Doozy Delivered

I promised to attack a big chunk of comments from the past which I never got to, AND I GUARANTEED a response to almost everything in the entry below.

So we're looking at... 50 comments answered or so.

Thus, let's just hop right to them. I'll alternate between recent and 4 monthers... so you just can't scroll... NO YOU CAN'T!! YOU MUST READ EVERY WORD!!!

TWICE!!!!

1) January 14, 2008 4:35 PM Anonymous said... Ever watch Rock of Love? Something about it reminds me of you. Also, I'm not sure if I ever pointed this out, but you were totally wrong about the finale of SatC. Incidentally, good to see you back. Aces.

Something about "Rock of Love" reminds you about ME?? That I'm bald like Bret Micheals? That I'm such a STUD I have women lined up to blow me?? THANKS, DUDE!!

Oh... that I'm so desperate for attention that I pay girls to line up and perform for the benefit of my love? And I sucker a desperate basic cable station to film it?

Thanks, asshole...

No, I never watched it and I never will. Holds no interest for me. I didn't give Bret Michaels my money in the 80's when he and his little bandmates were ripping off Motley Crue and I don't intend on doing so now.

Do any of you understand the NIGHTMARE that was 80's heavy metal? EVERY SINGLE BAND dressed up like Jersey sluts going out on a friday night. And the music was GAY!!

My goal is to fist a girl while Jon Bovi is moaning about Tommy taking his guitar to the pawn shop because the Teamsters are striking. A white girl.

SatC... ah, Sex and the City. I believe my theory that all four girls were just figmented aspects of Sarah Jessica Parker's mind has yet to be disproved. Thanx.

And not EVERY rose has a thorn! Bret Michaels is a LIAR!!

2) January 14, 2008 5:13 PM Tito said... I probably missed it...what is your book about?

It's about Joe.






Joe MOMMA!! ZING!!!!!!!!

3) January 23, 2008 1:03 AM Anonymous said... How about you spell Gretzky with a Z next time. Retard. Otherwise, great work.

Oh its Hockey... who cares.

But it is funny. All through the last few weeks, the entire Boston area suddenly caught a case of "Bruin Fever"... for two amazing weeks, Bruins hockey tickets were the HOTTEST item going. People left work early to hit the bars and watch the B's. People were debating, gabbing, discussing, arguing over the Bruins chances at lunch tables and water coolers. Men set the TiVos for Bruin games. Talk radio had little else on its plate other than the B's. For two shining weeks, after YEARS of being ignored... the Boston Bruins were hotter than Tom Brady and the New England Patriots.

Then they lost the other night 5-0, blown out of the playoffs after winning three tough games.

And suddenly, Boston forgot it had a hockey franchise again... but we suddenly remembered that we have an NBA franchise, and THEY'VE finally woke up after a twenty year nap.

Nothing sillier than fair weather sports fans.

Meanwhile, I can't name one Bruin player. Is Bobby Orr still playing?

I'll get into this sport when I have to... like, if I meet a girl who loves it and I like her. Then I'll do research, homework, study the craft, and be the biggest fan you've ever seen. Because there will be PUSSY at the end of the third inning!!

My version of a hat trick will be to do her vag, then her butt, then let her clean it out with her mouth!

4) January 29, 2008 4:15 PM Acoustic-Fury said... What do you think of that movie coming out called "Jumper"?

I thought it was a great movie to not watch... and MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of people agreed with me.

5) April 22, 2008 12:14 PM... Anonymous said... I will make you cry

How? You gonna get married and let me find out through a fucking wrestling dirt sheet writer?

6) April 22, 2008 12:14 PM... Anonymous said... So is Christopher your real first name?

Of course... and I hated it for about half my life... then I grew to like it. Plus it has "Christ" in it. So I'm clearly one of the boys up there in Heaven. It's almost like I have a free pass and extra benefits.

Anf there is nothing hotter then a girl calling me "Christopher". Ham Slow (black girl at work) knows this and calls me by my full name all the time.

It's always nice when a relationship makes its first real advancement once she stars calling you by your first name in a casual sense.

I once had a third grade teacher who suggested my nickname should be "Stopher" (ie: Stuffer) Were I a bit older and had the lightening fast wit that I have now, I would've suggested that she go sit on a fucking rattlesnake with herpes integrated in it's venom. But I was a shy kid, so I went red faced and sheepishly mumbled something. "Stopher" never took hold. Thank Bloody Allah and his pork worshipping minions for that!!

