drop too low. "Let the marks watch it when its LIVE!", someone will shout, "Or they can pay for the damn DVD!!" Fuck the cheapos who give them $7-$12 a month for 20 year old WCW Saturday shows. We'll suffer.
Short sighted thinking. They do it time and time again.
Take, for instance, Brock Lesnar:
You know what I love about Brock Lesnar? Well, other than the fact that he's pretty much a massive heel due to how he bigfooted over everyone to score a UFC title shot -and then WIN the fuckin' thing over this guy, Randy Couture, who is... like... UFC's version of Ric Flair or something. Just steamrolled over the fucker, he did.
NO, what I like is that Brock, after bombing at a pro football attempt, and seeing no career that his long-ass, no compete contract with the WWE wouldn't prohibit, he and his lawyers concocted a plan, a plan which COULD ONLY WORK if WWE, John Laurenitus, and Vince McMahon did what Brock knew they would.
So he walked into WWE headquarters, hat in hand, and asked for his job back.
And Vince offered him a contract significantly lower than what he had before. Just like Lesnar KNEW they would do.
So Lesnar and his lawyers ran to court and demanded to be released from his no-compete contract. They cited how WWE lowballed him with a new contract and asked the Judge, "What has changed since his last contract?? How did he become so undervalued?? And how can Brock find competitive work that will pay him what he's worth?"
The Judge agreed, asked WWE what the deal was, the WWE basically said, "Homina, homina," and asked for more time. The Judge gave them a deadline, the WWE probably decided that to fight this would force them to demonstrate how they pay their Independent Contractors and open their REAL books to the judge (and to the general public. with details that you just can't find on their corporate shareholders' website, and gave him his freedom.
And he is now the MMA's biggest star. Loved, hated. People will pay lots of money to watch him.
And because of that, the WWE will probably eliminate running recent PPVs on their cable channel. Buyrates will flatline and the loyal viewers will suffer. Will be made to PAY!!! DEARLY!!
You know, when it comes down to it, McMahon shows, on a weekly basis, just how much contempt he has for his loyal customers. All carny promoters do. I mean, what is a "mark" but someone who can be conned into giving up all their money.
Their problem (if you can call it a problem) is that they are trying, desperately trying, to pull off old school con games on the entire world, fan or not, then get mad when non-fans don't pay attention. The story of Jeff Hardy being found near dead in his Hotel in Boston went all but ignored by the mainstream media, (CNN and ABC did NOT report on it, contrary to what they say.) So they claim it was a national news story anyway. Because fans... MARKS... will believe anything they say, because we don't pay attention to the news.
And their hardcore fans... heh... might not. Have you SEEN who has accounts on their new "WWE MySpace" set-up? Thing is, the REAL audience they want love from sees right through their con, is creeped out by the company, and stays away in droves.
Between bankruptcy and the offer of FREE advertising on WWE programming... I'd bet the good people who run GM would take bankruptcy in a heartbeat.
And that's why UFC has all their "heat" now. It's okay to be a public fan of UFC. Other then two very brief periods in the 80's and the 90's, it was always better for wrestling fans to be nice and ashamed.
Really, how made adults do you see with John Cena t-shirts these days?
Once upon a time, you tuned to Raw every Monday because you did not know what was going to happen. There was a sense of complete excitement. And this was in the HEIGHT of the Internet craze so everyone knew what was going on, still, we couldn't WAIT to see what they would do this week.
You just don't get that anymore.
******
Scooter:
Want to know what separates Scooter from... well, me?
He writes very professionally. All the commas are properly placed and he knows exactly when the ...'s belong. He just has zero imagination.
I, on the other hand, write like a fifth grader but have an OCEAN filled with DEVESTATING imagination.
His lack of any real creativity will keep him stuck recapping old wrestling shows for the rest of his life. My lack of any real ambition keeps me right here.
I need a muse.
*****
I had more, but not really. I think I've not been running to this blog every day to write something because I don't have anything to write, not solely from my mind. However, their are TONS of comments that have been made over the last few blogs that can open up things nicely. So, before I decided "fuck this, they can wait two more days..."
1) November 19, 2008 10:53 AM... Anonymous said... "Mikey, HAD you actually posted a picture of me I WOULD have left the Internet." Jeez, just how ugly IS Hyatte!? Probably not THAT much... just sorta funny lookin' in a minor yet notable way. Hey, no biggie... you're rotten on the inside, Hyatte, which is why we love ya.
No, you misunderstand. My point was that I am/was SO CONFIDENT that there is no WAY a real picture of me is available online that I told the cocksucker that I'd leave the net forever if he dug one up. He SAID he did (convienently gone now, of course), but he can't... because he wouldn't have access to any.
Fuckin' Gloomchen... big mouth. I knew I was doing the right thing when I gave her that fake pic. I knew it would spread like a small wildfire.
