Trish Stratus made a rare online appearence on Saturday evening. We ended up bullshitting for a couple of hours and probably had one of our best times since she got married (shoot). I know she was having a blast simply because she lasted two hours with me when she usually bails after about an hour.
It's strange, but she really loosens up with me and says some pretty funny, raw things. Plus we have, like, a 5 year "friendship" going so we can talk about things she can't talk about with the average jerk online. I scored a level of trust with her that not everyone gets, I don't think.
She's doing well.
Is she the real deal, or am I being conned by a fake? Lot of people use to announce, "Hyatte's being duped by a fake!!" quite frequently around this time last year. They have no way of proving it, they JUST KNOW!
People are fucking retarded sometimes.
I DO have proof I chat with the real deal. I just never had any reason to display it. It would break her trust and for what? To show up some message board asshole? Fuck them.
She reads this so say hello to her in the comments section.
Our chat was so cool I printed it and framed all 12 pages worth. I plan on selling them one page at a time on Ebay. I figure the page where she admits to spending twenty minutes a day in front of a mirror admiring her tits will make me rich.
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I napped through parts of Bound For Glory, which pisses me off because I wanted to watch it, but I had a few becks in me and the fucking eyelids just kept closing. It's funny, Kurt Angle is the one wrestler alive who DOES NOT NEED a lot of booking to have great matches, yet Russo seems to use Angle to unleash the worst aspectds of his booking skills. Kurt was pulling out one of the greatest matches out of Sting in years and the last 5 minutes of the match was nothing but clusterfuckery. Hell, it turned into the Nash show!
But on the whole, I blew $30 on it... because I'm SO FUCKING TIRED at night, especially with a few beers in me. Bad move by Hi-Rate.
I should order the ROH PPV, just to see what all the fuss is about... but god dammit, I DON'T WANT TO!!
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New England Patriots: 48
Dallas Cowboys: 27
The Patriots are so good, they may ruin football for the year. Who's going to invest much emotion in their teams when they know no one can get by the Pats?
Meanwhile, Cleveland is going to make the Red Sox fight for seven games. Saturday's game proved that one way of beating the Sox is to last past their closer, because the Sox bullpen after the tenth inning is the absolute shits.
I don't know why so many people bitch about baseball being lame because the teams with the most money get the best players. It seems to me that the clubs who have the BEST TEAM PLAYERS always seem to end up winning the whole magilla.
The damn Yankees haven't sniffed a World Series game in YEARS. The Red Sox won the whole thing three years ago but that was all.
In two weeks, the Boston Celtics take the floor with Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen joining Paul Pierce. It's funny to see Boston fans suddenly re-appear now that we seem to have an actual team show up on the floor. These fans seemed to have vanished right around the time Larry Bird retired.
To me, I won't care about the Celtics anymore until the go back to starting 3 white guys. Even in the 80's this was a hilarious, out-of place visual.
And so ends my part on New England sports.
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As I write this, actually, as I wrote the part about the Celtics, I'm listening to Bruce Mitchell and Wade Keller discuss wrestling and Bruce is telling a story about how Davey Boy Smith once took a gun and killed Matilda because she was barking too much. He did this in front of family at his home.
You know, I've been hearing stories about Davey Boy Smith and the British Bulldog and how they were two giant assholes who killed poor dogs and who believed that the meaner the rib, the better and have come to the conclusion that they both deserve to be wherever they are right now. Davey Boy deserves to be dead and I'm GLAD the Bulldog is a broke-ass cripple.
Reap what you motherucking sew.
Anyone who kills dogs deserves to get battery acid injected directly into their bowels
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I'm not talking about TV this blog.
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You know... that motherfucking Rick Scaia has outlasted almost EVERYONE. The good news is I seriously doubt that anyone actually visits his site. Like me, he is sermonzing a roomfull of mostly empty seats. Unlike me he doesn't seem to know this.
Someone remind me to lay down the full story of the girl I sent to seduce him online. Tanya. She was a trip. I pretty much destroyed her heart. She has since recovered.
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One of my concerns with doing this blog is that I'm not exactly bringing on the funny.
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You know, I always prided myself with never doing a "random thoughts" cheap ass lazy column... so why do I feel like I'm now reduced to doing a "random thoughts" cheap ass lazy blog? Fuck.
