I'm still here. Just tied up.
I have a story from my youth and a bunch of comments answered, coming very soon.
And i've gotten tired of Yes and No questions, so I'll be more verbose with some of them.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
MyTV and Comments
This was going to be longer but time is ever the cold, hungry, relentless BITCH!!
Whassup, people.
Someone, somewhere openly grumbled about how long posts where I just keep adding and adding new material at the end gets frustrating because they race down to the end but overshoot and end up shooting past the entry and wandering into boring ol' entries past... which they've already read a few dozen times and can recite every word... backwards.
Well, since I much, MUCH prefer lots of comments on each long post rather than bits of comments on several, scattered posts, here's what I suggest:
A: Log on here, breathe a sigh of relief when I make it clear in the headline that I have recently updated.
B: Click on recent headline. Just point and click.
C: Scroll down and see that now this post is the only post on your screen, no older posts follow. Just this posts and the comments it has so far garnered.
D: Easily find the point where the updated post ends and the comments begins and begin reading until you run out of unread material.
E: Zoom to the bottom of the screen and add in another comment to keep this puppy rolling, and to motivate me to respond.
F: Go find something shaped like a mini-bowling pin, shove it straight up your ass and spend the day walking around feeling like a stuffed fucking Thanksgiving turkey. Homo.
There ya' go. Problem solved.
So someone asked what I am watching on TV these days. Here's a list of all the shows I try really hard not to miss. In handy dandy days of the week order...
1) Letterman (since 1983. Only Carson can touch him)
2) Curb your Enthusiasm. (The concept is just thrilling. His scripts just lay out the scenario and from their on, all improv.)
3) Entourage (even tho' the latest season SUCKED)
4) Mad Men (slow moving, but an acting clinic. If you watch it, and wonder why the dramatic payoffs are so moving, it's because they know how to build. Someone from the Sopranos runs this show, and you can see the pedigree.)
5) NBC Sunday Night Football. ('nuff said)
6) The Simpsons. (Yeah, even I admit it, it's lost its edge. Someone, a few years ago, put it best... it's like everyone with originality left the Simpsons and let geeks who grew up watching it run the show. It's showing its age and it shows.)
6) House (It knows when to amke the lead character sympathetic, it knows when to bring Greg House's flaws front and center. And its just fun to see them unravel the medical mustery.)
7) Sons of Anarchy. (Not anything I CRAVE, but they hired Adam Arkin to be the leader of a white supremecy faction trying to fuck the biker gang out of town... and that is INSPIRED casting. Ron Perlman has been waaay too lucky for waaay too long)
8) Man vs Wild (Although its starting to get old, there is enough time between fresh sets of new shows to keep me interested... and the special episode he did with Will Ferrell was hilarious.)
9) Mythbusters (Adam is a carefree fag. Jamie redefines the term "closeted", and the girl seems to go from really hot to really BLEH on weekly basis, but they have fun and we LEARN THINGS.)
10) Survivor: Samoa. (Every season is a whole new cast, and THIS season they have a dude called Russell who is a fucking STAR!! He's also a nasty, evil asshole who makesd Johnny Fairplay look like an amateur. Get this, he tells everyone he's a firefighter from New Orleans who watched his dog drown during Katrina, then he grabs the camera and says, "Look, I've never BEEN to New Orleans, I'm a multi-millionaire who is just here to show how easy it is to manipulate these idiots and win the million, which I don't need." The thing is, he is HIGHLY photogenic, handsome, and charismatic. Mark Burnette is a fucking genius because I have no idea how long Russell will last in this game, but they are right now postioning him to be the star... which can easily mean he'll be thrown off the island before they even make it to jury selection. Just brilliant casting.)
11) Fringe. (It's like the X-Files only faster moving. Joshua Jackson hasn't taken a single acting class since he was hired for Dawson's Creek, but he fits here. The old guy, Walter, is a found treasure who was probably stuck doing bit parts and Shakespearean theater his whole life. His character reminds me of a guy I work with. They both take such joy in the simple things in life. I hang with my friend just for the positive energy he exudes over such simple pleasures... like a good restaurant or a funny image he caught on his camera phone.
And I've said it before... but it bears repeating... this is Anna Torv, the show's lead actress:
And this is porn starlet Aurora Snow:
Torv looks like Snow's sister. Thus I spend each show obessively wondering if her chooch isn't as deep and cavernous as a black hole... like her sister.)
14) South Park. Only 14 episodes a year, split between 5 months. Any one episoide is funnier and smarter AND dirtier than any given ten episodes of Family Guy
15) Dollhouse. (I have the first season DVD set, but I'm finding myself less and less interested in this show. I'm a Joss Whedon fiend but this show is lacking... and I don't think it'll last through its second season. Whedon needs to back off the "empowered cool chick" gemre and do something different, like a cop show or something. And Eliza Kushdu could've been Megan Fox before Megan Fox arrived... she downplays her sexiness too much.)
16) Dexter. (It took me a while to grow into this show, but I watched the first two seasons and find the show pretty fun. Nothing MUST HAVE, but entertaining all the same.)
That's it, my must watch shows. For DVDs, I grab seasons of The Office, 24, South Park, and Damages, as they arrive, and a bunch of old shows as my whims dictate. I'm thinking about collecting the entire Cheers and Seinfeld run. Just so you know.
********
I have some comments to catch up on. Yes or No... YOUR comments... just my way of letting you piece together the jigsaw rubik's cube known as HY8!!!
1) October 6, 2009 11:14 PM... Tony Majestic said... 1.) Do you think a group of your fans would seriously consider getting together in public? 2.) Have you ever self-published a book of your own work to sell out of the trunk of your car?
1) Never. 2) HA HA HA... no
2) October 7, 2009 12:22 AM... Anonymous said... Is your job resteraunt related? The wife was fake but was the sex club real?
1) No, I'm not a fucking waiter. 2) Yes.
3) October 7, 2009 3:45 AM... Anonymous said... Do you work in the public sector? Is your day job exactly that - a 9-5, working at a desk?
1) Yes. 2) Hmmmm... yeno. noye.
4) October 7, 2009 9:42 AM... Anonymous said... 1. Do you work in telecommunications? 2. Do you work in hospitality?
1) No. 2) We can all work on being more hospitable to each other.
5) October 7, 2009 10:52 AM... Anonymous said... Do you enjoy your fans? Would you ever consider showing a picture of yourself?
1) Sure. 2) Ahhh, yes
6) October 7, 2009 12:11 PM... Anonymous said... Have you ever read Denis Leary's book "Why We Suck"? If no, may I recommend it to you?
1) Nope. 2) Of course!
7) October 7, 2009 12:35 PM... Anonymous said... Did you finish college (i.e. get a degree)? Have you ever thrown your wallet at your TV in real life?
1) No. 2) Heh... probably
8) October 7, 2009 12:58 PM... Anonymous said... Do ya use any drug other than alcohol for recreational purposes? Have you ever had what could be considered a gay experience?
1) Nope. 2).... sigh.... yeah
9) October 7, 2009 1:12 PM... richardrh said... Do you remember Tully Blanchard? Do you care?
1) YES!! 2) Not a rat's ass.
10) October 7, 2009 3:32 PM... lostnoiz said... Do you have a physically demanding job? Is your your mentally challenging?
1) yeah. 2) YES!