I am perfectly normal fellow with a body that SHOULD... and COULD... resemble a younger, taller version of Michael Chiklis. I just gotta run more and lay off the Big Macs. And Chiklis is your classic fat guy working like hell to stay thin. That's a small part of six years of The Shield that I always liked, watching the silent, deadly war Chiklis waged privately trying to keep his body from going lard-assed.
2) November 19, 2008 7:02 PM... rites said... I signed up at NPP and I can't post. Fail.
Generally, newbies are pissed on quite a bit over there. Scotsman wants new members, but no one else there does. And you have to know everyone's entire life story and history there or they'll reject you. It's a gay little xenophobic society.
But Ormberg's a hoot. Anyone remember the movie "Meatballs"? Remember Spazz? Ormberg's just like Spazz. Or Poindexter from the "Revenge of the Nerds" movies. eah, he's the type who will scream, "AHHHGH" whenever he pops wood.
3) November 23, 2008 6:10 AM... Anonymous said... Look I know what this is about, and you had your reasons. Pedro was never in on it. Say whatever you want to, neither he nor Claudio even KNEW the farm existed. Or what was going on in the planetarium. If you really want to piss me off, you'll do what you've always done and bury it. Along with all the other cans of tunafish. You and I both know how this will end, and you'd be a fool to think it's not going to come around by Lincoln's birthday. See, Hyatte? I can do it TOO! You totally have no idea what I'm talking about! I'm Mysterious, like Batman, but with five additional secret identities! NaNaNaNanNaNaNa HY-ATTE!
Nah, you strike me more as a Spawn kinda guy... your heyday was ten years ago and you're constantly brooding (aw, SNAP!) Plus you're in love with a black chick who's eternally disgusted by your appearance (Oh!) and you were really only worth reading during the Clinton administration (now that's below the belt, sir!)
Nah, keep up the good work. Feel free to secret notatize until even YOU don't know what you're referring to.
Oh I HATED Spawn. Couldn't stand Todd McFarlane either. I love Rob Liefield tho'. I love how his art is so bad that even I could see the fuck ups. How he could never keep any characters height straight. Sometimes they were 4 foot tall, and sometimes they were staring Cable eye to eye. I also love how he draws one facial expression that represents shock, outrage, screaming, yelling, or surprise. It's the wide opened hanging jaw look.
Here's a classic Liefeld drawing, so obnoxious and appalling that its pretty much his "White Album" of bad poses:
And he was paid millions for this work.
I ALSO love how Liefield used to take 8 issues to tell a story that really only needed 5, and how the only consistency he has shown is how hiring him to draw for your series virtually GUARENTEES that your shot at a steady monthly comic is all but doomed. He never makes a deadline... ever.
But he's still sought after, he's rich, and he likes to shoot his mouth off. If I was still part of the comic book crowd (turned my membership card in a LOOOONG time ago), I'd be hating him. Or shaking my head at anything with his name on it.
Or, to put it more succinctly, according to some website called Progressive Boink with a essay called "The 40 worst Rob Liefeld drawings"...
Rob Liefeld is still getting commissioned to do work for both major comics publishers. He is one of the most successful, recognizable, well-known and popular comic book artists in history despite being difficult to work with, egotistical, contrary and missing deadlines on a consistent basis. He has made more money than most of us will ever see in our lifetimes. He still cannot draw a foot.
God Bless America.
4) November 23, 2008 11:30 AM... graydaloomer said...
Your reality is hard to distinguish, so as you have asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN- I just don't try anymore.
Aside from that- aren't you like 40 or so? You haven't settled down YET? Jeezus man, either you are a really late bloomer, or you're closeted.
Did you get rid of the bird?
Is this all really NoSoul?
No, I am not Erik Ashley AKA NoSoul.
And the bird is sitting on my shoulder as I type this.
I am neither a really late bloomer NOR... FOR CHRISSAKES NOR am I closeted. I thought about doing guys and... just can't fathom it. I like girls... girls with pussies... and boobs.
So, not only am I not a late bloomer or a closeted homosexual, but I am not posting comments as "graydaloomer" either... which means I don't think like you, or have the same ethics, or morals as you. I don't believe the things you believe in.
And I don't give a fuck if I'm SUPPOSED to be settled down with someone by the time I reach 40. I don't play by those rules.
Here are the rules I play by: I want to do what I want, when I want, and how I want. I do NOT want to be handing over half my hard earned savings to my wife after 10-20 years of marriage in a divorce which I KNOW I'll be getting because I KNOW what sort of person I am. I know who I attract, who I am attracted to, and what the end result will be.
I've been alone my whole life. It's the life I'm used to. It's the life I'm comfortable in. I have no responsibilities other then to myself and to this fucking parrot of mine. In this FRIGHTENING American economy, I am thanking my lucky stars I just have me to worry about because people are getting laid off by the thousands each week and those people have children to feed and clothe and medicate. Trust me, I am breathing a sigh of relief.
