Monday, December 31: I will have a entry here before midnight the first.
Yes, I am staying in tonight. GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT???
****
Why yes, I have been quiet.
Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Christmas? I'll get into that soon.
Where've I been? Oh I've been just spending all my time on MySpace with my REAL friends. No time for you losers. Those MySpace peeps REALLY know how to keep my ego up and tell me how great I am.
Of course I'm kidding, Facebook all the way.
NO, NO... just kidding. Wouldn't be caught dead on either.
I'll put up a REAL entry over the weekend. I just wanted to say howdy.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
Bret's Book
I got my hands on it and decided that it was so good and so JUICY, that I will entice you into buying it by included a few quotes.
-"For Christmas, Dad only stretched me for 45 minutes. It was the best Christmas ever." (page 35)
-"The worst was when Dad would put me in the Camel Clutch for two hours. He liked to wiggle around a bit. I think he actually ended up raping me without knowing it."(page 23)
-"Owen always knew how to cut short his stretching sessions. He used to shove a cucumber in his pants and scream, 'HARDER DADDY, HARDER!!' Dad would leap off, scream, 'Jesus Christmas' and then go outside and smoke cigarrettes until the Flames came on."(page 54)
-"The first time I met the Dynomite Kid he was pushing old people in front of moving buses and giggling at the wreckage. I knew right then he was destined to be a mid-card tag team wrestler!" (page102)
-"I once gave Jake Roberts a Bible for spiritual guidence. Later I found out he smoked the entire book of Ecclesiastes" (page133)
-"The only thing I really miss about wrestling today is that Vince now hires the rats and gives them tit implants." (page 400)
-"You know there is a lot of SCUM back in the locker room " (page 228)
-"You know there's a lot of SCUM back there... in my pool. Have to remember to order more chlorine" (page 234)
-"I have no idea why a reminder to get more chlorine is in these biographical tapes, but it must of been important at the time, so it stays." (page 234)
-"You know there's a lot of SCUM around my toenails. I'm writing this after hanging out at the beach." (page 231)
-"You know there's a lot of SCUM... in my pants. I knew I shouldn't have fucked Terri Runnels that night in Calgary after the PPV." (page 237)
-"The rib was on us as Flair decided to work a sixty minute match anyway. How the gerbil stayed up there is beyond me." (page 587)
-"Teddy Hart is a given, but my my estimate we need one more tragedy in order to beat the Von Erichs as most fucked up family ever in wrestling. This is why I always try to spike Bruce's Grape Nuts with AIDS" (page 409)
-"All I know is that I had Sunny before she was eclipsed by her own fat ass." (page 560)
-"I don't know Trish Stratus. If I met her, I forgot all aboot it. But what I do know is that she married the wrong hoser." (page 375)
-"I tried to get Austin over as Steve 'The Hyena' Austin but that bastard Vince didn't buy it. It would'a been gold!" (page 612)
-"One time an American girl made fun of Davey Boy's accent. She he shot her in the heynannynanny" (page 357)
-"Benoit called me and asked if I thought Owen and Eddie were looking down at us and smiling. I told him Owen was but Eddie is a Mexican so he's obviously haunting his local Taco Bell. Chris got real cold for a moment and said, 'I think my wife is being followed by the same bastards who killed Kennedy. I must make sure she cannot reveal the secrets of our sport. And I think my son was abducted by aliens and replaced by a doppleganger. I GOT A LOT OF SHIT GOING ON OVER HERE, EH!' The he hung up. He always was a crazy little hyena" (page 643 )
-"Someone tell the BoyToy that God hates fags!" (page 360)
-"I knew Bad News days were numbered when Patterson came up to me one night and asked, 'Bret, do you t'ink Bat Noos still has questons abowt himseff? His sexsuality?' I few days later, Allen was going back to Calgary and Pat was in the hospital getting things that would make the Devil himself shudder removed from his unholyist of holys." (page 284)
-"Boy that CM Punk reminds me a lot of me, after the fucking stroke!" (page 298)