11) October 7, 2009 3:34 PM... lostnoiz said... God damn...as I am apparantly mentally challenged....
1) Yes.
12) October 7, 2009 5:04 PM... WARSAW said... If your last name was a real word, would it be listed in the first half of the Dictionary? Is your last name longer than three syllables?
1) Yup. 2) Nope.
13) October 7, 2009 6:23 PM... Anonymous said... Is your cock longer than 5 inches?
Would you buy Ric Flairs nwa title for 75 k and wear it and only it in the lobby of a hotel screaming Whoo Whoo Whoooo while you do the helicopter tug on your slong?
1) Bet'cha ASS!! 2) No
14) October 7, 2009 8:32 PM... Anonymous said... Haha, if you woke up in a field somewhere, hungover, and you found a homeless guy sucking you off; would you let him finish?
No, no, NO!!
15) October 8, 2009 8:06 AM... Anonymous said... Is "Na'cho cheese" the funniest cheese-related joke of all time?
1) Without fucking question
16) October 8, 2009 1:27 PM... Todd said... Are you still at the address on Georgianna? Did you ever complete the "hard boiled" novella about Benjy, Max, the Accountant?
1) No. 2) Yes. Wow.
17) October 8, 2009 1:47 PM... MorninWood said... So Hy8, are you currently working as a janitor or in "custodial engineering"? Do you hate anyone on here?
1) No. 2) Oh yes.
18) October 8, 2009 9:36 PM... Anonymous said... 1) A woman ever abort the fruit of your loins? 2) Have any brothers or sisters?
1) Probably not. 2) No.
19) October 9, 2009 1:48 AM... Anonymous said... Ever given a rim job? Ever gotten one?
1) Aye. 2) AYE!
20) October 9, 2009 2:39 AM... Anonymous said... In terms of women online, have you ever jacked off on webcam for a girl? Have you ever had a woman online reject you because you wouldn't give her a photo of yourself?
1) BWAHAHAHAAA!! No. 2) Nope.
21) October 9, 2009 6:25 AM... Anonymous said... Do you feel old? Are you still seeing Miss It's everything and it's Nothing?
1) Alas... yes. 2) Yup.
22) October 9, 2009 7:58 AM... Anonymous said... Do you think Obama should have won the Nobel Peace Prize? Do you think he has REALLY done anything of note to this point?
1) No. 2) Yes.
23) October 9, 2009 8:24 AM... fbintx said... Do you like this gig? Do you like your job? Do you like being chief of police?
1)... yes-ish 2) Yes 3) What? No.
24) October 9, 2009 9:53 AM... Julie said... Hey Chris! Looking at the comments you've received so far, it looks like you've really opened a can of worms :) 1) Have you heard from Trish since she's gotten married? 2) Do you expect to ever hear from her again? Have a great week! Julie
Hi Julie! 1) Sure. 2) She always comes back. Have a great week too, baby.
25) October 9, 2009 1:35 PM... Anonymous said... Will the new FCC crackdown on bloggers affect you? Will you get another column at a wrestling site if it does?
1) Nah. 2) Never.
26) October 9, 2009 4:20 PM... Anonymous said... Are you going to update BlOCTOBERFEST soon? Will you let me marry you? No man love or anything, I just want to hang out with you and absorb some of your awesomeness.
1) No. 2) No, sorry.
25) October 9, 2009 5:43 PM... Lester Graves said... Would you have sex with someone that is totally hot if you knew for a fact that you would get a (treatable) venereal disease from her?
1).... hmmmmm.... no
26) October 9, 2009 9:56 PM... Scott_NM said... Did Trish give you any kind of a wink/nudge/tug on the ear when she hosted Raw? Follow-up: Do you wish that you could have got her to do something like that, not so you could brag about it, but just to have the personal satisfaction and internal grin?
1) No clue. Didn't watch it. 2) She did already... so no.
27) October 10, 2009 9:33 AM... Anonymous said... Do you write anywhere else on the internet under a different name?
1) No.
28) October 10, 2009 11:13 AM... Ken said... Did you ever go to college? Did that help you get your current job?
1) Yes. 2) Yes.
29) October 10, 2009 2:59 PM... Anonymous said... Phrased in a yes/no question: Do you realize the longer your posts are the harder it is to find the comment thing? Because, seriously, most people aren't going to sit through a chapter book masquerading as a blog, right?.
1) Yes. See above. And stop fucking whining.
30) October 10, 2009 7:16 PM... MorninWood said... Um, DO YOU realize that some of us that have been reading you for a long time don't care and are smart enough to find the "comment thing" because we aren't as stupid as some other folks that would call this a chapter book masquerading (which I am shocked they spelled correctly) as a blog and that we are very happy to get long posts from you because that means there is more Hyatte goodness to absorb? And ever gave money to a charity?
1) Yes. And awwww. 2) Yes.
31) October 11, 2009 9:20 AM... Anonymous said... Is your Hyatte persona close to who you are in "real life" Would you ever use Hyatte to pick up a woman that new who Hyatte is?
1) Yes. 2) Sure.
32) October 11, 2009 5:21 PM... Anonymous said... Are you ever gonna answer these questions? Are you ever going to blog regularly again?
1) Uh huh. 2) Uh uh.
Whassup, people.
Someone, somewhere openly grumbled about how long posts where I just keep adding and adding new material at the end gets frustrating because they race down to the end but overshoot and end up shooting past the entry and wandering into boring ol' entries past... which they've already read a few dozen times and can recite every word... backwards.
Well, since I much, MUCH prefer lots of comments on each long post rather than bits of comments on several, scattered posts, here's what I suggest:
A: Log on here, breathe a sigh of relief when I make it clear in the headline that I have recently updated.
B: Click on recent headline. Just point and click.
C: Scroll down and see that now this post is the only post on your screen, no older posts follow. Just this posts and the comments it has so far garnered.
D: Easily find the point where the updated post ends and the comments begins and begin reading until you run out of unread material.
E: Zoom to the bottom of the screen and add in another comment to keep this puppy rolling, and to motivate me to respond.
F: Go find something shaped like a mini-bowling pin, shove it straight up your ass and spend the day walking around feeling like a stuffed fucking Thanksgiving turkey. Homo.
There ya' go. Problem solved.
So someone asked what I am watching on TV these days. Here's a list of all the shows I try really hard not to miss. In handy dandy days of the week order...
1) Letterman (since 1983. Only Carson can touch him)
2) Curb your Enthusiasm. (The concept is just thrilling. His scripts just lay out the scenario and from their on, all improv.)
3) Entourage (even tho' the latest season SUCKED)
4) Mad Men (slow moving, but an acting clinic. If you watch it, and wonder why the dramatic payoffs are so moving, it's because they know how to build. Someone from the Sopranos runs this show, and you can see the pedigree.)
5) NBC Sunday Night Football. ('nuff said)
6) The Simpsons. (Yeah, even I admit it, it's lost its edge. Someone, a few years ago, put it best... it's like everyone with originality left the Simpsons and let geeks who grew up watching it run the show. It's showing its age and it shows.)
6) House (It knows when to amke the lead character sympathetic, it knows when to bring Greg House's flaws front and center. And its just fun to see them unravel the medical mustery.)