Is it all perfect? Nope. This time of the year is particularly rough... but its a small pain for a life of general contentment.
Besides, I believe in true love... and I found it once, actually, she found me... but.... well...
Anywhoo... don't tell me what I SHOULD be doing, my friend (and I'm not insulted or mad at all, just telling you what's what). I'm alone but not lonely. Its been so loing since I've been lonely I forgot what it feels like.
Daddy's fine, and he's NOT adhering to these supposed "rules that Normal People abide by"
5) November 23, 2008 8:45 PM... Anonymous said... Just one trip to Bangkok or Manila,my man. You'll never look back. Abe
Bangkok? At what point in my entire 11 year online existence did I give any indication that I was into young boys?
6) November 24, 2008 3:44 PM... Anonymous said... With all due respect, I think the mighty Hyatte has finally jumped the shark. I'll give you props for lasting through half a dozen websites, no web presence at all, a couple different blogs. But this marriage "angle".... I dunno.
I hope you don't take offense to this. It's not meant that way. Just being truthful.
It's okay. But let's be real... I jumped the shark a loooooong time ago. I just had the good sense to give it one more year (closer to two, really) at a completely different venue to a completely different audience (DOI) and then *click POW* I put a bullet in the column and STAYED DEAD.
I mean, remember, I ended every DOI column with a number... starting at 50 and going backwards. I always knew where I was going... as far as free labor was concerned.
You didn't like the marriage... angle (ugh, can we STOP with the fucking carny talk... PLEASE). It's cool, I reckon lots of readers didn't.
Well, the good news is its over. I'll never announce a surprise marriage in these pages again. Cool? Now sit on it, Cunningham... AYYYYE!!!
7) November 24, 2008 9:49 PM... Ed Leslie's Face said... Isn't this something Sean Shannon would do?
Oh Sean would lay thick the whole "Woe is me, can't a pre-op transgender catch a BREAK??" trip and then cry about how lonely he is and how he goes and does that DDR thing at his local arcade and everyone is creeped out by him.
Plus, I'm pretty sure he would announce a marriage to a man, and then use it as a forum to gripe about Gay rights.
8) November 24, 2008 11:35 PM... Anonymous said... you all are so clever, honestly. for the record, i am actually a friend of hyatte's. THAT'S RIGHT. the man whose dick you all suck. so shut the fuck up.
ps: honestly, if you're going to impersonate me, at least use correct punctuation. i don't capitalize, but come on.
pps: im a twenty year old female in college and hyatte's the shit.
Folks, Alli is a girl I've known for years and years now. Her boyfriend at the time once decided to bomb me with nasty little AIM flooding programs whenever I logged on, then bragged about it to her. She decided to harrass me too... but I charmed her so completely that she decided she liked ME more then her own boyfriend, and dumped him.
BUT... she doesn't LIKE me like she wants to fuck my balls off... she likes me as a person. And we remain good, PLATONIC friends. I lecture her on the benefits of a good breakfast and she complains about... oh I can't go there.
I'm like her mentor, I tell her what guys are thinking. I give her advice, she calls me an idiot and doesn't listen, then she comes back a few days later looking for new advice. It's how we roll.
Oh, and she is halfway through her four year run at RUTGERS... which makes her at least just as smart as anyone else here, and probably smarter than most.
And last year, she decided that she likes the... oh dammit, I can't say that either. Let's just say she discovered the advatages to wearing tight t-shirts and leave it at that.
9) November 23, 2008 6:02 PM... Percy pringle's penis said... And this is moderated? Jeez. BTW Hy, we all knew the marriage was fake. The reason why was always more interesting. Oh, and Trish has been making comments about her fakes online. Convinced?
Convinced of what?
This is a lose/lose scenario for me. I can't convince anyone of who I talk to and no one would believe me anyway. People actually get ENRAGED about it.
The deal is that Trish is very, VERY protective of her professional image, so she goes above and beyond to keep Trish Stratus separated from the girl I've talked to for SEVEN YEARS now. Not just me either, she has tons of Facebook and MySpace friends who must be seriously confused as to who they are talking to.
Basically, Trish is now "official" on MySpace and talking about fakes just so if someone... ME... decides to post e-mails and chat transcripts revealing a much different girl, she can dismiss it easily as a fake. And there is no proof for anyone to disagree.
We never talked about this, and I'm not sure she reads this, but thems the facts and she's probably a bit surprised that I know of this escape plan she had. I've known it for years. Its to keep Hyatte from causing trouble. Yerah, she might not have known that I was aware of this, but she ALWAYS underestimated my perceptiveness. Its one of her few flaws... just a few tho'.
The only thing that bugs me is that she totally submitted to her "official" Myspace page and got rid of everything else, including her e-mail and Facebook page. Now she gets tens of thousands of marks telling her how great she is. I didn't think she needed that re-assurance. Must be lonely. Married life must not be all its cracked up to be.