Leave it to dear old Dad to call me "Chrissy" during more laid back moments. Thanks Dad for the extra emotional scarring... why not just make me dress up like Suzanne Sommers and prance around the living room, you miserable bastard!!

What?? WHERE DO YOU PEOPLE THINK I GOT THE ANGER FOR TEN YEARS OF BRUTAL, HILARIOUS, RAGE-FUELED COLUMNS!!!

I like my first name now. My last name can suck a cock.

7) April 17, 2008 3:12 AM... Anonymous said... Will you post an email we can reach you at for those of us that don't care to hang out in your comments section? I only knew the glorydog email which has since been destroyed.

Oh its not destroyed, rest assured, somewhere, glorydog@cox.net is alive and well and sitting pretty as the most appropriate mailbox address I will ever have.

Unfortunately, after a TERRORIST stole my password and turned my poor address into a mass e-mail bomb... a TOOL FOR SPAMMING DESTRUCTION... things were never the same.

Now hotmail, yahoo, and even gmail sees cox.net and sends it right to spam control. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. So its useless.

I have a blackberry email account, but that's for work. Although its not work-related and only I see the content, it's for work.

The easiest thing for me to do is to turn the comments into "Moderation first"... then you can write whatever you want and if you prefer not to have it posted, just tell me. But I don't want that and none of you do either... you like instant gratification! You like to post a comment and see it pop up IMMEDIEATLY!! Then you can read it again and again and keep rechecking for any responses.

You know... like I've been doing since 1997 right up until I hit Publish today.

So you're stuck, pal. Sorry. What did you want to talk about? Comic books? Jeff Small?

8) January 8, 2008 11:40 PM Anonymous said... I join with someone way up the chain here that asked, how many comments does it take to fill up this thing? Other than that, Hyatte, how you think your Pats are gonna hold up against the Jags?

Well I do admit to liking it when I break over 50 comments... but if you don't think there are one or two anonymous mutts making 20 comments each, and if they don't think I know this... then you are FREAKING CRAZY!!!

... and then the repeat comments from the people who do use their names.

So really, I have 4 readers. But man, you people are PASSIONATE!!

And I think the Pats will DESTROY the Jags and SKATE to the Superbowl and DEMOLISH whoever is unlucky enough to win the NFC division and New England will sing songs about it for MONTHS!!! And the Fairy Tale season will end in a flash of JOY!!

It's just so terribly RETARDED to be answering questions from four months ago.

9) January 9, 2008 11:30 AM Meltzer said... "I won't stay away for another 20 days". It'll be 21. Tell me Hyatte - what exactly do you do that keeps you from us for so long?

Dave Meltzer!! You son of a whore!!

I work for a living, sir. I earn myself a paycheck every week that goes to things that keep me fed and a roof over my head. And beer... and porn.

You'll see a lot more of me online here once Stratus gets divorced. REPORT THAT, DAVE!!

10) January 5, 2008 9:31 AM Bigly said... You used to do a funny little bit where you ran off a list of celebrities and whatnot that were gay/had std's/participated in scandalous activities and then added commentary that's much better than anything TMZ or D-Listed or any of those other wanna-be pap sites can come up with.....as much as I'd love a return of that focusing on average joes you'd like to out I'd be just as happy with an overall return of the B-List....or whatever the F you called it.

You know, I would do it... but Perez Hilton pretty much created an overnight cottage industry on the exact same concept.

I love that site... and that little fagola. He's a trip. He's also a major league starwhore... and I think he's smart enough to know that his sort of popularity never lasts much longer then the cliched "15 minutes". So he's striking now, while the iron is hot.

Apparently, however, he gives Paris Hilton a free pass... for some crazy reason.

There was nothing better then spending the past year logging onto Perez Hilton and seeing what Britney Spears was up to last night.

11) January 3, 2008 12:16 AM Anonymous said... JT says... So Chris, what is your real first name? And when are you going to post that picture of yourself you said you would? Those are some questions... and I am probably your biggest fan. I turned a lot of people on to your column over the years and now your blog. I wouldn't say I have a man crush, and I am in Texas so stalking you is not really in my future. I really think you are just a guy like me who enjoys (or did) wrestling, has a wit about you and can really express yourself in writing. I think most of your stuff is not made up while some of the outlandish stuff might be embelished. I think you love your mom - ok, that's just cuz you have talked so much about her over the years. Anyway, you are entertaining. I think your book will be worth the read and I would love to see you back writing a column, maybe not on a wrestling site per say, but maybe somewhere you could be paid. Do you pursue getting paid to write?
Ok, that's a lot so I will let you be again, but you know JT will always leave comments. Later Hy8 - oh and BRING BACK FLEA!!!