7) Sons of Anarchy. (Not anything I CRAVE, but they hired Adam Arkin to be the leader of a white supremecy faction trying to fuck the biker gang out of town... and that is INSPIRED casting. Ron Perlman has been waaay too lucky for waaay too long)
8) Man vs Wild (Although its starting to get old, there is enough time between fresh sets of new shows to keep me interested... and the special episode he did with Will Ferrell was hilarious.)
9) Mythbusters (Adam is a carefree fag. Jamie redefines the term "closeted", and the girl seems to go from really hot to really BLEH on weekly basis, but they have fun and we LEARN THINGS.)
10) Survivor: Samoa. (Every season is a whole new cast, and THIS season they have a dude called Russell who is a fucking STAR!! He's also a nasty, evil asshole who makesd Johnny Fairplay look like an amateur. Get this, he tells everyone he's a firefighter from New Orleans who watched his dog drown during Katrina, then he grabs the camera and says, "Look, I've never BEEN to New Orleans, I'm a multi-millionaire who is just here to show how easy it is to manipulate these idiots and win the million, which I don't need." The thing is, he is HIGHLY photogenic, handsome, and charismatic. Mark Burnette is a fucking genius because I have no idea how long Russell will last in this game, but they are right now postioning him to be the star... which can easily mean he'll be thrown off the island before they even make it to jury selection. Just brilliant casting.)
11) Fringe. (It's like the X-Files only faster moving. Joshua Jackson hasn't taken a single acting class since he was hired for Dawson's Creek, but he fits here. The old guy, Walter, is a found treasure who was probably stuck doing bit parts and Shakespearean theater his whole life. His character reminds me of a guy I work with. They both take such joy in the simple things in life. I hang with my friend just for the positive energy he exudes over such simple pleasures... like a good restaurant or a funny image he caught on his camera phone.
And I've said it before... but it bears repeating... this is Anna Torv, the show's lead actress:
And this is porn starlet Aurora Snow:
Torv looks like Snow's sister. Thus I spend each show obessively wondering if her chooch isn't as deep and cavernous as a black hole... like her sister.)
14) South Park. Only 14 episodes a year, split between 5 months. Any one episoide is funnier and smarter AND dirtier than any given ten episodes of Family Guy
15) Dollhouse. (I have the first season DVD set, but I'm finding myself less and less interested in this show. I'm a Joss Whedon fiend but this show is lacking... and I don't think it'll last through its second season. Whedon needs to back off the "empowered cool chick" gemre and do something different, like a cop show or something. And Eliza Kushdu could've been Megan Fox before Megan Fox arrived... she downplays her sexiness too much.)
16) Dexter. (It took me a while to grow into this show, but I watched the first two seasons and find the show pretty fun. Nothing MUST HAVE, but entertaining all the same.)
That's it, my must watch shows. For DVDs, I grab seasons of The Office, 24, South Park, and Damages, as they arrive, and a bunch of old shows as my whims dictate. I'm thinking about collecting the entire Cheers and Seinfeld run. Just so you know.
********
I have some comments to catch up on. Yes or No... YOUR comments... just my way of letting you piece together the jigsaw rubik's cube known as HY8!!!
1) October 6, 2009 11:14 PM... Tony Majestic said... 1.) Do you think a group of your fans would seriously consider getting together in public? 2.) Have you ever self-published a book of your own work to sell out of the trunk of your car?
1) Never. 2) HA HA HA... no
2) October 7, 2009 12:22 AM... Anonymous said... Is your job resteraunt related? The wife was fake but was the sex club real?
1) No, I'm not a fucking waiter. 2) Yes.
3) October 7, 2009 3:45 AM... Anonymous said... Do you work in the public sector? Is your day job exactly that - a 9-5, working at a desk?
1) Yes. 2) Hmmmm... yeno. noye.
4) October 7, 2009 9:42 AM... Anonymous said... 1. Do you work in telecommunications? 2. Do you work in hospitality?
1) No. 2) We can all work on being more hospitable to each other.
5) October 7, 2009 10:52 AM... Anonymous said... Do you enjoy your fans? Would you ever consider showing a picture of yourself?
1) Sure. 2) Ahhh, yes
6) October 7, 2009 12:11 PM... Anonymous said... Have you ever read Denis Leary's book "Why We Suck"? If no, may I recommend it to you?
1) Nope. 2) Of course!
7) October 7, 2009 12:35 PM... Anonymous said... Did you finish college (i.e. get a degree)? Have you ever thrown your wallet at your TV in real life?
1) No. 2) Heh... probably
8) October 7, 2009 12:58 PM... Anonymous said... Do ya use any drug other than alcohol for recreational purposes? Have you ever had what could be considered a gay experience?
1) Nope. 2).... sigh.... yeah
9) October 7, 2009 1:12 PM... richardrh said... Do you remember Tully Blanchard? Do you care?
1) YES!! 2) Not a rat's ass.
10) October 7, 2009 3:32 PM... lostnoiz said... Do you have a physically demanding job? Is your your mentally challenging?
1) yeah. 2) YES!
11) October 7, 2009 3:34 PM... lostnoiz said... God damn...as I am apparantly mentally challenged....
1) Yes.
12) October 7, 2009 5:04 PM... WARSAW said... If your last name was a real word, would it be listed in the first half of the Dictionary? Is your last name longer than three syllables?
1) Yup. 2) Nope.
13) October 7, 2009 6:23 PM... Anonymous said... Is your cock longer than 5 inches?
Would you buy Ric Flairs nwa title for 75 k and wear it and only it in the lobby of a hotel screaming Whoo Whoo Whoooo while you do the helicopter tug on your slong?
1) Bet'cha ASS!! 2) No
14) October 7, 2009 8:32 PM... Anonymous said... Haha, if you woke up in a field somewhere, hungover, and you found a homeless guy sucking you off; would you let him finish?
No, no, NO!!
15) October 8, 2009 8:06 AM... Anonymous said... Is "Na'cho cheese" the funniest cheese-related joke of all time?
1) Without fucking question
16) October 8, 2009 1:27 PM... Todd said... Are you still at the address on Georgianna? Did you ever complete the "hard boiled" novella about Benjy, Max, the Accountant?
1) No. 2) Yes. Wow.
17) October 8, 2009 1:47 PM... MorninWood said... So Hy8, are you currently working as a janitor or in "custodial engineering"? Do you hate anyone on here?
1) No. 2) Oh yes.
18) October 8, 2009 9:36 PM... Anonymous said... 1) A woman ever abort the fruit of your loins? 2) Have any brothers or sisters?
1) Probably not. 2) No.
19) October 9, 2009 1:48 AM... Anonymous said... Ever given a rim job? Ever gotten one?
1) Aye. 2) AYE!
20) October 9, 2009 2:39 AM... Anonymous said... In terms of women online, have you ever jacked off on webcam for a girl? Have you ever had a woman online reject you because you wouldn't give her a photo of yourself?
1) BWAHAHAHAAA!! No. 2) Nope.
21) October 9, 2009 6:25 AM... Anonymous said... Do you feel old? Are you still seeing Miss It's everything and it's Nothing?
1) Alas... yes. 2) Yup.
22) October 9, 2009 7:58 AM... Anonymous said... Do you think Obama should have won the Nobel Peace Prize? Do you think he has REALLY done anything of note to this point?
1) No. 2) Yes.