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Here's a story from real life: A few weeks ago, at work, I promised to buy this girl a iced latte and bagged out. In her mind, this meant I owed her money.
Her name is Sarah, she's 18 year old, bisexual (but I think it's just a phase), and skinny as a rail. She's also a big time red head. I mean the whole pale white skin, ginger kid sort of red head. Really cute with a nifty sarcastic side.
Anyway, so she thought I owed her money, and, for some reason, I was talking to a bunch of people and a dollar bill happened to be in my hand. Well, from behind Sarah snuck up and grabbed the dollar from me. However, because I am a MAN and NOT a fag and have this brute, massive strength, I held on and for about three minutes, Sarah and I wrestled over a dollar bill.
No, we weren't rolling on the floor, I mean we were both fighting to get the dollar.
Yes, I said three minutes. Yes, it WAS three minutes.
This girl, this 110 pound 18 year old girl, she fucking FOUGHT for that dollar... and she fought WELL. At one point, she dug her thumbnail in my finger and I groaned. Little fucker hurt.
Now I have two points I want to make, the first is that Sarah taught me that girls can be just as tough, just as fierce as guys and I now truly believe that girls are NOT the weaker sex and COULD, with the right amount of confidence, CAN kick the shit out of men on a regular basis. This shit about girls being the weaker sex physically... all a myth. The only reason they aren't kicking our ass on a regualr basis is that most of them are too psyched out by the notion that men are supposed to be stronger. Popular conception, since time out of mind, is that men are the strong breadwinners and women are the nest building babymakers.
Sarah, this skinny, young, bony 18 year old could possibly kick my ass.
And I am NOT some small little skinny effeminate homo.
So I saw that this tug of wart would get serious if I didn't relent, so I let go of the dollar. She won! She got the dollar.
Which leads me to my next point. What Sara did, after winning the dollar in a physical match with me, she stood there and held the dollar in two hands and stared at it, as if authenticating that it was a real dollar.
So, quick as a whip, I reached over and snapped it out of her hands and pocketed it quick. Everyone laughed. She punched me a few times and tried to kick my nads. She ALMOST went for the dollar in my pocket but she didn't want her hand anywhere near my unit.
My second point is that while girls CAN be just as bad ass tough as guys, they don;t think three dimensionally. If a guy won the dollar fight, he would've made sure I was far away before inspecting his won booty. He wouldn't stand there immediately after the war and hold the thing like it was over and he won and I would be breaking the rules if I grabbed it again.
You girls need to think that the fight ain't over until it's OVER... you have to fight smarter. Think things through. And remember the golden rule... when it comes to fighting over something, it's not over until everyone goes home and the ring is emptied.
Sarah's a nice kid. We watch Survivor together when things are quiet at work. I crack her up. I like to pretend to be in heat over her and she throws things at me like staplers and coke bottles. She also says she isn't into me yet is always visiting me and hanging out.
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I'm currently reading Stephen King's Needful Things again. It had been years. My favorite part is when the lady is holding a picture of Elvis and she is swept to a hallucination where Elvis brings her on-stage during a concert and they start making out and the evil shopkeeper watches as she has a full orgasm in front of him. Then he tells her to suck his wang... ("Gobble my crank" was the exact phrase.) Great piece of twisted writing their.
I am trying to get through Lisey's Story but it's not grabbing me.
I need to so a full review of King's work again soon.
I also tore through Robert Parker's Hundred Dollar Baby in about two days. This book, and Parker, has a direct influence on the book I'm writing (about ten days away from breaking page 300). This is a clue.
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The other day I NEARLY seduced a black chick with something I wrote. This is real life I'm talking about. It's a great story. I'll tell it when I have time.
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I also plan on talking about Ghosthunters soon. It's my favorite show currently.
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I can't fucking believe I blew $30 on a TNA PPV and it was one of the best ones they've done and I slept through 70% of the fucking thing.
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- October 10, 2007 6:53 PM ... Anonymous said... Hey Hyatte, Why did DOI shut down?
They didn't. It's right here
The dude kept the archives on the front page too.
- October 7, 2007 11:46 PM... BFH said: Go vegan .;)
Wade Keller,on his VIP message board, has taken to bragging about being a vegan and how healthy he is and spends quality time preaching about how bad Taco Bell is.