A: I told you my real first name. DON'T YOU HAVE A TIME MACHINE SO YOU COULD GO TO THE FUTURE TO THIS MOMENT AND READ MY ANSWER??? Jesus, people.

B: I believe I said that I will sneak a picture on here and keep it for a few hours at the strangest time and then remove it. Maybe I did that already? Did you not catch it? We-hell... sucks to be YOU, pal!

Or maybe I didn't do it and you're off the hook.

C: You are not my biggest fan. Sorry.

D: You can't stalk me because I'm busy stalking Trish. I'll be at her Yogurt Shoppe grand opening this coming Saturday and I will have email transcripts with me. I'll be signing autographs from noon 'til when the Mounted Police throw me out.

Its a step up from stalking Gloomchen!

E: If you're in Texas then you have a small penis. Sorry, it's how it works.

F: JT, I like you and all but... don't compare your wit to mine. I would blow you out of the ocean with only a TABLESPOON of my wit.

G: I will never write another column online again because I have nothing passionate to write about... other than this blog stuff, which I think about deleting at least 4 times a week.

H: No.

I: Keep leaving comments.

12) April 17, 2008 10:31 AM Anonymous said... JT says... So Hyatte, what's all this Jeff Small stuff? If you could work for ANY website/publication and ply your writing abilities, which one would it be? Do you think Mop ups would translate into other areas of life as sort of a social commentary? Just curious.

JT!!! YOU AGAIN????

Fuck Jeff Small and FUCK the one asshole (yeah, just one, I know it) who spent the last two months trying every which way to get me to attack him. Nitwit... no one on this planet can make me say something about someone if I don't want to... and NO one can sucker me!!

I would write a straight column for the Torch under a totally different name and work my way up to being paid for the newsletter and gain a Bruce Mitchell-level following and THEN reveal myself as Chris Hyatte and we will all just watch Wade Keller lose his SHIT.

The Mop-Ups couldn't translate into anything because, quite simply, I have lost the will to write them anymore. You have to understand, I tried to do Mop-Ups for TNA Impact for the DOI column and I couldn't... and that's one hour of RUSSO!! I couldn't do it. I can't do them. I'm not that guy anymore. FUCKING DEAL!!

13) April 17, 2008 12:40 PM Anonymous said... Someone may have already asked this so excuse mu redundancy. Have you ever considered writing a book on your experiences as an internet writer? Also what ever happened to you and that black girl. It seemed games were being played back and forth with no conclusion. It reminded me of one of those Dusty Rhodes finishes.

HAHAHAHAHA!! A book on my Net experiences! HAHAHAHAAAA!

Bob Ryder supposingly wrote a book about his "rise" from Internet geek to TNA travel agent... it was supposed to be published December '06, just in time for the Holidays.

Yeah, it came and went so fast Amazon can't even offer a used copy OR a review

I'm flattered that you think I actually did more than I did here... but a book about my online experiences would be pages and pages of how I scratched my ass while looking for gay jokes and shoving Pat Patterson's name in there.

And I don't keep my chat transcripts.

There is not a market for what I do, or did. I'm sorry, there just isn't. Which is why I am writing a book that has NOTHING TO DO WITH WRESTLING...

Flea's in it, by the way. As is a character named "Patty".

14) April 17, 2008 1:26 PM Anonymous said... Were you the one who bought the OnlineOnslaught domain name for 2 thousand bux?

Sir, I think you greatly over-estimate my hunger for the continued fucking over of Mr. Rick Scaia.

15) January 2, 2008 8:25 AM Brian said... I gotta say I have a bit of a man crush on you Hyatte. Even with the long breaks this is a rather solid blog and for some reason I never get that fake feeling I get with most other blogs. I hope 2008 makes you happy, I sincerly hope that. In a way you helped guide me in the right direction that made 2007 much better than it had any right to be. Two spinal surgerys yet I still made it out happy, having a life and dropping 75+ pounds will do that to you. And you are partly to thank for that. You come of as an asshole and a hardass but at the end of the day you really are a good man. Thank you Chris for a good 2007 and most likley a better 2008. Peace Brian

You're welcome, Brian. I have no clue what you are talking about. Did I tell you to get surgery? Did I give you diet tips?

Oh I totally believed I made your 2007 bearable. While I was just struggling to BREATHE UNDER THE TREMENDOUS WEIGHT OF DEPRESSION I was churning out brilliant columns... well, until March... then I just drank beer, ate McDonalds, and cried.