23) October 9, 2009 8:24 AM... fbintx said... Do you like this gig? Do you like your job? Do you like being chief of police?
1)... yes-ish 2) Yes 3) What? No.
24) October 9, 2009 9:53 AM... Julie said... Hey Chris! Looking at the comments you've received so far, it looks like you've really opened a can of worms :) 1) Have you heard from Trish since she's gotten married? 2) Do you expect to ever hear from her again? Have a great week! Julie
Hi Julie! 1) Sure. 2) She always comes back. Have a great week too, baby.
25) October 9, 2009 1:35 PM... Anonymous said... Will the new FCC crackdown on bloggers affect you? Will you get another column at a wrestling site if it does?
1) Nah. 2) Never.
26) October 9, 2009 4:20 PM... Anonymous said... Are you going to update BlOCTOBERFEST soon? Will you let me marry you? No man love or anything, I just want to hang out with you and absorb some of your awesomeness.
1) No. 2) No, sorry.
25) October 9, 2009 5:43 PM... Lester Graves said... Would you have sex with someone that is totally hot if you knew for a fact that you would get a (treatable) venereal disease from her?
1).... hmmmmm.... no
26) October 9, 2009 9:56 PM... Scott_NM said... Did Trish give you any kind of a wink/nudge/tug on the ear when she hosted Raw? Follow-up: Do you wish that you could have got her to do something like that, not so you could brag about it, but just to have the personal satisfaction and internal grin?
1) No clue. Didn't watch it. 2) She did already... so no.
27) October 10, 2009 9:33 AM... Anonymous said... Do you write anywhere else on the internet under a different name?
1) No.
28) October 10, 2009 11:13 AM... Ken said... Did you ever go to college? Did that help you get your current job?
1) Yes. 2) Yes.
29) October 10, 2009 2:59 PM... Anonymous said... Phrased in a yes/no question: Do you realize the longer your posts are the harder it is to find the comment thing? Because, seriously, most people aren't going to sit through a chapter book masquerading as a blog, right?.
1) Yes. See above. And stop fucking whining.
30) October 10, 2009 7:16 PM... MorninWood said... Um, DO YOU realize that some of us that have been reading you for a long time don't care and are smart enough to find the "comment thing" because we aren't as stupid as some other folks that would call this a chapter book masquerading (which I am shocked they spelled correctly) as a blog and that we are very happy to get long posts from you because that means there is more Hyatte goodness to absorb? And ever gave money to a charity?
1) Yes. And awwww. 2) Yes.
31) October 11, 2009 9:20 AM... Anonymous said... Is your Hyatte persona close to who you are in "real life" Would you ever use Hyatte to pick up a woman that new who Hyatte is?
1) Yes. 2) Sure.
32) October 11, 2009 5:21 PM... Anonymous said... Are you ever gonna answer these questions? Are you ever going to blog regularly again?
1) Uh huh. 2) Uh uh.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Welcome to Blogtober! (UPDATED a few times... 10/5 and 10/6. UPDATED 11:30 AM; 2:00 pm; 10:30 PM)
Looky here:
There are times when I want to blog all the time and you and I have a nice give and take/back and forth thing going. Then there are times when I just want to hit the fucking delete button and be done with it. But I don't because, well, you never know when this thing might come in handy.
Currently, I don't feel like blogging, so there will be gaps between posts. And now the obligatory reminder that this isn't a column and I am not required to deliver anything and blah blah blah...
You ever notice that the longer my posts. The more posts I do that have actual content, the less you all respond? If I continue to write here and end up puking up 2000 words, it'll take a month to hit 50 comments. But if I stop right now, I'll hit 100 by Wednesday. Of course, 74 of those 100 will be just one guy posting dozens of times anonymously, but still.
****************
Anyway, let's try this. For the next few days, you may ask me ANYTHING and you will get a 100% true answer. I will be honest and open and all the way truthful. No lies here. You may also ask me one follow-up question of which I will ALSO answer 100% truthfully, to the best of my abilities.
Here's the catch. They must be Yes or No questions. I will say nothing but Yes or No... but they will be 100% honest. Yes or No is all you get. Not a letter more.
AND ONLY TWO QUESTIONS PER CUSTOMER. If you post a list I will just answer the first two and then move on.
Might be fun.
***************************************
Wrestling Stuff
In TRUE WWE form, the whole "Guest Host" gimmick is both brilliant and ridiculously short-sighted at the same time. It's brilliant because it does get a guest star to appear on Raw every week, and depending on where the host comes from, gets a variety of different media sources talking about pro wrestling every week.
Well... heh, making FUN of wrestling every week, I should say.
But its a neat idea. I like that Ben Roethlisberger is raising shit with the sports media and his own Coach by taking a guest host gig tomorrow wthout telling him, and bringing his whole offensive line with him. I also like that the previous week, that loudmouth Al Sharpton showed up and managed to make the whole locker room stand up and applaud him for doing next to nothing his whole life other than get behind causes that serve his needs more than anyone elses.
And its a hoot to see these little actors run around like unaware assholes. Seth Green looked like a 12 year old kid out there.
But then there is the part where the Guest Host just fucks the WWE in its own ass. Bob Barker had no idea where he was. He just knew that he was getting paid to do a spoof on his own gameshow and that he'll get 5 minutes to seriously plug his book. That's it. All these morons are spoting on about how GREAT he was on Raw. Of COURSE he was great... he's been in front of the cameras for over 35 years... he didn't need to know anything about where he was and he could've winged it on autopilot. He was probably wandering around backstage asking everyone when Lou Thesz was showing up.
Barker is such a seasoned pro, he could read a Chinese phonebook, mispronounce every single name, and still do a fine job. He didn't know WWE, and he still doesn't.
And then there was Jeremy Piven, who does not follow wrestling at all. Called "SummerSlam", "SummerFest", and was probably thrilled that Kelly Kelly had better coke on her then he did, and who didn't need much convincing to spread for him.
The more unique a giuest host they score, the more they look like a third rate trailer trash outlet. In the "talk show" game, where everyone sees your place based on the quality of guests you book, WWE is on par with "Chelsey Lately". In other words, they get D-List celebs who have to beg to get on Jimmy Fallon.
Which doesn't exactly kick open the doors of Hollywood for these folks.
So... you get media coverage (but not the best kind), a way to convince yourself that you are still a giant PULSE on heart of pop culture (you're not) and you give the fans a fresh, interesting reason to tune in every Monday (of course, they want to see WRESTLING, not the Big Show square off against someone new every week). ANd if no stars are available, you book retired wrestlers for a more traditional episode... and get to see yoga intructors... nevermind.
It's a great concept... and makes them look every bit as low rent as they constantly fight against.
But its all for the kids, anyway. WWE is a PG show! For the KIDS! No one is actually TELLING the kids this... as their core audience is still 25-40 year old leftovers from the late 90's. And the kids are busy watching UFC, like most everyone else.
Meanwhile, I'll be watching the "Hell in the Cell" PPV tonight. I want to see how they book THREE cage matches and make each one interesting... without blood.
Without blood. Jesus.
(HOURS LATER)
-It wasn't bad, wasn't sensational either but these PPVs rarely are.
Punk vs Undertaker wasn't exactly a "Hell in the Cell" match. It was a fairly strait forward match with a cage around it that they hardly used. I don't think 'Taker's gonna make it to 20-0 at Wrestlemania. He's barely moving... like, he's Kevin Nash-immobile.