By the way, her first order of business was to BEG her fans to vote her "Hottest Girl on TV" for something called the "Gemini" awards. Which is the Canadian Emmys... although the "Emmys" never had a category for Hottest anything... they just award performances. Canada must need filler material.
And by the way, she lost the award to someone else... possibly someone younger. The marks failed her - both from Myspace and her WWE page - FAILED HER.
If this is the girl I know, she'll brush it off, but those long blogs they get will get shorter and shorter... and fewer and further between. I know the girl, this will be what happens.
Anyway, to answer your question... I am convinced, but not in the way you think, its just nothing I have any chance of convincing anyone of. Even if I released a video of her and me fucking, people still wouldn't believe it.
And besides, if I wanted to burn her and expose her, I would have already... and would have done a good job too. I don't really want to. She and I had a nice relationship and she got just as much out of it as I did. End of story.
She really shouldn't beg people for a silly award tho'. Makes her look really, really bad. Sorry, kid.
10) November 24, 2008 4:09 PM... November 24, 2008 4:09 PM... Anonymous said... Why does this blog suddenly resemble the movie "Desperately Seeking Susan?" It's like reading the personals in the local hook up rag. Wow Hyatte, your long time fans need, nay, we DESERVE an explination that makes FUCKING SENSE! Oh and Happy Thanksgiving.
Desperately Seeking Susan?? HO HOOOO! THE EIGHTIES CALLED, MY BROTHA'!!! THEY SAID COME ON OVER TO THE OUGHTS!! ITS NICE UP HERE IN THE FUTURE! WE GOT US AN ACTUAL HALF-NEGRO PRESIDENT NOW!!
The married thing... hmm... wow. It was an experiment. I was dreadfully late with a blog... well, not really since I'm on no schedule... I hadn't posted anything in a while and I just wanted to see what would happen if I announced it.
And by the way, you tools... I've known about 5 girls named Chantelle in my life and ALL of them were pretty much whiter than Hannah Montana. Get OUT more, yo.
And then I saw this as an opportunity to fuck with someones head (yes, that element is there, alas), much like mine was fucked with not too long ago and a few times since.
And most of all, I got to not post for a while and then come back all cryptic and flustered and confused and fly by the seat of my pants and all that.
THEN I thought about it and said, "Hmm, well the natural thing to happen here, if this was real, was that one of us would suddenly realize what a huge, misguided thing this was and BAIL." Since I have always been more comfortable writing myself as the shmuck, I sent her off and openly begged for her to come back here in this blog.
And then... I decided that more of you probably didn't believe it, and the concept had almost ran its course, and I really didn't want to take it further. So I killed it and confessed. Pretty much it, guys.
The point is, as noted in one of the posts above, this will never be a blog where I go on and on about my weekend, or my work, or the quiff I'm banging, or where I'm eating, or how AWESOME my life is and how EVERYTHING works out for me (like that cocksucker fairybeard Alex Lucard... or any given WWE wrestler Myspace blog). To me, that's faker then anything I write.
And then there is the extreme opposite of this, which is Sean Shannon's blog. I can't go there either. No self pity here, boyo. Nope.
I just want to do what I do and experiment and fuck around and have no rules or no themes and just... just... RAMBLE.
And the smarter ones will pick up a glimpse or two of raw, actual incite. Oh, its there.
So, if I pissed you off about the marriage thing, sorry. But it only lasted... three blogs. Four? I'm too lazy to go and look to the left of this page and see.
11) November 24, 2008 12:13 PM... Anonymous said... good one, I was on the fence about whether it was real or a hoax but amusing nonetheless. Anyways, since this is just going to you, I wanted to remind you that my show Storm Chasers is on, it's on youtube as well if you just want to check out a bit. Just if you are curious about a long time reader, I'm in the TIV, the tank, on the show. Looking forward to the next blog.
B
Thank you, Turk. Everyone be sure to check out your show THIS SUMDAY when it gets a whole afternoon/evening to itself. The Storm Chasers Marathon, from 3-11 pm est, ONLY on the Discovery Channel.
You all can flip during the football commercials.
Am I done yet? I think so. Hmm... maybe one last thing...
To YOU....I know, you're trying to wean yourself off this... but I also know this is the first thing you check out whenever you log on... so watch this and remember to miss me...
Girl knows her shit. And she puts her SOUL into it. So did I, baby.
So did I. Hope you still have that Panic Button around.
Anyway, comments are back on (I just didn't want to hear you griping) and moderation is OFF. OFF!! Comment freely and get your instantaneous gratification!! But they are OFF... so anyone have anything they need to say to me in private, you're just going to have to find a different way.
Sho' nuff.
Laters.
Maybe... just maybe I should stop promising when I'll be back and just come back when I'm able. And inspired.
Wrestling:
I don't watch wrestling anymore, not really, but I DID re-subscribe to the In Demand 24/7 service. Just $7.