-"A lot of people ask why my hair is so greasy. Well, you try getting a cracked out of her tits Tammy wet! I need some ready made lube for those long road tours." (page 298)
-"OOOH YEAH, FREAK OUT FREAK OUT, THE HITMAN IS OUT THERE BORING THE CROWD TO SLEEP AND MACHO MADNESS HAS THE TAPES! OOOOOOOH YEAH, THE MACHO MAN IS ABOUT TO SHOVE VINCE'S 12 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER'S FACE IN A MOUNTAIN OF BLOW AND TEAR HER ASS UP, JUST LIKE MY DADDY DID TO ME! OOOOOO YEAH!!!" (page 534)
-"I don't recall that, but the stroke has played hell with my memory. Which reminds me to check on Pillman. He hasn't been answering my calls." (page 534)
-"I think it was Goldberg who pushed Owen. He always was a pissy little bitch." (page 333)
-"These days, the boys get to pass Torrie Wilson around like a blow-up doll. Back in my day we had to make do with that man-thing Alundra Blaze. Bloody luck." (page 509)
-"So if you see Nattie Neidhart on TV and think that she looks suspiciously like Mean Gene Okerlund. It's the damn goatee. It's the only thing NoHard could ever keep up for extended periods." (page 597)
-"A year ago, I decided to buy pens and paper and jot memos to myself so I could put together this book. Well, someone, I think it was that hyena Kevin Nash, told me that Vince signed all ink to a 5 year deal and gave it strict orders to not sell for me. Well I was so mad I had Nash call Vince's direct office line for me. He did and gave me the phone and I shouted, 'YOU GAWD DAMN SON OF A BITCH!! I'M GONNA KILL YOUR MOTHER THEN I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR FACE OFF AND SHIT DOWN YOUR GAWD DAMN THROAT!! YOUR FATHER WOULD HATE YOU IF HE KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING! YOUR FATHER WISHES YOU WERE DEAD!!' I gave the phone back to Nash, who was cracking up. Later I found that he was ribbing me and Vince didn't sign all ink to a contract and that Nash had dialed Chris Benoit's house and got his young son on the line. I shoulkd be furious but how can you stay mad at the Silver Fox? We ended up laughing aboot it all night long. Great rib." (page 689)
Well then, this should help settle my guilt over not being very funny here in the blog. I hope.
-"For Christmas, Dad only stretched me for 45 minutes. It was the best Christmas ever." (page 35)
-"The worst was when Dad would put me in the Camel Clutch for two hours. He liked to wiggle around a bit. I think he actually ended up raping me without knowing it."(page 23)
-"Owen always knew how to cut short his stretching sessions. He used to shove a cucumber in his pants and scream, 'HARDER DADDY, HARDER!!' Dad would leap off, scream, 'Jesus Christmas' and then go outside and smoke cigarrettes until the Flames came on."(page 54)
-"The first time I met the Dynomite Kid he was pushing old people in front of moving buses and giggling at the wreckage. I knew right then he was destined to be a mid-card tag team wrestler!" (page102)
-"I once gave Jake Roberts a Bible for spiritual guidence. Later I found out he smoked the entire book of Ecclesiastes" (page133)
-"The only thing I really miss about wrestling today is that Vince now hires the rats and gives them tit implants." (page 400)
-"You know there is a lot of SCUM back in the locker room " (page 228)
-"You know there's a lot of SCUM back there... in my pool. Have to remember to order more chlorine" (page 234)
-"I have no idea why a reminder to get more chlorine is in these biographical tapes, but it must of been important at the time, so it stays." (page 234)
-"You know there's a lot of SCUM around my toenails. I'm writing this after hanging out at the beach." (page 231)
-"You know there's a lot of SCUM... in my pants. I knew I shouldn't have fucked Terri Runnels that night in Calgary after the PPV." (page 237)
-"The rib was on us as Flair decided to work a sixty minute match anyway. How the gerbil stayed up there is beyond me." (page 587)
-"Teddy Hart is a given, but my my estimate we need one more tragedy in order to beat the Von Erichs as most fucked up family ever in wrestling. This is why I always try to spike Bruce's Grape Nuts with AIDS" (page 409)
-"All I know is that I had Sunny before she was eclipsed by her own fat ass." (page 560)