Ironically, like Nash, Taker's in the best looking shape we've ever seen him. Really nice and fit from the waist up.
Punk's main problem is that he still sells like he's in the Indys. His facial PAIN expressions are borderline parody, like he's just goofing around and mugging for the fans. He needs to take it down a notch.
I guess even though they need the future, they aren't ready to put Punk quite over the big guns. That Russian dude, Vladimir Koslov, oh sure, he can pin Taker clean on free TV with no response, but their ain't no way Punk can get a little shine on with a major win.
Punk is fucking Lita. Oh there has GOT to be assplay involved - some dirty, kinky sex going down between those two. The way he scores around you have to figure he landed Stratus. And Batista got some of that too. Just saying.
By the way, Punk is hailed as the "First Ever Straight Edge World Champion"... heh... ha! Nice to see them admit all the other champions were juiced up coke-heads.
-Dolf Ziggler, when his hair is sweaty and flopping around, looks just like Jeff Jarrett. Interesting choice.
John Morrision looked quite pale while wrestling the heavily spray-tanned Ziggler. I'll bet a lot of money that this was Morrison's biggest concern when he watched the replay. "Aw maaan, I look like fucking Caspar!!"
-I noticed with most Diva matches that they work very deliberatly. Not much chain wrestling or sequences here. Lots of slow moving between spots. Crowd was dead for this, too. So was I. Who's this black chick?
-LOVED the tag championship match. It's what this company does very well, mixing big guys with little guys and telling the appropriate story with some good twists. It also helps that the Big Show always does what's right for business and knows that he can sell for Mysterio and still look monstrous.
Part of the fun of watching Batista nowadays is waiting for the next muscle to peel off the bone. I'm guessing the triceps... by Christmas.
-This was... BY FAR... the most enjoyable Randy Orton match I've ever seen. He can give lessons on how to make facial expressions and still sell but without leaving his character. Punk should be made to study Orton's work. The fans are popping for the guy because he is fresh, a new kind of character, something we haven't seen before, and he's the character from the second he steps out there to the second he leaves.
Seriously, I'm talking Austin, Rock, 80's Piper unique. One of a kind. And the fans want so badly to cheer him... but the WWE won't allow it. Cena is their poster child... that fake, marketed, puppet Cena who smiles nice and brings in those kiddies they want so bad. Orton is an original; Cena is a marketing gimmick. And the fans know this.
This was ANOTHER match that was barely a Hell in the Cell. Nothing was accomplished that couldn't have been done without a cage. Except Orton won clean... thank God.
-I was taking a big shit during R-Truth vs Drew McIntyre. The match was over before I finished the loaf.
-The Miz is starting to grow on me... and a lot of people I assume... and he can cut promos as good as anyone in the business, which will serve him very well...
... but he's not main event. No shot. He can have a lovely mid-card career and can cut awesome promos... but he'll need a huge makeover to be taken seriously. I don't see him moving up to the next level. Let's just hope he doesn't end up crying about it on Twitter or whatever the next big social network gimmick will be next year, like Matt Hardy does.
Jack Swagger fascinates me. First, he comes out and pounds his chest like a retarded King Kong. He's got these gigantic teeth that his lips have to stretch to cover... and can't stay covered for long as ou always see them pop back open. He's always bigger than he appears and is usually booked as a Brock Lesnar like monster athlete.
And I think they would LOOOVE to crown him the "Next big thing", but they are very careful about pushing someone to the moon like that again.
He'll never be a face, that kid... too snarky. Even his smile is fake... with all those teeth.
Anyway, Kofi Kingston keeps his belt, which is strange since of the three in that match, his character has the least vti of development. "And here's Kofi Kingston, a Jamaican flyer who likes to have fun!" That's it. Take the title off him and he's still smiling and having fun and looking like he should be serving me and my girl Pina Coladaz at the Resort with hardcore bloodshot eyes.
-Now... see... DX vs Legacy was a Hell in the Cell match. They told a cool story that featured Shawn getting trapped in the cage wit the two of them while HHH was kind enough to pretend to be knocked out for a while.
Punk should watch HBK tapes too, especially from the last couple of years, on the art of working a match with expressions. It will become vital when the body can't go 100 miles per hour all the time anymore and yet you still want to deliver excellent matches.
Sheesh, how much hair did HBK leave in the ring after his Undertaker Wrestlemania match? Boy's losing it by the handful now. WHERE'S YOUR GOD NOW, SHAWN???
HHH managed to break into the cage and save the day, but it made sense and the kids looked good. And it was a true Hell in the Cell match which did play up the special brutality of the gimmick.
And Orton won my heart. He could be the One, if they stop ignoring the cheers for the fucking guy.
Alright... there's some analysis. Hit me with the Yes or No questions... or comment on what I just talked about. Or don't comment and maybe I'll post again before Halloween... if you're lucky.
By the way, for Halloween I'm going to be a Yoga Instructor. Just need a brown wig, lots of makeup, and I'll spend the night trying to bend over backwards and form a bridge... and wipe out each time.
Heh heh heh... ho ho ho.... ha.
************************
Heh. I crack myself up.
So let's answer some questions. And I'll give a little clue here: My answers, simple as they are, sometimes are not so simple.
1) 1) October 5, 2009 8:29 AM... elmarko said... are you actually female? Is Flea a real person?
No. Yep.
2) October 5, 2009 11:14 AMAnonymous said... Are you one of the writers on 411 mania but go by a different name? Do you really know Trish Stratus?
1) HA... fuck no. 2) Yes
3) October 5, 2009 11:36 AM... kris said... Have you made more than $5000 total writing about wrestling on the internet?
No
4) October 5, 2009 12:04 PM... Arrakis said... If..."a woman"...offered to spend the rest of her life with you, would you give up your real name?
... uhh.... yes?
5) October 5, 2009 1:09 PM... Anonymous said... Two questions then. 1. Are you actually a woman? 2. Are you bitter?
1) WHAT??? NO!! 2) Nope.
6) October 5, 2009 1:41 PM... Moonage Daydream said... If you knew for a fact that you could get away with it, would you kill somebody?
No
7) October 5, 2009 1:55 PM... Tilly said... If any of us met you in real life, without knowing your online persona... would we like you? Does any part if you regret what you've written online in the past... like, for example, the Mark Madden's mom comments?
1) Yup. 2) Nah.
8) October 5, 2009 2:55 PM... Anonymous said... Or loved and lost. Sorry man, I'm totally fuckin high.
Understood. Yes.
9) October 5, 2009 3:17 PM... P. J. said... If human feces was identical on a molecular lever to your favorite food, would you eat it?
.... no...
10) October 5, 2009 3:33 PM... Anonymous said... Have you ever heard anyone mention Hyatte, or the IWC in general, in the course of your "real" life?
Hmmm.... Yes.
11) October 5, 2009 3:56 PM... Jay said... As for my question, and since it has to be yes or no I'll phrase it like this: do you a PG version of the WWE can ever reach the heights of popularity and mainstream recognition that the attitude era did?
No.
12) October 5, 2009 4:10 PM... Anonymous said... Have you ever been arrested? Is Flea a millionaire?
1) No. 2) .... yes?