I get it for the PPV replays that run four months after the live airing.
The thing is, WWE is such a weasel-like bunch of dimwits and short-thinkers... I just KNOW they will cancel this part of the package once PPV buys drop too low. "Let the marks watch it when its LIVE!", someone will shout, "Or they can pay for the damn DVD!!" Fuck the cheapos who give them $7-$12 a month for 20 year old WCW Saturday shows. We'll suffer.
Short sighted thinking. They do it time and time again.
Take, for instance, Brock Lesnar:
You know what I love about Brock Lesnar? Well, other than the fact that he's pretty much a massive heel due to how he bigfooted over everyone to score a UFC title shot -and then WIN the fuckin' thing over this guy, Randy Couture, who is... like... UFC's version of Ric Flair or something. Just steamrolled over the fucker, he did.
NO, what I like is that Brock, after bombing at a pro football attempt, and seeing no career that his long-ass, no compete contract with the WWE wouldn't prohibit, he and his lawyers concocted a plan, a plan which COULD ONLY WORK if WWE, John Laurenitus, and Vince McMahon did what Brock knew they would.
So he walked into WWE headquarters, hat in hand, and asked for his job back.
And Vince offered him a contract significantly lower than what he had before. Just like Lesnar KNEW they would do.
So Lesnar and his lawyers ran to court and demanded to be released from his no-compete contract. They cited how WWE lowballed him with a new contract and asked the Judge, "What has changed since his last contract?? How did he become so undervalued?? And how can Brock find competitive work that will pay him what he's worth?"
The Judge agreed, asked WWE what the deal was, the WWE basically said, "Homina, homina," and asked for more time. The Judge gave them a deadline, the WWE probably decided that to fight this would force them to demonstrate how they pay their Independent Contractors and open their REAL books to the judge (and to the general public. with details that you just can't find on their corporate shareholders' website, and gave him his freedom.
And he is now the MMA's biggest star. Loved, hated. People will pay lots of money to watch him.
And because of that, the WWE will probably eliminate running recent PPVs on their cable channel. Buyrates will flatline and the loyal viewers will suffer. Will be made to PAY!!! DEARLY!!
You know, when it comes down to it, McMahon shows, on a weekly basis, just how much contempt he has for his loyal customers. All carny promoters do. I mean, what is a "mark" but someone who can be conned into giving up all their money.
Their problem (if you can call it a problem) is that they are trying, desperately trying, to pull off old school con games on the entire world, fan or not, then get mad when non-fans don't pay attention. The story of Jeff Hardy being found near dead in his Hotel in Boston went all but ignored by the mainstream media, (CNN and ABC did NOT report on it, contrary to what they say.) So they claim it was a national news story anyway. Because fans... MARKS... will believe anything they say, because we don't pay attention to the news.
And their hardcore fans... heh... might not. Have you SEEN who has accounts on their new "WWE MySpace" set-up? Thing is, the REAL audience they want love from sees right through their con, is creeped out by the company, and stays away in droves.
Between bankruptcy and the offer of FREE advertising on WWE programming... I'd bet the good people who run GM would take bankruptcy in a heartbeat.
And that's why UFC has all their "heat" now. It's okay to be a public fan of UFC. Other then two very brief periods in the 80's and the 90's, it was always better for wrestling fans to be nice and ashamed.
Really, how made adults do you see with John Cena t-shirts these days?
Once upon a time, you tuned to Raw every Monday because you did not know what was going to happen. There was a sense of complete excitement. And this was in the HEIGHT of the Internet craze so everyone knew what was going on, still, we couldn't WAIT to see what they would do this week.
You just don't get that anymore.
******
Scooter:
Want to know what separates Scooter from... well, me?
He writes very professionally. All the commas are properly placed and he knows exactly when the ...'s belong. He just has zero imagination.
I, on the other hand, write like a fifth grader but have an OCEAN filled with DEVESTATING imagination.
His lack of any real creativity will keep him stuck recapping old wrestling shows for the rest of his life. My lack of any real ambition keeps me right here.
I need a muse.
*****
I had more, but not really. I think I've not been running to this blog every day to write something because I don't have anything to write, not solely from my mind. However, their are TONS of comments that have been made over the last few blogs that can open up things nicely. So, before I decided "fuck this, they can wait two more days..."
1) November 19, 2008 10:53 AM... Anonymous said... "Mikey, HAD you actually posted a picture of me I WOULD have left the Internet." Jeez, just how ugly IS Hyatte!? Probably not THAT much... just sorta funny lookin' in a minor yet notable way. Hey, no biggie... you're rotten on the inside, Hyatte, which is why we love ya.
No, you misunderstand. My point was that I am/was SO CONFIDENT that there is no WAY a real picture of me is available online that I told the cocksucker that I'd leave the net forever if he dug one up. He SAID he did (convienently gone now, of course), but he can't... because he wouldn't have access to any.