You lost 75 pounds? What? Did you leave your kid by the side of the road and then floored it? Did you whistle BORN FREEEE as you drove? Did you give her a copy of "Into the Wild" DVD and say, "Do what this kid did... Alaska is that way!"?

But anyway, your welcome for making your meaningless life seem less meaningless.

16) January 2, 2008 9:20 AM Anonymous said... MySpace is the mark of the beast and Alex "Cream Pie" Lucard is a pussy. If you'd somehow made Lucard cry, this would've been the best late Christmas present ever. I love you Hyatte.

MySpace is not the mark of the beast! It's just.... lame.

I'm not making Lucard cry... and Lucard is one of those pussies who only talks about someone when he's sure they will never read it.

You know, he brags about being a paid writer and a SUPASTAR writer in his field... but his field is Pikachu and Goth videogames. There isn't a line of people waiting for an opportunity to write about Pikachu and Goth videogames.

Basically, if you can tell the difference between a period and a comma, you can do what he does. And if you have REAL talent, you wouldn't write what he writes anyway,

Oh, and he likes the cock. In his mouth, in his ass, in both at once. I'd fuck him up the ass with a dildo and then make him clean it off with his mouth.... DEEP. I'd LOVE to get him in prison... he'd be braiding my pubes.

I bet he has an effeminant voice too. I can tell... one of those high, flitty voices.

ANOTHER THING... he uses the word "yummy" alot. Never trust a fag who uses the word "yummy". GAY GAY GAY.

17) January 2, 2008 12:42 PM Anonymous said... You've probably told the story before, but I suck and don't feel like trying to find it - but why did you really leave 411 and then IP?

Because Widro was leaving, and I did not picture a world where Ashish would be posting my columns in a timely (ie: minutes after I submit them) fashion. In fact, I pictured a lot of, "I'll get to it when I'm good and ready, Hyatte" responses.

Both of them liked to make it a point to give me no special treatment. But Widro was the lesser of two douchebags

Meanwhile, these days, 411mania is more popular then ever. Its shocking.

18) April 18, 2008 7:01 AM...Patricia said... Yes Christopher is his real name but he prefers CHRISTOPHER. He won't post his email address as he doesn't want random people making small talk. Besides, his Glorydog address is still active. The one site that he would write for in a heartbeat is PWTorch.com. He may deny it but it's true. He hasn't finished writing his other book yet. The black girl fizzled out. he got bored of her and her ways. He wears briefs, when he decides to wear underwear at all. The qualities he looks for a woman: a pulse but this is not always necessary. His favorite song is something by Queen. Favorite TV show is Boston Legal. (Chris: take this as the pulling of your leg that it is). :)

A: Yup

B: I don't like random small talk online, no.

C: Glorydog isn't too active, anymore. WRONG!!

D: .... I wish I could quit Wade. I'd work for Meltzer too if only for the outrage my name on his site would incur.

E: The black girl... uhh.... she doesn't like me but I don't make her sick either.

F: I wear long briefs, but mostly boxers. I must wear underwear... because I have prematurely retired too many damn fine trousers because of brown streaks. I NEED FART PROTECTION!!!

G: Often times I must check for a pulse midway through.

H: My Queen phase died down somewhere in the late-90's. Where am I getting this rep for being hard for Queen? I don't even watch "The King of Queens"... although a friend of mine has the series box set and stays up all night watching episodes.

I: My favorite show is The Late Show with David Letterman. It's the only thing I've tried to make a point to watch every night since 1982.

Welcome back Patricia.

19) April 18, 2008 8:27 AM...stewie said... You should pull on his third leg

And welcome back to you too, Stewie...

Strange how the both of you pop up after a couple of weeks within just an hour apart. I am right now tapping the side of my head to show how I'M ONTO YOU!!!!

20) April 18, 2008 9:17 AM... Patricia said... Stewie - I have done already. It's nothing worth writing about.

Well maybe if you didn't squeeze it so hard, supergirl. It's not like milking a cow you know. I bet'cha your friend who just got back from Germany could teach you proper groping methods.

21) April 17, 2008 5:33 PM... Anonymous said... Who do you think has a better chance of winning in January, Hilary or Obama? I'm beginning to wonder if plenty of people are going to vote for the familiar (old white guy) no matter who opposes them.

You know, I am so disappointed with the Clintons AND I'm so disappointed in the American people. Hilary's desperation to be all things to all people... and her horrified outrage that she's actually getting beaten by a young, inexperienced, black senator who has all the gifts but NONE of the experience needed.