Meanwhile, Keller once had a sore throat and kept him in bed and caused his Torch newsletter to skip a week. And Keller gets sick more than anyone else I've heard of.
Keller once said that he likjes pizza places that make "special" pizza, with no meat or cheese. You know what they call pizza with no meat OR cheese? The Deluxe "What Moron Comes to a Pizza Joint When They Don't Want Meat Or Cheese?"
I'm really tempted to take a trip to Minnesota, hunt down Wade Keller, find him, jack off in my hand, and throw my semen at him.
Somehow, I doubt this would be a new experience for Mr. Keller.
- October 11, 2007 8:27 AM... Anonymous said: what do u think of the Van Halen reunion?
I think David Lee Roth isn't embarassing himself and his voice sounds great! I think they will make tens of millions from this tour and I really hope they put it on HBO or at least a DVD. I also think their concerts are filled with guys my age dressed like they're still in high school. I think I discussed this in one of my early blogs which you can access by clicking the archives <---------- right over to the left.
I also think that poor Sammy Hagar will never understand that Van Halen fans will ALWAYS prefer Roth to him simply because Roth knew how to write the coolest, dumbest lyrics ever. Sammy Hagar wrote the words to "Poundcake" and "Black and Blue" and left NO DOUBT that he was talking about fucking some broad. Roth writes "Panama" and it LOOKS like he's talking about fucking some broad but he's really talking about a cool car. That's the point. Dave is a fun songwriter. Hagar beats you over the head with what he's singing about.
Who writes "U"when asking a question? I mean, is typing "Y" and "O" just too friggin' strenuous??
- October 12, 2007 10:37 PM ... eithinan said... First of all I want to say how big of a fan I am and I have been for over adecade. Do you know when this Scooter Keith guy started doing "rants"? Because around '97 I was doing "E's Monday Nitro Rant" and "E's Raw Rant" which were highly detailed reviews of the shows including play by play and even quoting the shows. I was published on a few email newsletters then lost interest in it after a year or so. I guess my question is, Is Scott Keith someone who may have stolen the format I used, including the times for the matches, or was there a possible similarity in ideas?
I believe Scooter started calling his show reviews (which aren't really detailed) "Rants" in the early 90's, when the Internet was nothing but RSPW... which I think was like a message board which was e-mailed to you, I think... I didn't get a computer until 1996.
If anything, Dennis Miller should sue BOTH your asses.
Did Scooter steal from you? I dunno, maybe, anything's possible.
Funny thing about Scooter is that I have never seen someone take himself so seriously than he does. he truly thinks he is re-inventing the wheel here.
Sad thing about Scooter is that whenever guys like Meltzer or Mitchell or some of the more popular message boards like wrestling classics talk about upcoming books about Benoit, no one EVER mentions the book Scooter is writing.
He really gets shunned from anything that might make him look credible.
- October 13, 2007 12:12 AM ... Dan said... Your comment about Ashish's creativity is amusing. I remember a column you did at 411 when you commented on Ashish's choice of language. He would always say, "Like I said," repeatedly throughout a single column. I had been waiting for someone else to notice that.
HA! I had forgotten all about that until you brought it up. You guys have to know that you probably remember a whole lot more about the shit I've written then I ever could.
I DO remember doing a piece on Ashish's report on Bret Hart falling off his bicycle while having his stroke. Ashish ended it by saying Bret will soon be "on the road to recovery"
I distinctly remember trying like make Ashish see the irony. Hart stroked out while ON HIS BIKE but not to worry, Ashish thinks he'll be back ON THE ROAD to recovery in no time.
Ashish did not see the irony one bit. And he quickly grew annoyed with me.
The imagination of a bisexual fruit fly.
"Like I said"... HA... boy, Ashish did like to preach when he was in column writing mode.
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To tie everything together, I started with Trish and I'll end with Trish.
Talking about girls being just as strong as guys. I keep having this fantasy of fucking Trish, it's a good one, but it ends badly.
I just keep thinking that we'll be going at it hot and heavy, and she reaches down and starts stroking something and starts cupping something and...
Well, the fantasy usually ends with me yelling, "OW!! OW!!! KAYFABE, WOMAN!! KAYFABE!!!!!!"
Best bet to go is to tie that Hellcat up.