Fuckin' Gloomchen... big mouth. I knew I was doing the right thing when I gave her that fake pic. I knew it would spread like a small wildfire.
I am perfectly normal fellow with a body that SHOULD... and COULD... resemble a younger, taller version of Michael Chiklis. I just gotta run more and lay off the Big Macs. And Chiklis is your classic fat guy working like hell to stay thin. That's a small part of six years of The Shield that I always liked, watching the silent, deadly war Chiklis waged privately trying to keep his body from going lard-assed.
2) November 19, 2008 7:02 PM... rites said... I signed up at NPP and I can't post. Fail.
Generally, newbies are pissed on quite a bit over there. Scotsman wants new members, but no one else there does. And you have to know everyone's entire life story and history there or they'll reject you. It's a gay little xenophobic society.
But Ormberg's a hoot. Anyone remember the movie "Meatballs"? Remember Spazz? Ormberg's just like Spazz. Or Poindexter from the "Revenge of the Nerds" movies. eah, he's the type who will scream, "AHHHGH" whenever he pops wood.
3) November 23, 2008 6:10 AM... Anonymous said... Look I know what this is about, and you had your reasons. Pedro was never in on it. Say whatever you want to, neither he nor Claudio even KNEW the farm existed. Or what was going on in the planetarium. If you really want to piss me off, you'll do what you've always done and bury it. Along with all the other cans of tunafish. You and I both know how this will end, and you'd be a fool to think it's not going to come around by Lincoln's birthday. See, Hyatte? I can do it TOO! You totally have no idea what I'm talking about! I'm Mysterious, like Batman, but with five additional secret identities! NaNaNaNanNaNaNa HY-ATTE!
Nah, you strike me more as a Spawn kinda guy... your heyday was ten years ago and you're constantly brooding (aw, SNAP!) Plus you're in love with a black chick who's eternally disgusted by your appearance (Oh!) and you were really only worth reading during the Clinton administration (now that's below the belt, sir!)
Nah, keep up the good work. Feel free to secret notatize until even YOU don't know what you're referring to.
Oh I HATED Spawn. Couldn't stand Todd McFarlane either. I love Rob Liefield tho'. I love how his art is so bad that even I could see the fuck ups. How he could never keep any characters height straight. Sometimes they were 4 foot tall, and sometimes they were staring Cable eye to eye. I also love how he draws one facial expression that represents shock, outrage, screaming, yelling, or surprise. It's the wide opened hanging jaw look.
Here's a classic Liefeld drawing, so obnoxious and appalling that its pretty much his "White Album" of bad poses:
And he was paid millions for this work.
I ALSO love how Liefield used to take 8 issues to tell a story that really only needed 5, and how the only consistency he has shown is how hiring him to draw for your series virtually GUARENTEES that your shot at a steady monthly comic is all but doomed. He never makes a deadline... ever.
But he's still sought after, he's rich, and he likes to shoot his mouth off. If I was still part of the comic book crowd (turned my membership card in a LOOOONG time ago), I'd be hating him. Or shaking my head at anything with his name on it.
Or, to put it more succinctly, according to some website called Progressive Boink with a essay called "The 40 worst Rob Liefeld drawings"...
Rob Liefeld is still getting commissioned to do work for both major comics publishers. He is one of the most successful, recognizable, well-known and popular comic book artists in history despite being difficult to work with, egotistical, contrary and missing deadlines on a consistent basis. He has made more money than most of us will ever see in our lifetimes. He still cannot draw a foot.
God Bless America.
4) November 23, 2008 11:30 AM... graydaloomer said...
Your reality is hard to distinguish, so as you have asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN- I just don't try anymore.
Aside from that- aren't you like 40 or so? You haven't settled down YET? Jeezus man, either you are a really late bloomer, or you're closeted.
Did you get rid of the bird?
Is this all really NoSoul?
No, I am not Erik Ashley AKA NoSoul.
And the bird is sitting on my shoulder as I type this.
I am neither a really late bloomer NOR... FOR CHRISSAKES NOR am I closeted. I thought about doing guys and... just can't fathom it. I like girls... girls with pussies... and boobs.
So, not only am I not a late bloomer or a closeted homosexual, but I am not posting comments as "graydaloomer" either... which means I don't think like you, or have the same ethics, or morals as you. I don't believe the things you believe in.
And I don't give a fuck if I'm SUPPOSED to be settled down with someone by the time I reach 40. I don't play by those rules.
Here are the rules I play by: I want to do what I want, when I want, and how I want. I do NOT want to be handing over half my hard earned savings to my wife after 10-20 years of marriage in a divorce which I KNOW I'll be getting because I KNOW what sort of person I am. I know who I attract, who I am attracted to, and what the end result will be.