And the American people who are more in loved with the idea of being progressive enough to elect a black man then with what he can do to pull us out of this hole... the largest hole we've EVER been in since the Civil War. It's a god damn High School popularity contest and Hilary Clinton is the smart super-hot girl who was never likeable until she had to force herself to be because the down to earth dude is kicking her ass, so now she has to go to the auto-shop class and pretend to be a fiend for Hemi engines, then she has to go the the computer class and impress the geeks with her knowledge of HTML codes.

Hilary SHOULD win... in a fucking landslide... but she freaked out when Obama started gaining momentum and quickly resorted to dirty politics. She's doing what Al Gore did 8 years ago... when HE should've won in a landslide, but he was outcharmed by down home country GWB.

If McCain wins... and the Republicans win 4 more years, we are going to crumble as a nation. They are killing us, people... KILLING us.

Cut and dry, an oil company that made 47 BILLION in profits last year sould NOT be allowed to charge more for gas then most people can afford. Imagine the family with three kids, just three, who need to put in... $200 a week in gas just for both parents to get to work and back? But there they are... doing it, and no one can stop them.

I have to think even the red states have had enough. Say hello to our first black President. I hope he is even half as good as he says he is.

22) April 21, 2008 10:45 PM... Anonymous said... "It's gonna be Hilary v. Guliani come November." -Hyatte (paraphrased 'cause I'm sure as hell not digging for the quote) Well, seeing as you were dead wrong, care to update your predictions so we can mock those too in a few months?

Well... uhhh...

At the time, McCain was dead broke asnd firing all his staffers and it looked like he was about to call it quits. Then, of course, he got in bed with someone EVIL... like Big Oil... and suddenly he's flushed with cash and it was on!

Guiliani rode the "I kept New York Alive during 9/11! I'm America's Mayor" for as long as he could, but America can only take tried and true New Yorkers in limited doses.

Hilary still may politic her way into the nomination, but it won't be the feel good story of the year. It'll be dirty and nasty and shamefull.

I might just move to Canada if McCain wins... Toronto, actually.

23) January 2, 2008 9:33 PM Anonymous said... Fuck Gloomie? I hope that was after she lost 500 lbs, or whatever it was. Or do you like the big girls?

Any relationship I had with Summer "Gloomchen" Lorennson occured after she had dropped massive amounts of weight.

I don't mind chunky girls, so long as their face is fresh... but the line is very unstable. I like really skinny girls because they are just swimming in low self-esteem. Bony asses. Ick.

24) January 2, 2008 8:58 AM Patricia said... Aboot time..but you kept me waiting all this time for THAT? It was okay while it lasted...make a VOW to not leave so long between entries.. xx

I believe we established that Vows, at least between us, were made to be quickly forgotten. Anf the funny part is you probably forgot the reference by now.

And yes, I kept you waiting for THAT... and I poured ALL this energy into this massive DOOZY of a blog and all I get is "Good one, kid"

AND I'M OLDER THAN YOU, CHEESETOES!!!

Smitten... BLAHRGH...

25) January 1, 2008 11:01 PM... Anonymous said... Just wanted to say that you are SO RIGHT about this "sponsered ads" business. Checked out my own MS page and found: "Looking for washed-up, lazy, self-aggrandizing former IWC writers in the Washington area?" Good... God! They know! They know! Kidding, of course. I love ya like a sister.

The reference my anonymous friend is making is about my brilliant theory that MySpace runs ads on individual pages based on where the MySpacer surfs.

Unfortunately, the jokes on YOU, my friend... I am not in the Washington area... so your witty SMACKDOWN is a hard-nosed FAILURE. Why, if you bombed any harder, I'd call you "Flea 2"

26) January 2, 2008 9:24 AM Patricia said... The ads on Myspace are not related to what the owner of the page or what the browser of the page has been looking at on the web - they are related to what interests/key words are on the profile you are looking at. Example: If your interests were 'shoplifting, parrots and hunting deer with a kitchen knife' - you would see adverts related to those topics - or rather the person browsing your page would.

I only put this in because I meant to mention that this might be the funniest thing you've ever written here. Until recently, of course.

And its amazing what you remember and what you forget. Personally, I think you remember everything but play dumb when convienent. "Huh? I said THAT? Well, I don't remember so it doesn't count!"

And to the rest of you... no, me and her are not secretly married... and yes, we know it looks like we are.

27) January 10, 2008 10:22 AM Patricia said... Stop being a baby!! Email me.

Heh... HA... YOU FIRST!!

But that time I dressed in diapers and a bonnet for you... and you shoved my rattle in my... that place which was nevr made to hold rattles... you weren't telling me to stop then, Mother.