13) October 5, 2009 4:39 PM... Christopher said... Do you work in a professional office environment? -I have this image of you working in a cubicle during the SCOOPS days and just pounding out the mop-ups before a big meeting the next day.
Have you ever gone 500 or more miles away from your primary residence at that time for pussy?
1) Nope. 2) Si.
14) October 5, 2009 5:57 PM... Anonymous said... 1. have you ever met trish stratus in person? 2. if so have you ever been alone with her?
1) Yeah. 2) No.
15) October 5, 2009 7:24 PM... Does it matter said... Did you pick the yes/no format to avoid real answers?
1) No, stupid.
16) October 5, 2009 11:48 PM... JesseBaker said... 1. Given how he turned into a batshit crazy stalker with a chip on his shoulder, do you regret taking Josh Grutman under your wing and giving him his big break on 411Wrestling/Inside Pulse 2. Did you ever freak Trish Stratus out with your devotion to her?
1) No. 2) Nah.
17) October 6, 2009 12:07... Sean said... 1) Has Trish ever given you a clear indication that she reciprocated the way you feel about her? 2) Would you ever spill the details on your "relationship" with her?
1)... heh... yeah. 2) Nope.
18) October 6, 2009 12:47 AM... Anonymous said... Do you have a kid? Will you ever talk about her/him?
1) no. 2) no.
Aha, and with the answers, more questiona arise. This might end up being fun.
*************************
19) October 6, 2009 1:15 AM... Anon-E-Mouse said... Have you ever wanted to bitch-slap somebody over a comment they left? Would you want to hang out with anyone whose posted here?
1) Oh God... YES! 2) Sure.
20) October 6, 2009 1:20 AM... Factor said... Could Ace of Base been HUGE if they had not been blinded by that damn Sign? I mean,with all the living in danger they were doing?
No.
21) October 6, 2009 9:49 AM... Anonymous said... Did you attend college at any point?
Have you ever heard anyone mention your columns in real life, without them realizing you were "Hyatte"?
1) Yes. 2) No.
22) October 6, 2009 11:25 AM... Anonymous said... Do you work in what could be classed, broadly as the creative industries eg. any form of design/advertising agency, anything connected to tv/film, music or photography, publishers? Are you Trish Stratus?
1) No and 2) What? No.
23) October 6, 2009 11:32 AM... Anonymous said... 1) If you knew for sure that certain female someones would never read you again, would you continue this blog? 2) If Trish got divorced, do you believe you have a realistic shot?
1) Sure. 2) Mmmmmmmmm.... no
24) October 6, 2009 11:43 AM... Ted Kennedy's ghost said... Do you know that Jeff Smalls wrote this week about Tammy and the dude that faked you out? Will you ever go after Smalls?
1) Nope. No, fuck him.
25) October 6, 2009 12:06 PM... Bri The King Of Alabama said...
RE: Smalls. Bit misleading, it was a brief (and pretty positive) mention:
"So last week Lacey Von Erich decided to take on the role as the voice of the TNA locker room by straight up hatin' on the deported Angelina Love. However, since the age of kayfabe is over, Erich was likely reprimanded and had to apologize on her Twitter page. Since then, Erich has received scorn from the IWC, many of my Smallophiles, and most importantly, ex-WWE Diva Tammy Sytch! And yes, this is the real Sunny, not the dude that tricked Hyatte. (Those were the days.) "
Yes
26) October 6, 2009 12:43 PM... Anonymous said... Smalls is a punk... Hyatte should lay him to waste. He should "fuck him till he loves him" Yes? No?
*YAWN*... no
27) October 6, 2009 12:59 PM... Anonymous said... Would you ever take another job writing for a wrestling site? Have you had sex with more than one woman at at time?
(if yes, can you tell me how to accomplish this?)
1) Yes. 2) No
28) October 6, 2009 1:32 PM... fbintx said... Do you earn more than $50K a year?
Do you floss? (you should)
1) Yessiree 2) Well.... ya
29) October 6, 2009 1:46 PM... Anonymous said... Are you a bitter writer? Have you ever been in a wrestling ring?
**This question an answer thing is fun.
1) ASSHOLE!! 5) October 5, 2009 1:09 PM... Anonymous said... 2. Are you bitter?
NO!!! READ THESE THINGS FULLY!!!
2) No
**Yes
*******************
30) October 6, 2009 2:50 PM... Gray said... Have you lied on any of these questions? Have you ever considered attending a meeting of your fans?
1) Err.... No... *cough*. 2) HA... negative
31) October 6, 2009 4:15 PM... Ted Kennedy's Ghost said ... Would you ever consider letting us know who you really are? Have you ever attended an old timers wrestling convention and marked out?
1) No. 2) God no.
32) October 6, 2009 6:58 PM... elmarko said... Right, fuck this. Everyone nail him (her?) with questions about his work industry. We'll never get anything solid out of him but we can finally get a vague idea about that. It's like that game Guess Who or whatever it was called. Do you work in the medical industry or emergency services? Do you work in the banking industry?
Uh oh. 1) No. 2) No
33) October 6, 2009 7:37 PM... Anonymous said... Have you worked at the same job for more than 5 years? Do you get drunk more than 3 times a week?
1) .... nooooo 2) ..... no-ish
There are times when I want to blog all the time and you and I have a nice give and take/back and forth thing going. Then there are times when I just want to hit the fucking delete button and be done with it. But I don't because, well, you never know when this thing might come in handy.
Currently, I don't feel like blogging, so there will be gaps between posts. And now the obligatory reminder that this isn't a column and I am not required to deliver anything and blah blah blah...
You ever notice that the longer my posts. The more posts I do that have actual content, the less you all respond? If I continue to write here and end up puking up 2000 words, it'll take a month to hit 50 comments. But if I stop right now, I'll hit 100 by Wednesday. Of course, 74 of those 100 will be just one guy posting dozens of times anonymously, but still.
****************
Anyway, let's try this. For the next few days, you may ask me ANYTHING and you will get a 100% true answer. I will be honest and open and all the way truthful. No lies here. You may also ask me one follow-up question of which I will ALSO answer 100% truthfully, to the best of my abilities.
Here's the catch. They must be Yes or No questions. I will say nothing but Yes or No... but they will be 100% honest. Yes or No is all you get. Not a letter more.
AND ONLY TWO QUESTIONS PER CUSTOMER. If you post a list I will just answer the first two and then move on.
Might be fun.
***************************************
Wrestling Stuff
In TRUE WWE form, the whole "Guest Host" gimmick is both brilliant and ridiculously short-sighted at the same time. It's brilliant because it does get a guest star to appear on Raw every week, and depending on where the host comes from, gets a variety of different media sources talking about pro wrestling every week.
Well... heh, making FUN of wrestling every week, I should say.
But its a neat idea. I like that Ben Roethlisberger is raising shit with the sports media and his own Coach by taking a guest host gig tomorrow wthout telling him, and bringing his whole offensive line with him. I also like that the previous week, that loudmouth Al Sharpton showed up and managed to make the whole locker room stand up and applaud him for doing next to nothing his whole life other than get behind causes that serve his needs more than anyone elses.
And its a hoot to see these little actors run around like unaware assholes. Seth Green looked like a 12 year old kid out there.