I've been alone my whole life. It's the life I'm used to. It's the life I'm comfortable in. I have no responsibilities other then to myself and to this fucking parrot of mine. In this FRIGHTENING American economy, I am thanking my lucky stars I just have me to worry about because people are getting laid off by the thousands each week and those people have children to feed and clothe and medicate. Trust me, I am breathing a sigh of relief.
Is it all perfect? Nope. This time of the year is particularly rough... but its a small pain for a life of general contentment.
Besides, I believe in true love... and I found it once, actually, she found me... but.... well...
Anywhoo... don't tell me what I SHOULD be doing, my friend (and I'm not insulted or mad at all, just telling you what's what). I'm alone but not lonely. Its been so loing since I've been lonely I forgot what it feels like.
Daddy's fine, and he's NOT adhering to these supposed "rules that Normal People abide by"
5) November 23, 2008 8:45 PM... Anonymous said... Just one trip to Bangkok or Manila,my man. You'll never look back. Abe
Bangkok? At what point in my entire 11 year online existence did I give any indication that I was into young boys?
6) November 24, 2008 3:44 PM... Anonymous said... With all due respect, I think the mighty Hyatte has finally jumped the shark. I'll give you props for lasting through half a dozen websites, no web presence at all, a couple different blogs. But this marriage "angle".... I dunno.
I hope you don't take offense to this. It's not meant that way. Just being truthful.
It's okay. But let's be real... I jumped the shark a loooooong time ago. I just had the good sense to give it one more year (closer to two, really) at a completely different venue to a completely different audience (DOI) and then *click POW* I put a bullet in the column and STAYED DEAD.
I mean, remember, I ended every DOI column with a number... starting at 50 and going backwards. I always knew where I was going... as far as free labor was concerned.
You didn't like the marriage... angle (ugh, can we STOP with the fucking carny talk... PLEASE). It's cool, I reckon lots of readers didn't.
Well, the good news is its over. I'll never announce a surprise marriage in these pages again. Cool? Now sit on it, Cunningham... AYYYYE!!!
7) November 24, 2008 9:49 PM... Ed Leslie's Face said... Isn't this something Sean Shannon would do?
Oh Sean would lay thick the whole "Woe is me, can't a pre-op transgender catch a BREAK??" trip and then cry about how lonely he is and how he goes and does that DDR thing at his local arcade and everyone is creeped out by him.
Plus, I'm pretty sure he would announce a marriage to a man, and then use it as a forum to gripe about Gay rights.
8) November 24, 2008 11:35 PM... Anonymous said... you all are so clever, honestly. for the record, i am actually a friend of hyatte's. THAT'S RIGHT. the man whose dick you all suck. so shut the fuck up.
ps: honestly, if you're going to impersonate me, at least use correct punctuation. i don't capitalize, but come on.
pps: im a twenty year old female in college and hyatte's the shit.
Folks, Alli is a girl I've known for years and years now. Her boyfriend at the time once decided to bomb me with nasty little AIM flooding programs whenever I logged on, then bragged about it to her. She decided to harrass me too... but I charmed her so completely that she decided she liked ME more then her own boyfriend, and dumped him.
BUT... she doesn't LIKE me like she wants to fuck my balls off... she likes me as a person. And we remain good, PLATONIC friends. I lecture her on the benefits of a good breakfast and she complains about... oh I can't go there.
I'm like her mentor, I tell her what guys are thinking. I give her advice, she calls me an idiot and doesn't listen, then she comes back a few days later looking for new advice. It's how we roll.
Oh, and she is halfway through her four year run at RUTGERS... which makes her at least just as smart as anyone else here, and probably smarter than most.
And last year, she decided that she likes the... oh dammit, I can't say that either. Let's just say she discovered the advatages to wearing tight t-shirts and leave it at that.
9) November 23, 2008 6:02 PM... Percy pringle's penis said... And this is moderated? Jeez. BTW Hy, we all knew the marriage was fake. The reason why was always more interesting. Oh, and Trish has been making comments about her fakes online. Convinced?
Convinced of what?
This is a lose/lose scenario for me. I can't convince anyone of who I talk to and no one would believe me anyway. People actually get ENRAGED about it.
The deal is that Trish is very, VERY protective of her professional image, so she goes above and beyond to keep Trish Stratus separated from the girl I've talked to for SEVEN YEARS now. Not just me either, she has tons of Facebook and MySpace friends who must be seriously confused as to who they are talking to.
Basically, Trish is now "official" on MySpace and talking about fakes just so if someone... ME... decides to post e-mails and chat transcripts revealing a much different girl, she can dismiss it easily as a fake. And there is no proof for anyone to disagree.
We never talked about this, and I'm not sure she reads this, but thems the facts and she's probably a bit surprised that I know of this escape plan she had. I've known it for years. Its to keep Hyatte from causing trouble. Yerah, she might not have known that I was aware of this, but she ALWAYS underestimated my perceptiveness. Its one of her few flaws... just a few tho'.