28) April 17, 2008 6:10 PM ... Anonymous said... The EVP of the "princess" on Ghost Hunters this week......too good? Are these guys above faking this kinda stuff?

You know, I don't know. If they are, they are very, very good about it. I don't think they are, though.

Look, it's a TV show, and its structured with a beginning, middle, and end, They even try to pull a climax off. It's not fiction, because too many people would try to expose them in a heartbeat... so the producers have to make people stick around through the commericals. So that's why they cut to break just as one of them whips around and whispers "WHAT'S THAT???" Then it turns out to be a sound guy tripping over his own dick.

I bought their book... Jason wrote the bulk of it and Grant added notes at the end of each story. They are clearly kind, decent men just trying to figure out what goes bump in the night. But sometimes they do a haunted place and come up empty, so the producers need to use whatever they have to make the show interesting.

I think the Princess was good, just not as good as some other stuff they've shown... but since it was edited properly, it looked AMAZING.

I still think they are dropping a MAJOR concept by not admitting that they are looking for God. But they are afraid to go THERE. Probably because they don't want to rock what they've got going.

29) April 17, 2008 9:43 PM... Anonymous said... What qualities do you look for in a woman? What physical traits and personality traits do you seek out?

Hmmm... nice face, fun ass, tits must be at least a B-cup. LONG hair... I cannot stress this enough... LONG hair!! Good with money because I SUCK at holding money... must be self-reliant because they WILL be the boss. They don't have to be great with kids because I am AMAZING with kids. And we must have that snap... the banter... the connection.

But they have to be honest with me. Too many girls lie to my face and think they got away with it. I love all women, but the ones who underestimate me are always in for a shock... and an embarrassment.

Basically, I'm a cliche... I won't be a bother, will be GREAT in the sack, WILL fuck their brains out... will snuggle... WILL be laid back... WILL charm all their friends... and will make them laugh all the time... but if they fuck with me, I fuck with them just as hard... because I can go A LONG TIME without contacting them. I CAN make them feel like I forgot all about them and moved on. Because often times, I had.

When you are prepared to be alone your whole life, a tremendous liberation washes over you.

Oh, and they must appreciate me every single minute of every single day and tell me so!! BECAUSE I AM A DELICATE LITTLE LOTUS FLOWER!!!!

30) April 17, 2008 11:18 PM... dirty dick slater said... what's your favorite: movie, tv show, sports team and song?

I don't have one.

31) April 18, 2008 4:21 PM... dirty dick slater said... when i said movie, tv show, sports team, song-i mean of all time.

I DON'T CARE, I SAID I DON'T HAVE ONE!!

Remember when I said that I won't answer sucky questions? Well, this qualifies... I don't make choices well.

Hell, it took me ten years to figure out that my favorite wrestler is Kurt Angle. And he IS!!

32) April 18, 2008 10:16 AM... Greg Schuler said... If you were going to colonize a new planet (sans populating the planet), but were restricted to just five other people, who would take a why?

Another sucky question. I don't like making choices. I spend 20 minutes staring at the menu, then always end up ordering steak.

33) January 2, 2008 11:14 AM ... FBinTX said... keep writing about things other than wrestling. Did you every read Lonesome Dove? Best book ever. Then I caught the miniseries on the ION network. TiVO rules. Comanche Moon will be on CBS soon. I have to find the book before I watch the movie.

Okay I WILL! I never read "Lonesome Dove" but I watched the miniseries years and years ago and remember noting just how many times Robert Duval said, "I want a poke" and thinking just how RACY it was. I also remebered that the miniseries put Tommy Lee Jones on the map.

Did you like "Comanche Moon"? How can anyone watch network TV movies in this day and age? I remember when a movie came out and you debated whether to go see it or to wait a year for it to show up on TV with tons of commercials and some of the worst editing you'll ever see and hear.

TV and movies are currently doing a role reversal. TV is getting looser while movie studios are releasing PG and PG 13 fare and the fine art of the R rated film is goiung the way of the Dinosaur. Hell, you had to wait for the DVD to see Bruce Willis say the F-word for "Live Free and Die Hard"

And what happened to Val Kilmer??? He used to be a major league actor!! Now he's just this strange fat guy struggling for work.

34) January 1, 2008 8:36 PM CresceNet said... Gostei muito desse post e seu blog é muito interessante, vou passar por aqui sempre =) Depois dá uma passada lá no meu site, que é sobre o CresceNet, espero que goste. O endereço dele é http://www.provedorcrescenet.com . Um abraço.

