1)August 19, 2007 1:48 PM
Anonymous asks... What was the whole situation with you and Sean Shannon.
Hasn't this been covered a few million times already?
Sean was a kid who hung around the right web writers and started a "no rules, sky's the limit" website named the NWWWO. I made a crack about him in the Mop-Up recap. He responded with a full column dedicated to me. I made another crack. He decicated ANOTHER full column to me. I e-mailed him asking how far he wanted to go with this. I forget what the hell he said but it was looooong. And then, because I was a terror who wrote 5 hours worth of recaps filled with rude jokes and evil comments all in one sitting while guzzling through two-three POTS of blacker than Africa coffee. I started ragging on him and didn't stop until... like... 20 months later.
During this feud, which Sean was clearly NOT cut out for but stubborn pride kept him from stopping, I ragged on him, his family, his virginity, his gayness, his friends, his piss poor writing, everything... everything. I made it personal and he took the bait and I am CONVINCED that my name was a topic of conversation around the Sean Shannon family dinner table. Probably reaching a crescendo around the time I found his phone number and called him and told him "I'm your worst nightmare," or some such. In fact, the conversation went like this:
(Female voice) "Hello?"
Me: "Is Sean there?"
(Female voice) "Oh..." (which clued me in on the fact that Sean wasn't one to receive many phone calls) "One moment..."
(brief pause... voices... commotion)
Sean: "Hello?"
Me: "Is this Sean?"
Sean: "Who is this?"
Me: "Is this Sean 'Slym' Shannon from the NWWWO?"
Sean: "......"
Me: "......"
Sean: "WHO IS THIS?"
Me: "Well this is your worst nightmare pal!! I'm gonna..."
Sean: *CLICK*
He was a fun target.
Sean quit writing about wrestling after Steve Corino invited him to step into the ring after one pissy, negative ECW recap too many. Rather than simply say, "Fuck off, Corino. I write what I think and tough shit if you don't like it. You're paid to perform on stage and I have a forum to critique it." He claimed he was born with "spinal bifida" and could NEVER take a bump like that. That hunking slice of bullshit pretty much did the kid in.
The adventures of Sean didn't stop after I left him alone and he left the business of talking wrestling. He opened up his blog site and for the past five years or so has reached new heights in self-loathing. If you read his blog you WILL have no choice but to take stock of your own life and say, "Hmm, not bad!"
Over the last 5 years of bloggery, I have learned the following about Sean Shannon:
1) He's a female trapped in a male body. I kid you not.
2) He's nearing 30 years old and he has owned exactly one car... a used Toyota... and it has yet to run well.
3) He's nearing 30 years old (and actually may have passed it by now) and STILL LIVES AT HOME.
4) He went back to college, joined the Gay Club, became something of an important officer there, and within two semester ended up being hated by everyone there.
5) He's into bondage
6) He's a fiend for that video dancing thing.
7) He's always off diet.
8) He had to buy a video dancing machine for his home because too many people at the arcade thought he was "creepy"
9) He looks like a girl shaped like a bowling pin.
10) I'm fairly sure his Dad hates him.
11) He has no clue how to have a social life.
12) He can't afford the surgery to turn him into a woman. Damn this world.
13) After 5 years of blogging and BEGGING for comments, even going so far as to open his own message board, he rarely, if ever gets a comment.
My all time favorite Sean Shannon.org moment is when he spent WEEKS talking about a birthday party he was throwing for himself, using the blog to say when and where and how much FUN he had planned. Well, his birthday came and went and the very next day he wrote:
"Well, I arrived to the restaurant for my birthday party and of course, no one showed up."
And that sentence sums up Sean Shannon perfectly.
2) August 19, 2007 4:44 PM
Anonymous asks... How would you reform economics?
August 19, 2007 4:54 PM
Anonymous asks... Would you ever suck Dave Scherer's cock?
August 19, 2007 5:04 PM
Anonymous asks... Tiny TIm has his on board on the DOI...what do you think of that stupid gimp?
I told you people, ONE QUESTION PER CUSTOMER FOR THE 18 HOUR SHOOT. Look at the time of these posts. He asked a question, asked another one a minute later, then asked a third ten minutes later. If you're going to try to scam me, please be smarter about it.
I would hire top accountants to do it. No. I don't pay attention to "Tiny Tim" or his board.