The only thing that bugs me is that she totally submitted to her "official" Myspace page and got rid of everything else, including her e-mail and Facebook page. Now she gets tens of thousands of marks telling her how great she is. I didn't think she needed that re-assurance. Must be lonely. Married life must not be all its cracked up to be.
By the way, her first order of business was to BEG her fans to vote her "Hottest Girl on TV" for something called the "Gemini" awards. Which is the Canadian Emmys... although the "Emmys" never had a category for Hottest anything... they just award performances. Canada must need filler material.
And by the way, she lost the award to someone else... possibly someone younger. The marks failed her - both from Myspace and her WWE page - FAILED HER.
If this is the girl I know, she'll brush it off, but those long blogs they get will get shorter and shorter... and fewer and further between. I know the girl, this will be what happens.
Anyway, to answer your question... I am convinced, but not in the way you think, its just nothing I have any chance of convincing anyone of. Even if I released a video of her and me fucking, people still wouldn't believe it.
And besides, if I wanted to burn her and expose her, I would have already... and would have done a good job too. I don't really want to. She and I had a nice relationship and she got just as much out of it as I did. End of story.
She really shouldn't beg people for a silly award tho'. Makes her look really, really bad. Sorry, kid.
10) November 24, 2008 4:09 PM... November 24, 2008 4:09 PM... Anonymous said... Why does this blog suddenly resemble the movie "Desperately Seeking Susan?" It's like reading the personals in the local hook up rag. Wow Hyatte, your long time fans need, nay, we DESERVE an explination that makes FUCKING SENSE! Oh and Happy Thanksgiving.
Desperately Seeking Susan?? HO HOOOO! THE EIGHTIES CALLED, MY BROTHA'!!! THEY SAID COME ON OVER TO THE OUGHTS!! ITS NICE UP HERE IN THE FUTURE! WE GOT US AN ACTUAL HALF-NEGRO PRESIDENT NOW!!
The married thing... hmm... wow. It was an experiment. I was dreadfully late with a blog... well, not really since I'm on no schedule... I hadn't posted anything in a while and I just wanted to see what would happen if I announced it.
And by the way, you tools... I've known about 5 girls named Chantelle in my life and ALL of them were pretty much whiter than Hannah Montana. Get OUT more, yo.
And then I saw this as an opportunity to fuck with someones head (yes, that element is there, alas), much like mine was fucked with not too long ago and a few times since.
And most of all, I got to not post for a while and then come back all cryptic and flustered and confused and fly by the seat of my pants and all that.
THEN I thought about it and said, "Hmm, well the natural thing to happen here, if this was real, was that one of us would suddenly realize what a huge, misguided thing this was and BAIL." Since I have always been more comfortable writing myself as the shmuck, I sent her off and openly begged for her to come back here in this blog.
And then... I decided that more of you probably didn't believe it, and the concept had almost ran its course, and I really didn't want to take it further. So I killed it and confessed. Pretty much it, guys.
The point is, as noted in one of the posts above, this will never be a blog where I go on and on about my weekend, or my work, or the quiff I'm banging, or where I'm eating, or how AWESOME my life is and how EVERYTHING works out for me (like that cocksucker fairybeard Alex Lucard... or any given WWE wrestler Myspace blog). To me, that's faker then anything I write.
And then there is the extreme opposite of this, which is Sean Shannon's blog. I can't go there either. No self pity here, boyo. Nope.
I just want to do what I do and experiment and fuck around and have no rules or no themes and just... just... RAMBLE.
And the smarter ones will pick up a glimpse or two of raw, actual incite. Oh, its there.
So, if I pissed you off about the marriage thing, sorry. But it only lasted... three blogs. Four? I'm too lazy to go and look to the left of this page and see.
11) November 24, 2008 12:13 PM... Anonymous said... good one, I was on the fence about whether it was real or a hoax but amusing nonetheless. Anyways, since this is just going to you, I wanted to remind you that my show Storm Chasers is on, it's on youtube as well if you just want to check out a bit. Just if you are curious about a long time reader, I'm in the TIV, the tank, on the show. Looking forward to the next blog.
B
Thank you, Turk. Everyone be sure to check out your show THIS SUMDAY when it gets a whole afternoon/evening to itself. The Storm Chasers Marathon, from 3-11 pm est, ONLY on the Discovery Channel.
You all can flip during the football commercials.
Am I done yet? I think so. Hmm... maybe one last thing...
To YOU....I know, you're trying to wean yourself off this... but I also know this is the first thing you check out whenever you log on... so watch this and remember to miss me...
Girl knows her shit. And she puts her SOUL into it. So did I, baby.
So did I. Hope you still have that Panic Button around.
Anyway, comments are back on (I just didn't want to hear you griping) and moderation is OFF. OFF!! Comment freely and get your instantaneous gratification!! But they are OFF... so anyone have anything they need to say to me in private, you're just going to have to find a different way.
Sho' nuff.
Laters.
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