Obrigado para suas palavras agradáveis, meu amigo portuguese. Entretanto, eu devo dizê-lo para foder seu plugue e para foder esta mensagem do spambot. O sexo I uma vez tido com sua irmã, seis meses há, e deram-lhe "o Sanchez filthy". Eu funcionei nela o outro dia e a mancha estava ainda em sua cara. Você povos lava-se SEMPRE? Ainda, eu amo todos meus leitores.

Yes, even in another language I upper-case words for no motherfuckin' reason.

35) January 17, 2008 10:26 PM... Anonymous said... Two bands touring, calling themselves L.A. Guns? TWO??? Hyatte, is there really that much demand?

NO!!!!!

Meanwhile, the whole world is still waiting for Axl Rose's new Guns N Roses CD and bandmates from 25 years ago are still milking the past.

It's like if Nirvana toured this summer... fronted by that bassist and the dude from Silverchair as lead vocals

I'd LOVE to go to one of those LA Guns shows just to see what the groupies look like. I imagine its like rats at a show headlined by Brutus Beefcake.

36) January 18, 2008 3:22 PM ...Matt said... I'm a little surprised you are such a comics fan. For some reason I didn't think you were that into them.

Okay, this is from January and I spoke about making trips to my local Borders and hunkering down with some trade paperbacks.

The last comic I bought was JLA/Avengers and I did it because I absolutely LOVE crossover events. That's it. I do NOT buy comics. I occasionally go to the aforementioned Borders and OCCASIONALLY read through them just to catch up with old friends who were there for me growing up, and haven't changed all that much. I have no pull list with a comic store... I couldn't even tell you where my nearest comic store is. I love the medium, love the characters, but I do not collect them anymore.

I am currently reading Neil Gaimen's latest collection of short stories called "Fragile Things". Its as close as I'm gonna get to purchasing comics these days.

... Well, okay, Warren Ellis's "Crooked Little Vein" is on the list of soon to be bought.


37) January 17, 2008 7:23 PM Jesse Baker said... Funny you should mention Bendis and Ultimate Spider-Man: even though it's the least offensive books Bendis writes/has written for Marvel (let's face it, read any of his Avengers or Daredevil or Ultimate X-Men work and you'll see a shitty writer who needs to be micromanaged and micromanaged HARD by an editor with balls of steel), it still exposes his major weakness as a writer: crappy dialogue, crappy plots, and a complete and total inability to pace his stories out, resulting in 6-8 issue stories that a GOOD writer (ALA Peter David) could have told in 2-3 issues.

Also, Bendis can't write teens to save his life. And Hyatte, I take it you've not read any of Bendis' Ultimate X-Men work, since Bendis' idea of "reintroducing" new characters to the Ultimate Universe was shown to be "ramrod them into the pages of the book, just so I can justify my run not being ignored by fans who saw that my first arc on the title was "Wolverine Team-Up With the Five Marvel Characters I Force Into Every Book I Write, Even If I Have To Kill Off the Entire Cast of the Book I'm Writing To Make Room For Them Appearing In It"...

The only characters he can even claim to have successfully "reintroduced" in Ultimate Spider-Man would be Aunt May and that's only if you consider "Having Mark Bagley Draw May like she's a silver-haired MILF in her late 40s" to be a "reintroduction".

(And Green Goblin, Venom, and Carnage don't count since Bill Jemas was responsible for making Ult Green Goblin look like the Abomination whileas Bendis was forced at gunpoint to introduce Venom and Carnage into the book, hence their sucky Ultimate Counterparts. And the only difference in Ultimate Dr Octopus is that he's now been "prettified" visually).

Hell, the only reason Ultimate Spidey receives any positive coverage is because of the shit nature of the main Spidey books. ESPECIALLY given that, at the time Ultimate Spider-Man was launched, you had a Spider-Man in the main books where Mary Jane was in exile, Spider-Man facing off against crazy vampire bug people and being told that he had his powers come from a magic spider, and other crappy magic stuff that came from JMS's unpublish Dr Strange series pitch.

And note to Hyatte, if you want a comic book/trade series that does everything Ultimate Spider-Man FAILS to do as far as reinvent Spider-Man for a new generation, might I suggest hunting down Tom DeFalco's Spider-Girl TPB Digest series? Dude's created an entire future version of the Marvel Universe in the series that makes the Ultimate line look like the bad Bendis/Millar circle jerk fan-fiction universe that it is.