But then there is the part where the Guest Host just fucks the WWE in its own ass. Bob Barker had no idea where he was. He just knew that he was getting paid to do a spoof on his own gameshow and that he'll get 5 minutes to seriously plug his book. That's it. All these morons are spoting on about how GREAT he was on Raw. Of COURSE he was great... he's been in front of the cameras for over 35 years... he didn't need to know anything about where he was and he could've winged it on autopilot. He was probably wandering around backstage asking everyone when Lou Thesz was showing up.
Barker is such a seasoned pro, he could read a Chinese phonebook, mispronounce every single name, and still do a fine job. He didn't know WWE, and he still doesn't.
And then there was Jeremy Piven, who does not follow wrestling at all. Called "SummerSlam", "SummerFest", and was probably thrilled that Kelly Kelly had better coke on her then he did, and who didn't need much convincing to spread for him.
The more unique a giuest host they score, the more they look like a third rate trailer trash outlet. In the "talk show" game, where everyone sees your place based on the quality of guests you book, WWE is on par with "Chelsey Lately". In other words, they get D-List celebs who have to beg to get on Jimmy Fallon.
Which doesn't exactly kick open the doors of Hollywood for these folks.
So... you get media coverage (but not the best kind), a way to convince yourself that you are still a giant PULSE on heart of pop culture (you're not) and you give the fans a fresh, interesting reason to tune in every Monday (of course, they want to see WRESTLING, not the Big Show square off against someone new every week). ANd if no stars are available, you book retired wrestlers for a more traditional episode... and get to see yoga intructors... nevermind.
It's a great concept... and makes them look every bit as low rent as they constantly fight against.
But its all for the kids, anyway. WWE is a PG show! For the KIDS! No one is actually TELLING the kids this... as their core audience is still 25-40 year old leftovers from the late 90's. And the kids are busy watching UFC, like most everyone else.
Meanwhile, I'll be watching the "Hell in the Cell" PPV tonight. I want to see how they book THREE cage matches and make each one interesting... without blood.
Without blood. Jesus.
(HOURS LATER)
-It wasn't bad, wasn't sensational either but these PPVs rarely are.
Punk vs Undertaker wasn't exactly a "Hell in the Cell" match. It was a fairly strait forward match with a cage around it that they hardly used. I don't think 'Taker's gonna make it to 20-0 at Wrestlemania. He's barely moving... like, he's Kevin Nash-immobile.
Ironically, like Nash, Taker's in the best looking shape we've ever seen him. Really nice and fit from the waist up.
Punk's main problem is that he still sells like he's in the Indys. His facial PAIN expressions are borderline parody, like he's just goofing around and mugging for the fans. He needs to take it down a notch.
I guess even though they need the future, they aren't ready to put Punk quite over the big guns. That Russian dude, Vladimir Koslov, oh sure, he can pin Taker clean on free TV with no response, but their ain't no way Punk can get a little shine on with a major win.
Punk is fucking Lita. Oh there has GOT to be assplay involved - some dirty, kinky sex going down between those two. The way he scores around you have to figure he landed Stratus. And Batista got some of that too. Just saying.
By the way, Punk is hailed as the "First Ever Straight Edge World Champion"... heh... ha! Nice to see them admit all the other champions were juiced up coke-heads.
-Dolf Ziggler, when his hair is sweaty and flopping around, looks just like Jeff Jarrett. Interesting choice.
John Morrision looked quite pale while wrestling the heavily spray-tanned Ziggler. I'll bet a lot of money that this was Morrison's biggest concern when he watched the replay. "Aw maaan, I look like fucking Caspar!!"
-I noticed with most Diva matches that they work very deliberatly. Not much chain wrestling or sequences here. Lots of slow moving between spots. Crowd was dead for this, too. So was I. Who's this black chick?
-LOVED the tag championship match. It's what this company does very well, mixing big guys with little guys and telling the appropriate story with some good twists. It also helps that the Big Show always does what's right for business and knows that he can sell for Mysterio and still look monstrous.
Part of the fun of watching Batista nowadays is waiting for the next muscle to peel off the bone. I'm guessing the triceps... by Christmas.
-This was... BY FAR... the most enjoyable Randy Orton match I've ever seen. He can give lessons on how to make facial expressions and still sell but without leaving his character. Punk should be made to study Orton's work. The fans are popping for the guy because he is fresh, a new kind of character, something we haven't seen before, and he's the character from the second he steps out there to the second he leaves.
Seriously, I'm talking Austin, Rock, 80's Piper unique. One of a kind. And the fans want so badly to cheer him... but the WWE won't allow it. Cena is their poster child... that fake, marketed, puppet Cena who smiles nice and brings in those kiddies they want so bad. Orton is an original; Cena is a marketing gimmick. And the fans know this.
This was ANOTHER match that was barely a Hell in the Cell. Nothing was accomplished that couldn't have been done without a cage. Except Orton won clean... thank God.
-I was taking a big shit during R-Truth vs Drew McIntyre. The match was over before I finished the loaf.
-The Miz is starting to grow on me... and a lot of people I assume... and he can cut promos as good as anyone in the business, which will serve him very well...
... but he's not main event. No shot. He can have a lovely mid-card career and can cut awesome promos... but he'll need a huge makeover to be taken seriously. I don't see him moving up to the next level. Let's just hope he doesn't end up crying about it on Twitter or whatever the next big social network gimmick will be next year, like Matt Hardy does.
Jack Swagger fascinates me. First, he comes out and pounds his chest like a retarded King Kong. He's got these gigantic teeth that his lips have to stretch to cover... and can't stay covered for long as ou always see them pop back open. He's always bigger than he appears and is usually booked as a Brock Lesnar like monster athlete.
And I think they would LOOOVE to crown him the "Next big thing", but they are very careful about pushing someone to the moon like that again.
He'll never be a face, that kid... too snarky. Even his smile is fake... with all those teeth.
Anyway, Kofi Kingston keeps his belt, which is strange since of the three in that match, his character has the least vti of development. "And here's Kofi Kingston, a Jamaican flyer who likes to have fun!" That's it. Take the title off him and he's still smiling and having fun and looking like he should be serving me and my girl Pina Coladaz at the Resort with hardcore bloodshot eyes.
-Now... see... DX vs Legacy was a Hell in the Cell match. They told a cool story that featured Shawn getting trapped in the cage wit the two of them while HHH was kind enough to pretend to be knocked out for a while.
Punk should watch HBK tapes too, especially from the last couple of years, on the art of working a match with expressions. It will become vital when the body can't go 100 miles per hour all the time anymore and yet you still want to deliver excellent matches.
Sheesh, how much hair did HBK leave in the ring after his Undertaker Wrestlemania match? Boy's losing it by the handful now. WHERE'S YOUR GOD NOW, SHAWN???
HHH managed to break into the cage and save the day, but it made sense and the kids looked good. And it was a true Hell in the Cell match which did play up the special brutality of the gimmick.
And Orton won my heart. He could be the One, if they stop ignoring the cheers for the fucking guy.
Alright... there's some analysis. Hit me with the Yes or No questions... or comment on what I just talked about. Or don't comment and maybe I'll post again before Halloween... if you're lucky.
By the way, for Halloween I'm going to be a Yoga Instructor. Just need a brown wig, lots of makeup, and I'll spend the night trying to bend over backwards and form a bridge... and wipe out each time.
Heh heh heh... ho ho ho.... ha.
************************
Heh. I crack myself up.