-"I don't know Trish Stratus. If I met her, I forgot all aboot it. But what I do know is that she married the wrong hoser." (page 375)
-"I tried to get Austin over as Steve 'The Hyena' Austin but that bastard Vince didn't buy it. It would'a been gold!" (page 612)
-"One time an American girl made fun of Davey Boy's accent. She he shot her in the heynannynanny" (page 357)
-"Benoit called me and asked if I thought Owen and Eddie were looking down at us and smiling. I told him Owen was but Eddie is a Mexican so he's obviously haunting his local Taco Bell. Chris got real cold for a moment and said, 'I think my wife is being followed by the same bastards who killed Kennedy. I must make sure she cannot reveal the secrets of our sport. And I think my son was abducted by aliens and replaced by a doppleganger. I GOT A LOT OF SHIT GOING ON OVER HERE, EH!' The he hung up. He always was a crazy little hyena" (page 643 )
-"Someone tell the BoyToy that God hates fags!" (page 360)
-"I knew Bad News days were numbered when Patterson came up to me one night and asked, 'Bret, do you t'ink Bat Noos still has questons abowt himseff? His sexsuality?' I few days later, Allen was going back to Calgary and Pat was in the hospital getting things that would make the Devil himself shudder removed from his unholyist of holys." (page 284)
-"Boy that CM Punk reminds me a lot of me, after the fucking stroke!" (page 298)
-"A lot of people ask why my hair is so greasy. Well, you try getting a cracked out of her tits Tammy wet! I need some ready made lube for those long road tours." (page 298)
-"OOOH YEAH, FREAK OUT FREAK OUT, THE HITMAN IS OUT THERE BORING THE CROWD TO SLEEP AND MACHO MADNESS HAS THE TAPES! OOOOOOOH YEAH, THE MACHO MAN IS ABOUT TO SHOVE VINCE'S 12 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER'S FACE IN A MOUNTAIN OF BLOW AND TEAR HER ASS UP, JUST LIKE MY DADDY DID TO ME! OOOOOO YEAH!!!" (page 534)
-"I don't recall that, but the stroke has played hell with my memory. Which reminds me to check on Pillman. He hasn't been answering my calls." (page 534)
-"I think it was Goldberg who pushed Owen. He always was a pissy little bitch." (page 333)
-"These days, the boys get to pass Torrie Wilson around like a blow-up doll. Back in my day we had to make do with that man-thing Alundra Blaze. Bloody luck." (page 509)
-"So if you see Nattie Neidhart on TV and think that she looks suspiciously like Mean Gene Okerlund. It's the damn goatee. It's the only thing NoHard could ever keep up for extended periods." (page 597)
-"A year ago, I decided to buy pens and paper and jot memos to myself so I could put together this book. Well, someone, I think it was that hyena Kevin Nash, told me that Vince signed all ink to a 5 year deal and gave it strict orders to not sell for me. Well I was so mad I had Nash call Vince's direct office line for me. He did and gave me the phone and I shouted, 'YOU GAWD DAMN SON OF A BITCH!! I'M GONNA KILL YOUR MOTHER THEN I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR FACE OFF AND SHIT DOWN YOUR GAWD DAMN THROAT!! YOUR FATHER WOULD HATE YOU IF HE KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING! YOUR FATHER WISHES YOU WERE DEAD!!' I gave the phone back to Nash, who was cracking up. Later I found that he was ribbing me and Vince didn't sign all ink to a contract and that Nash had dialed Chris Benoit's house and got his young son on the line. I shoulkd be furious but how can you stay mad at the Silver Fox? We ended up laughing aboot it all night long. Great rib." (page 689)
Well then, this should help settle my guilt over not being very funny here in the blog. I hope.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Update
Tomorrow I'll have something.
I'm very very tired and lazy.
Page 320 of the book. My lead character just met the cop who makes up Bible quotes.
Hidden bleh/Secret Blah: Next time, be grouchy to everyone else. I'm your true love and deserved to be treated as such all the time.
I'm very very tired and lazy.
Page 320 of the book. My lead character just met the cop who makes up Bible quotes.
Hidden bleh/Secret Blah: Next time, be grouchy to everyone else. I'm your true love and deserved to be treated as such all the time.
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