January 17, 2008 8:16 PM Jesse Baker said... Oh and saying his Ultimate Spider-Man is better than Grant Morrison's X-Men run is blasphemy. Pure blasphemy. Morrison accomplished more in his 41 issues of New X-Men than Bendis did in the five stories he told in his first 41 issues of Ultimate Spider-Man. ESPECIALLY when you also factor in Bendis' Avengers work, which the polar opposite of what Morrison did to the X-Men, to the point that it turned Bendis into the Liefeld of comic writers, as far as producing utterly unredeemable shit stories that sell like hotcakes in spite of their shittiness....

Jesse, look around. Please.

Does this blog LOOK like "newsarama"?

You are investing too much time ranting on a subject that I personally couldn't care less about.

Don't like the politics behind comics? Then don't buy the comics and DO NOT put up a youtube of you burning your "Spider-Man" because you do not like the fact that they pulled out a deux ex machina to break up Spidey and Mary Jane.

Brian Bendis is fantastic with dialogue and he completely captured the High School mentality with "Ultimate Spider Man". Sorry if you don't like it but TOO BAD!!

You want to read junky dialogue and weak-ass scripting? Stan Lee is creating a new comic book. Set your phasers on LAME!

Comics is about making money. And there are a whole slew of new creators who balance working on copyright protected industry titles (for the money) and their own creator-owned work (for the creativity). They adapted to the politics. be a smart fan boy and learn how to do the same.

And Jesus Christ, son. These characters won't change, in the long run. Anything new happening now will revert back to "normal" within a few years. No one stays dead in comics. Christ, Barry Allen is even coming back.

AND STOP ASKING ME IF ITS OKAY TO ASK A QUICK QUESTION ON AIM!! JUST ASK THE FUCKING THING!!! YOU KNOW I'LL ANSWER!!

Jeepers.

38) January 18, 2008 5:27 PM patricia said... The kid is into Buffy. 'nuff said

Ahem, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is a Peabody award winning series that lasted for six and one half seasons and was about a teenage girl coming of age and dealing with teenage girl stuff who also is a "Chosen One" who was bestowed the gift of the "Slayer" and was able to fight Vampires and Demons and kill them. The creator, one Joss Whedon, became a superstar based on his ability to mix Buffy's supernatural adventures with normal, regualr growing pains. Each season showed Buffy evolving into the woman she was to become and they took painstaking care to keep continuity going.

Plus, it was some of the funniest, best scripts TV has ever seen.

No one who watches the show has a bad thing to say about it.

And Patricia, this show is totally up your alley. You WOULD love it to no end and would personally thank me for introducing you to it.

And you have "comic books" listed under your MySpace book interests. This is a classic case of you protesting much too much.

Tell Larry to pony up the dough and buy a frickin' season. I'd start with season two. It's where she gave up her virginity to Angel, her boyfriend, and he truend into a monster because of it.

You'd love it, you KNOW you'd love it... you probably already have it, love it, and refuse to admit it. I know you.

39) April 18, 2008 6:26 PM... Patricia said... His best TV show of all time is Buffy.

SIGH... four months later... this show stands up to the test of time! It's not a silly-ass lame fly-by-night show like... HEROES!! That show won't last.

Ask your 600 MySpace buddies. Post a bulletin. They will all rave about it.

You'd like the "Angel" series too.

AND BUFFY IS ABOUT TEN BILLION TIMES BETTER THAN... THAN... "Danger Girl"... do they still produce that comic???

40) April 18, 2008 2:40 PM... stewie said... I've asked you this before, and since it's come up again - I'd like to hear your take on Boston Legal - the best freakin show of all time.

I'll get to the damn show when I get to it. I just don't feel like expounding on the careers of Bill Shatner, James Spader, and David Kelley right at the moment.


In fact, I'm done expounding on anything now. I promised 50, I gave 40. I promised every comment to be responded to, I have ten left. Another day. ALWAYS another day.

I suggest you read and re-read this a few times... because I promise you will find something BRILLIANT even at the third pass.

And I also promise a good, solid week AT LEAST before I drop another bomb here.

Maybe I'll shock you all with a short story. Maybe.

I am the literary equivelant of gassed!

Smitten... SHHHRARGH!!!

So very, very tired

New blog, tomorrow morning.

And it will be a DOOZY.

Ten Days??

I just realized it's been ten days since a new post.

I'll be attacking comments from January WITH A PASSION over the next couple of days.

Yes, such timely subjects as MySpace, the Dark Tower, Comic books, Buffy!, the writers strike, Mark Madden, and other comments made by people who either forgot or no longer visits this place.

And... right here. Any comment you make right here I PROMISE will get a response with the next offering.

Unless I think the comment sucks... of course.

Limp (P)Rick - or: The Scaia is Crying

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