So let's answer some questions. And I'll give a little clue here: My answers, simple as they are, sometimes are not so simple.
1) 1) October 5, 2009 8:29 AM... elmarko said... are you actually female? Is Flea a real person?
No. Yep.
2) October 5, 2009 11:14 AMAnonymous said... Are you one of the writers on 411 mania but go by a different name? Do you really know Trish Stratus?
1) HA... fuck no. 2) Yes
3) October 5, 2009 11:36 AM... kris said... Have you made more than $5000 total writing about wrestling on the internet?
No
4) October 5, 2009 12:04 PM... Arrakis said... If..."a woman"...offered to spend the rest of her life with you, would you give up your real name?
... uhh.... yes?
5) October 5, 2009 1:09 PM... Anonymous said... Two questions then. 1. Are you actually a woman? 2. Are you bitter?
1) WHAT??? NO!! 2) Nope.
6) October 5, 2009 1:41 PM... Moonage Daydream said... If you knew for a fact that you could get away with it, would you kill somebody?
No
7) October 5, 2009 1:55 PM... Tilly said... If any of us met you in real life, without knowing your online persona... would we like you? Does any part if you regret what you've written online in the past... like, for example, the Mark Madden's mom comments?
1) Yup. 2) Nah.
8) October 5, 2009 2:55 PM... Anonymous said... Or loved and lost. Sorry man, I'm totally fuckin high.
Understood. Yes.
9) October 5, 2009 3:17 PM... P. J. said... If human feces was identical on a molecular lever to your favorite food, would you eat it?
.... no...
10) October 5, 2009 3:33 PM... Anonymous said... Have you ever heard anyone mention Hyatte, or the IWC in general, in the course of your "real" life?
Hmmm.... Yes.
11) October 5, 2009 3:56 PM... Jay said... As for my question, and since it has to be yes or no I'll phrase it like this: do you a PG version of the WWE can ever reach the heights of popularity and mainstream recognition that the attitude era did?
No.
12) October 5, 2009 4:10 PM... Anonymous said... Have you ever been arrested? Is Flea a millionaire?
1) No. 2) .... yes?
13) October 5, 2009 4:39 PM... Christopher said... Do you work in a professional office environment? -I have this image of you working in a cubicle during the SCOOPS days and just pounding out the mop-ups before a big meeting the next day.
Have you ever gone 500 or more miles away from your primary residence at that time for pussy?
1) Nope. 2) Si.
14) October 5, 2009 5:57 PM... Anonymous said... 1. have you ever met trish stratus in person? 2. if so have you ever been alone with her?
1) Yeah. 2) No.
15) October 5, 2009 7:24 PM... Does it matter said... Did you pick the yes/no format to avoid real answers?
1) No, stupid.
16) October 5, 2009 11:48 PM... JesseBaker said... 1. Given how he turned into a batshit crazy stalker with a chip on his shoulder, do you regret taking Josh Grutman under your wing and giving him his big break on 411Wrestling/Inside Pulse 2. Did you ever freak Trish Stratus out with your devotion to her?
1) No. 2) Nah.
17) October 6, 2009 12:07... Sean said... 1) Has Trish ever given you a clear indication that she reciprocated the way you feel about her? 2) Would you ever spill the details on your "relationship" with her?
1)... heh... yeah. 2) Nope.
18) October 6, 2009 12:47 AM... Anonymous said... Do you have a kid? Will you ever talk about her/him?
1) no. 2) no.
Aha, and with the answers, more questiona arise. This might end up being fun.
*************************
19) October 6, 2009 1:15 AM... Anon-E-Mouse said... Have you ever wanted to bitch-slap somebody over a comment they left? Would you want to hang out with anyone whose posted here?
1) Oh God... YES! 2) Sure.
20) October 6, 2009 1:20 AM... Factor said... Could Ace of Base been HUGE if they had not been blinded by that damn Sign? I mean,with all the living in danger they were doing?
No.
21) October 6, 2009 9:49 AM... Anonymous said... Did you attend college at any point?
Have you ever heard anyone mention your columns in real life, without them realizing you were "Hyatte"?
1) Yes. 2) No.
22) October 6, 2009 11:25 AM... Anonymous said... Do you work in what could be classed, broadly as the creative industries eg. any form of design/advertising agency, anything connected to tv/film, music or photography, publishers? Are you Trish Stratus?
1) No and 2) What? No.
23) October 6, 2009 11:32 AM... Anonymous said... 1) If you knew for sure that certain female someones would never read you again, would you continue this blog? 2) If Trish got divorced, do you believe you have a realistic shot?
1) Sure. 2) Mmmmmmmmm.... no
24) October 6, 2009 11:43 AM... Ted Kennedy's ghost said... Do you know that Jeff Smalls wrote this week about Tammy and the dude that faked you out? Will you ever go after Smalls?
1) Nope. No, fuck him.
25) October 6, 2009 12:06 PM... Bri The King Of Alabama said...
RE: Smalls. Bit misleading, it was a brief (and pretty positive) mention:
"So last week Lacey Von Erich decided to take on the role as the voice of the TNA locker room by straight up hatin' on the deported Angelina Love. However, since the age of kayfabe is over, Erich was likely reprimanded and had to apologize on her Twitter page. Since then, Erich has received scorn from the IWC, many of my Smallophiles, and most importantly, ex-WWE Diva Tammy Sytch! And yes, this is the real Sunny, not the dude that tricked Hyatte. (Those were the days.) "
Yes
26) October 6, 2009 12:43 PM... Anonymous said... Smalls is a punk... Hyatte should lay him to waste. He should "fuck him till he loves him" Yes? No?
*YAWN*... no
27) October 6, 2009 12:59 PM... Anonymous said... Would you ever take another job writing for a wrestling site? Have you had sex with more than one woman at at time?
(if yes, can you tell me how to accomplish this?)
1) Yes. 2) No
28) October 6, 2009 1:32 PM... fbintx said... Do you earn more than $50K a year?
Do you floss? (you should)
1) Yessiree 2) Well.... ya
29) October 6, 2009 1:46 PM... Anonymous said... Are you a bitter writer? Have you ever been in a wrestling ring?
**This question an answer thing is fun.
1) ASSHOLE!! 5) October 5, 2009 1:09 PM... Anonymous said... 2. Are you bitter?
NO!!! READ THESE THINGS FULLY!!!
2) No
**Yes
*******************
30) October 6, 2009 2:50 PM... Gray said... Have you lied on any of these questions? Have you ever considered attending a meeting of your fans?
1) Err.... No... *cough*. 2) HA... negative
31) October 6, 2009 4:15 PM... Ted Kennedy's Ghost said ... Would you ever consider letting us know who you really are? Have you ever attended an old timers wrestling convention and marked out?
1) No. 2) God no.
32) October 6, 2009 6:58 PM... elmarko said... Right, fuck this. Everyone nail him (her?) with questions about his work industry. We'll never get anything solid out of him but we can finally get a vague idea about that. It's like that game Guess Who or whatever it was called. Do you work in the medical industry or emergency services? Do you work in the banking industry?
Uh oh. 1) No. 2) No
33) October 6, 2009 7:37 PM... Anonymous said... Have you worked at the same job for more than 5 years? Do you get drunk more than 3 times a week?
1) .... nooooo 2) ..... no-ish
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