And that wraps up all the questions... but a few more have popped up so why not answer some more:
August 20, 2007 12:50 PM
Relevance said... So, moving on from your wrestling heyday- you say you are writing a comedy fiction story. Isn't the market super saturated? How will yours stand out? Are you going to allow us to pre-read some of it? Do you need a cover?
Well, it'll stand out because it's a spin on a genre which has this formula that is SUPER SUPER saturated. I'll get into that more when I feel more comfortable talking about it.
Plus, it's my humor + my wit + an honest to goodness plot that won't be obvious from page one.
I don't know about leaking out bits and pieces of it, and "cover art" is something I'll worry about when someone buys the thing.
You want a cocktease? Okay, I have just finished the chapter where my hero hired a crackhead black guy to raise hell with a bunch of strange dudes. The crackhead was beaten up and tossed out. The Hero, named Crash, avoided a mob of strangely feminine dudes, ran into their gym, and after having a standoff with John Lennon with a shotgun, confronted Roy Orbinson about his homosexual affair with a Jewish accountant. Crash wants his film back. He also learns the secret to these strange dudes and he sees the word "DAMP" for the second time.
There you go. Interested?
August 20, 2007 8:07 PM
Anonymous said... You mean the book isn't an exploitation of the Benoit situation like Keith is doing? Cash in now man! Don't let the silly Canuckians steal all the money.
I have nothing even remotely new or insightful to say about Chris Benoit. Neither does Scott, by the way. He gets these deals because he writes them almost for free.
August 24, 2007 1:08 PM
Lindsay said... Any regrets?
Yeah. I should've quit the column years ago. Let's face it, I wore out my welcome about four years ago. Instead of going out right on top, I let myself burn into the ground.
Don't feel the need to raise my spirits either. You know and I know I stayed much too long.
August 24, 2007 3:25 PM
Anonymous said... We need to know the full story on Trish and how you got to be her ebuddy. A to Z.
You know, that's a story that she can tell. I've said pretty much all I'm ever going to say about her.
The nice thing about this whole Trish thing is that it gave me a few months of killer column material.
One thing that never bothered me is that people sometimes say, "Hyatte got worked by a Trish imposter." Thing with that is, you can think what you want on that. I know the score, she knows the score, and no one else on the planet could possibly know the score... and it isn't like anything really happened.
If you want to know, Trish online has a wicked sense of humor and a real smart mouth. However, she always gives off the impression that you aren't a real person to her... just a screen name. I've been in chat rooms with her, it's how she talks to everyone. She doesn't do "real" conversations. She's all about small talk and chit-chat. It's not her fault. She spent the most social years of her life either posing for pictures, training for posing for pictures, or on the WWE endless work machine. I think she looks at everyone like, "What does this person want from me?" and is always on guard. No matter how many years you are "friends" with her, you'll always get just so far and never an inch farther.
I often wondered if all hot, famous girls are like that, and come to the conclusion that I'll never get to know another one to decide.
We always got along, and whenever she got bitchy or rude with me, I stopped e-mailing her and didn't talk to her for a while. It drove her CRAZY!!
By the way, Armed and Famous was a horrible show. Just a bad idea from the start. Luckily, I never watched it.
August 25, 2007 3:35 AM
Anonymous said... Whst's in Gloomchen's trunk underneath her bed?
Sex toys. But the REAL story behind that is that her boyfriend of several years never knew about it or asked about it or even suggested that they bring some toys into the ol' bedroom to liven things up.
Gloomie is an interesting story, and since she spent a good chunk of time yammering about me to anyone who would listen while I stayed nice and quiet, I sometimes wonder if I owe her a nice "My side of the story" story. However, we exchanged notes some time ago, I explained to her in perfect clarity that if she didn't shut her face I would unload on her, her family, and her new husband. She has since seen the futilty of continuing (plus she got over it) and moved on. So I'll leave it at that.
Oh, and if you read her blog with any degree of consistency, without commenting or saying anything about it, you are a "stalker" in her eyes. It's the first time someone from half a country away had called me a stalker without me even leaving my home. Cool.
August 25, 2007 3:36 AM
Anonymous said...How's Grut doing? Have you spoke to him since your feud?
I imagine he's still toiling away at that no man's land known as "Inside Pulse". No, Josh Grut is completely out of my universe and it's staying that way.
By the way, there was never a "feud" with me and him. Lord knows he tried to get one going, but I wasn't biting.
Okay... all the questions are answered. Now I'm going to think about something new to write about. Anything in particular you want me to write about?
